To wonder if this is normal for DS10?

[Niffler29]

DS is 10, nearing 11. He’s pretty independent - he can make toast, sandwiches, snacks etc. He does the dishes a few times a week, keeps his room tidy, takes the rubbish out, goes to the little shop and things. He’s generally a pretty good, happy kid.

My issue is when it comes to hygiene. If I didn’t supervise him he would only pretend to brush his teeth or wouldn’t use toothpaste and he wouldn’t use shampoo or soap or shower gel when washing, just water. He learned how to do all of these things a long time ago, he just chooses not to. This evening I walked past when he was “brushing” his teeth and asked if there was toothpaste on the toothbrush. He said it had just fallen off but when I looked in the sink there was none there. He admitted he lied and was very blasé about that too so I’ve removed all screentime/gaming for tomorrow. I’m not sure if this was the right thing to do but I worry about him ending up with poor hygiene and being smelly or having bad teeth. Plus his attitude after being caught out lying, he just couldn’t have cared less.

Is this normal for boys his age? Is there anything anyone can recommend I do or do differently? I wish there was an instruction manual for parenting 🤯 TIA

Seems a bit harsh , I would think fairly normal , my 2 need lots of reminders

Totally normal it’s gross. Kids would rather do anything than things they ‘have to do’ my kids spend more energy getting out of these basic things than they would need to actually do them!

When I was that age my father used to smell my breath to make sure I'd cleaned my teeth. My uncle suggested to me that putting a tiny bit of toothpaste in my mouth would fool my father. It worked. Maybe my teeth are in such poor condition now because of this.
It is a battle to get children to look after themselves but just keep trying,
It does get easier eventually.

I’d say it’s fairly normal - mine is slightly younger and I have just started standing over him when he’s brushing his teeth again like I did when he was five. I’ve told him if he wants to keep showering alone he’d better do it properly or I’ll supervise that too. I’m happy to buy whatever products he wants to use, with flavours/scents etc of his choice, but I expect them to be used!

Totally normal, I’m a dentist and trying to get my 10 year old to brush his teeth is torture. I’ve resorted to brushing them again which doesn’t really help as he is happy for me to do it. I’ve nightmares I’ll have to call round every morning and night when he is 40.

The bath/shower is almost worse, a good sulk before getting in but then 480 knocks on the door to get them back out again.

If anyone has a solution I am all ears!

Loads of kids that age are terrible hygiene shirkers. They often go from being grubby little gits as kids to suddenly showering obsessively and drenching themselves in Lynx / Impulse when they hit puberty though, so there’s hope for him yet.

I remember my ex thinking his son, I think about 11 at the time, had styling wax in his hair and then realising it was in fact grease. He’d been putting the shower on and not actually getting in it, apparently.

Yes same here. Fake teeth brushing, liberal with the truth and showers for ages but without using soap… otherwise mostly a really good kid, just rather lazy

My ten year old boy is gross. He does brush his teeth but if I didn’t tell him to shower and use deodorant he just never would. And he would wear the same clothes every day forever. I’ve even pointed out that he smells at times and it still hasn’t prompted him to be cleaner! I’m hoping it will get better as he gets older- surely?!

Big school will change all this in the opposite direction! You won't be able to get him out of the shower / breathe clean air for all the Lynx / mention his hair!

Normal. They outgrow it.

Totally normal

My 10 year old avoids washing to point of crying and begging not to have baths. My husband gets furious about it and I think it's an over reaction. They aren't adults, they don't have adult interests or needs.

I think that is a harsh approach banning screens tbh. There are many battles ahead in life, I would just accept you have to 'make' him do this stuff - he isn't naturally driven to do it like an adult is.

btw I'm impressed your 10 year old does the dishes and tidies his room, he is doing better than mine.

Thank god 😂 this make me feel so much better and made me laugh! Although maybe a bit harsh with the screen time, I’ll get him to do some chores and he can have it back. I’ll just keep at it with the reminding and the pestering and hopefully one day it’ll just sink in, preferably before the sweaty teenage years! My mum has also said that my brother was a “soap dodger” which he’d be mortified at now 😆!

Echoing other posters. Once DS hit 12, he was showering every morning, shower when he got home from a school, than a bath before bed. (This is all having to stop now for obvious reasons). He used to want to shower before he got in the pool before 7am swim training FFS.

He now wafts about in a cloud of Lynx/CKOne and uses about 15 Clearasil products a day. It will pass!

I hate any kind of lying and I’m hard on them over it BUT your son does a lot more than mine as in making sandwiches etc. my boy (12) literally would rather pay his sister (11) to do it. He’s also obsessed with hygeine … more so than his sister. There all different don’t worry x

I voted YABU as I think your punishment too harsh. He sounds like a great kid overall. In my experience the hygiene stuff has been the same for my 10 year old DS, just doesn’t register/care. No tips I’m afraid, I just supervise and hope puberty changes things!

Disclosing tablets are fun.

Totally the same as mine. He thinks brushing teeth is torture

Totally normal (albeit infuriating). Lasts about 2 years (if not less), then suddenly it goes the complete other way - you’ll never get him out! There’ll be clouds of Lynx and hair products too.