Partner put washing machine on when I went to rinse out my hair dye

IdiotCreatures · 2022-09-02T19:13:22+00:00

Partner says he had no intention of upsetting me and that he thought doing a load of washing would make me happy. But two days ago we had a conversation about the water pressure dropping when I shower and how disruptive I find it I have fibromyalgia and need pressure and hot water to help me . He says he doesn't remember the conversation we had two days ago AIBU to think this was a semi deliberate more, maybe even a subconscious one to piss me off?

5zeds · 02/09/2022 20:14

Grumpy after a cold shower…you will survive.

Stichintimesavesstapling · 02/09/2022 20:16

I think he's BU if he thinks doing the washing will make you happy. Doing the washing is a household task not a gift to bestow. If he wants to make you happy then stop dicking about with the taps and make a bloody nice cup of tea and some chocolate cake. LTB.

GingerAndLemonn · 02/09/2022 20:17

Ah I do this to my husband all the time. Accidentally!

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 02/09/2022 20:20

As one off annoying thing it's obviously no big deal.

If you think it's part of a wider pattern where you suspect he keeps doing little things in order to piss you off, well that's a different matter.

Catch21 · 02/09/2022 20:21

I imagine this is a bit scatty / forgetful rather than deliberate. Unless there's a massive back story.

Hercisback · 02/09/2022 20:21

Oh gosh we both do stuff like this to each other all the time. Unintentionally, just forget what the other one is doing, especially if it's a busy morning.

theemmadilemma · 02/09/2022 20:21

I always do this accidentally without thinking and then going SHIT!

stayathomer · 02/09/2022 20:21

Why would your mind automatically go to ‘he did it on purpose?’

cansu · 02/09/2022 20:24

I think household jobs like this are kind of auto pilot so it seems a bit odd to be obsessing about this

A580Hojas · 02/09/2022 20:24

It really is time to re-brand AIBU as "Petty Gripes". Come on HQ!

GhostFromTheOtherSide · 02/09/2022 20:24

God, mn seems to be full of “my husband did this petty/stupid thing so I must be being abused” type threads today.

I do this kind of thing all the time, and tbh it’s less noticeable when you do it with the washing machine because you don’t notice the difference in pressure as it fills up as opposed to if you turn on the tap and the pressure is low.

HeddaGarbled · 02/09/2022 20:24

You weren’t going to stand under the shower for the fibromyalgia relief whilst rinsing off hair dye though, were you?

BreatheAndFocus · 02/09/2022 20:34

I voted YABU because I guess he didn’t really take in what you said, even if he gave the appearance of doing so. Experienced this many times 😀

Original poster

IdiotCreatures · 02/09/2022 20:36

It is partially a pattern. We have a kitchen/diner and the other day I was cooking and wanted to listen to music while I was doing this, he decided to play drums 'along with the music'.
Expect it wasn't along with the music it was drowning the music out.
It's meant to be my night on the TV and now I am in the bedroom while he hogs the TV.
We are meant to have a one night his night one night my night.
It never works out like that and I would say 70% of the time he moans when I say it's my night.
And it never is one night his one night mine, more like five nights his, two nights mine.
And yes my pain levels are not at unreasonable today (thank you syndol) but it's still better for me to have a high pressure shower with lots of hot water coming through.
And a conversation two days ago about this very subject and then he just goes and messes with my shower time.
And yes he does expect gratitude for doing household tasks.
Or he will moan about things like the kitchen counter being cluttered. My response is normally 'dont like it, do something about it...:

OP posts:

chipsandpeas · 02/09/2022 20:37

Leave

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 02/09/2022 20:38

okay, he does sound annoying in that case.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 02/09/2022 20:38

I know for a fact our water pressure drops and the shower goes freezing when taps are ran or the washing is filling etc. Still doesn't stop me forgetting and flushing the toilet when someone is in the shower. Just did it to DS

raindon · 02/09/2022 20:38

Stichintimesavesstapling · 02/09/2022 20:16

I think he's BU if he thinks doing the washing will make you happy. Doing the washing is a household task not a gift to bestow. If he wants to make you happy then stop dicking about with the taps and make a bloody nice cup of tea and some chocolate cake. LTB.

Agreed, doing some washing isn't a nice gift to make someone happy? It's helping them out to lighten the load. Or you know, doing the household washing.

raindon · 02/09/2022 20:39

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 02/09/2022 20:38

I know for a fact our water pressure drops and the shower goes freezing when taps are ran or the washing is filling etc. Still doesn't stop me forgetting and flushing the toilet when someone is in the shower. Just did it to DS

Yes its very hard to be conscious of it all the time isn't it.

raindon · 02/09/2022 20:40

IdiotCreatures · 02/09/2022 20:36

It is partially a pattern. We have a kitchen/diner and the other day I was cooking and wanted to listen to music while I was doing this, he decided to play drums 'along with the music'.
Expect it wasn't along with the music it was drowning the music out.
It's meant to be my night on the TV and now I am in the bedroom while he hogs the TV.
We are meant to have a one night his night one night my night.
It never works out like that and I would say 70% of the time he moans when I say it's my night.
And it never is one night his one night mine, more like five nights his, two nights mine.
And yes my pain levels are not at unreasonable today (thank you syndol) but it's still better for me to have a high pressure shower with lots of hot water coming through.
And a conversation two days ago about this very subject and then he just goes and messes with my shower time.
And yes he does expect gratitude for doing household tasks.
Or he will moan about things like the kitchen counter being cluttered. My response is normally 'dont like it, do something about it...:

Oh didn't see this! I think you need to leave him, he doesn't respect you as an equal. He sees you as less than and he's the king.

Summerfun54321 · 02/09/2022 20:40

I do this to myself sometimes by mistake - I pop a load of washing on then go to have a shower and the pressure goes on and off. I keep reminding myself and keep forgetting!!

EmmaH2022 · 02/09/2022 20:43

HeddaGarbled · 02/09/2022 20:24

You weren’t going to stand under the shower for the fibromyalgia relief whilst rinsing off hair dye though, were you?

Why not? Rinse off hair dye and have full shower?

he sounds like an arse OP. Sorry.

Christonabike37 · 02/09/2022 20:45

I do this to myself all the time. Drives me mad. I ussually put the dishwasher and washing machine on and then think, while listening to the water set off, "fantastic ill go have a shower while they're running".

FruitPastilleNut · 02/09/2022 20:47

God, mn seems to be full of “my husband did this petty/stupid thing so I must be being abused” type threads today

This. Unless he has form for being a sadistic prick then it's likely he just forgot. I've done it plenty when someone is in the shower and had it done to me. Irritating for a few minutes, then you move on. I don't think my family are doing it on purpose to abuse me 🙄

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 02/09/2022 20:57

raindon · 02/09/2022 20:39

Yes its very hard to be conscious of it all the time isn't it.

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I only remember when I hear the shrill scream