Your go-to responses to awkward situations

[calmama]

Long story short, a guy I vaguely knew long ago messaged me out of the blue. Fine. We had a friendly back and forth and then he asked if I wanted to join a catch up with a (previously) mutual friend. Said friend and I were very close friends a long time ago but fell out after he chose to be an arse while I was going through an exceptionally difficult time. Details unimportant really. Water under the bridge and all that, and there’s no animosity on my part at all, but I have no interest in catching up with ex-friend. Or the other guy for that matter.

It’s stupid that I’m struggling to come up with an elegant thanks but no thanks, but I am!

Which led me to think it might be handy to ask the MN massive for their go-to responses to awkward situations. Not necessarily mine, but whatever situation - social, work etc. It might help me and others out.

Anyone care to share theirs?

After years and years of making plans then making up crap excuses I read about assertive ways to say no!

So now I would get back to them and say, 'I won't be able to join in any meets but have a great time. Best wishes in the future, bye.'

If you don't want to get into why you don't want to see him, I would just say something like 'Thanks for the invite! I'd love to but I'm snowed under with work (or insert other non-time-sensitive excuse) - have fun/say hi for me'

If you don't suggest an alternative date they should get the message

This thread didn’t get many responses, but thought I’d update anyway.

I eventually replied with something along the lines of “You guys go ahead and say hi from me.”

To which I receive a “Pleeeeease. Don’t fade from me.”

WTAF?

I barely knew the guy 20 years or so ago when Iast saw or spoke to him.

AIBU to say this is verging on creepy?

Yes that's creepy and would suggest he has "plans" for you beyond just a friendly catch up. I'd be ignoring from this point.

Very creepy!

I'd reply with "Ha, I'm sure you guys will be fine without me, enjoy!" And leave it at that

It's a bit odd. I'm not sure I would class it as creepy, but it does sound like he's more interested in you than you are in him. If people aren't honest about how they feel, nobody would ever get together.

I think you just need to make it clear that you are happy to chat, but you have no interest in meeting up

I wouldn't make up excuses. I'd just say that although it has been nice to be in touch, you'd rather leave the past in the past, especially as your life is so busy etc.

Think I’ll be doing just that 😬

I wouldn’t reply at all. Just fade away. And block. 😜

Maybe go with “it sounds like you want more from me than I can offer. I was happy to chat by message briefly but I don’t want to feel obliged to continue it. Enjoy your time with X and perhaps we’ll catch up again in 10/15/20 years”.

Don't give a response that offers any possibility for the future. You need to be direct here.

Yeah I'd be doing exactly that and fading away!

😯Wowsers

More than verging on ... it's downright creepy!
Suffocatingly needy, keep your distance.

btw - your go-to response is pretty much your initial gut reaction here.
"What do you mean - fade? It's been 20 years, sure you'll manage without me😂Have a great catch up with X, but I'm not available for meeting up"

Job done.
If he contacts again, block.

Argh. Why are people so freaking creepy. He knows I’m married with a child too.

Reply "too busy with the husband /wife and baby at the minute. Take care"

I wouldn't reply any further. You politely said no. He did not respect your boundary. I would block his number and do something enjoyable, to move past his weirdness. Tell your husband too, these creeps can only operate in a vacuum.

Just ignore it

If there’s ever a time to block someone it’s now!

It’s really not that creepy. Just do a laughing face and ignore.

Yeah that’s weird… ignore and block !

Your response was great. I don't think his was creepy, it does sound a little desperate/anxious/needy/ott for the climate of things though.