Am I a secret drinker or has DH pushed me to this ?

[pinkballonsandbabies]

DH used to get drunk once every few weeks and was abit crazy ! He decided he wanted to stop drinking so he did . Since then about a year ago I have drunk a lot less.

If I drink DH will say - you can tell you have had a drink and continue to remark the next day that alcohol changes people and why must people drink. To be honest I miss the old days of having a few drinks at home to relax .

Anyway , I have to admit - I can be quite an emotional drunk and at years ago did like the wine a lot !

Fast forward to today. I’ve got in a pattern , once or twice a week of just having a drink on way home or whilst out . I never have more than 2 drinks which is my favorite amount . Inn not slurring or silly ! I just feel happy and relaxed . DH never realizes . As there is no drink at home I can’t carry on and I love that I don’t get a hangover .

What I’m trying to work out is

• is this secret drinking?
• Is DH being almost controlling with his alcohol views ?
• Am I bloody over thinking this and if it works for me just bloody enjoy it?

DH has never asked me to stop drinking but his constant judgment on it and me having to do it alone put me off it !

I really like that I drink a lot less and am not getting pissed anymore .

I was going to say the same, he will definitely be able to smell it. When my partner was drinking i could tell if he’d even looked at a drink!

You feel that you have to drink secretly, and have gone from max 2 drinks to now saying 2 to 4 drinks. You're in the denial stage. If you didn't think this was a problem, you wouldn't have started the thread.

I think that you've been enjoying something a bit stronger than wine if you think I'm her husband.

Omg chill out it's just a drink or 2 no big deal, enjoy urself hun not like ur getting wasted and waking up needing a bevy, a casual drink is fine like u said never more than 2, dnt worry hun sounds like ur in control and nothing controls I 👌

You

I mean it's secret drinking in as much as you're not letting on to your dh that you've had a drink but, I can see why you do it. Your husband sounds judgey. I have a friend whose husband is similar, he'll try and shame her if she has a drink or imply she has a drinking problem if she has a drink on a week night. It's made her so self conscious of drinking around him and I think I'd feel the same. Have you told your dh that he makes your feed self conscious and that you'd like to be able to relax in your own home and have a drink or two without him commenting or making you feel judged? My dh barely drinks but he doesn't bat an eye if I do. It would annoy me if he made me feel judged for having a few drinks.

My dh loast loads of weight and raises an eyebrow if l eat anything unhealthy. So l do it in secret- not because l have a problem or am ashamed but because l don't want to justify it to anyone.

How do you not say "fuck off with your judgment you sanctimonious twat!"?

I find the language you use around drinking alcohol very interesting: look forward to, I deserve, having a few drinks at home to relax, pushed into etc.

The secrecy surrounding your two to four drinks on the way home is worrying simply because it’s a secret and that habit could grow into a problem if you are not honest with yourself. Have you ever sat down and talked to your H about his behaviour? There’s never a good reason to drink in secret, only excuses.

It’s time to work through your issues not around them.

Sounds like he's very judgemental I would let him think he has that kind of control over u, tell him u will eat what I want and do what u want, u don't comment on everything he does, I'd walk in with a kfc and eat it in front of him

I think you're fine. Carry on! Your DH sounds insufferable with the comments. Tell him to bore off. You're allowed a drink. In fact in countries where people live a long time, a drink is very often a part of their lives.

Tbh I'd have a drink at home if I wanted to and tell him to bugger off. But then my DH is an exDH so 🤣

If I drink DH will say - you can tell you have had a drink and continue to remark the next day that alcohol changes people and why must people drink. To be honest I miss the old days of having a few drinks at home to relax .

This is the problem, not your drinking. I'd tell him you have respected and supported his choice and now you would like him to do the same for you.

I'm teetotal too but his attitude would piss me off.

From what you’ve said you’re coping with a difficult situation well. If I was in your position I would be conflicted because I wouldn’t want to stop my partner doing what’s best for them, but for my own sake, I would be disappointed in the change in my lifestyle I didn’t choose.

Reformed drinkers/smokers are usually almost evangelical in the revelation that their life seems better without their drug of choice and very judgemental of those who continue to indulge. Partly this may be because they aren't quite confident in their ability to continue and they are seeking support from those they live with.
Your OH will have to balance his views, he cannot expect never to be in the company of people enjoying a drink and you shouldn't be concealing your drinking from him. Effectively ,at the moment you ARE a secret drinker. You might also want to speak with someone about your approach to alcohol. If you feel the need for a drink so often you may be on the road to becoming dependant on it (not the same as being an alcoholic )