My in-laws are pretty cold people who aren't easy company, though I have always tried very hard to get along with them and make a lot of effort. But it is entirely one-sided - they make absolutely no effort in return. They live 3 hours away. DH and I have been together for 18 years and we have two children. They have never once picked up the phone to speak to the kids, they never text to check in, they never invite us to visit and they never suggest coming to us to spend time with the family.
My husband facetimes once every couple of weeks with the kids and they always seem pleased to see them. He is rubbish at organising social arrangements though, so for the last 18 years it has always been me nudging him that we've not seen them for a while/suggesting we go to them/invite them to us - even though I don't enjoy their company. I have suggested many times that they call us to chat to the kids or suggest meeting up and they say they don't want to disturb our busy lives - I find this ridiculous though, I am asking them to reach out to us more so I wouldn't see them making an effort as being disruptive in any way.
After a thoroughly miserable Christmas at theirs last year, I decided to see what would happen if I stopped nudging DH - sure enough, we have only seen them once in the last 9 months (and that was at our nephew's birthday).
Frankly, I haven't missed them at all, but I am a people pleaser and now I feel guilty that our children aren't seeing their grandparents. I am really torn. Should I keep on nudging DH to maintain the relationship with them for the sake of the kids, or should I just wash my hands of it and say I've tried for 18 years to make an effort but it isn't reciprocated so why bother? DH has an amiable relationship with them but they aren't close - to be fair, they packed him off to boarding school abroad at a young age and have never made much effort with him.