To just feel in limbo/indecisive/mentally paralysed by it all?

[JasonWaterfalls]

feeling at a bit of a loss with everything, just wondered if I’m not the only person feeling like this.

since the rolling disaster of Covid/war/climate/economic disaster, i just find i have a stupid soup brain. I used to be an incredibly fast, sure decision maker, now I seem to agonise dithering over every single thing, wondering if I’m making the right decision and beating myself up either way, ESPECIALLY if it’s anything to do with money and spending. I wrote a first post here about my elderly parents clearly struggling with all the changes and I think it’s catching up with me that I really am too.

I just feel in limbo. No government, no roadmap, no answers. My Job feels like a stupid pantomime I’m playing out against the backdrop of unstoppable climate change, like arranging the deckchairs on the titanic. And I’m working this hard so I can’t even afford to live. My husband only has to breathe the wrong way for me to think seriously about running off to become a hermit nun in a holy cave somewhere and never see him or any man again. And I can’t seem to decide anything, big or small, I just stand there while my brain which used to be so quick stalls and mouths dumbly away like a fish.

needed to get that off my chest a bit I think, thanks for reading if you got this far!

I was buoyant through Covid, despite my earnings nosediving and having some family issues as a result of the rules.
I feel exhausted by this now. There seems no end. I know I’ll get through it because there’s no choice, but it just feels so grim.

I don't know if this helps, but I always think of times through history - my ancestors who lived through terrible times, the potato famine, blitz bombings in the east end of London, grinding poverty in family of fourteen siblings, only the church for poor relief, stigma of being an unmarried mother - and that's just my grandmother's side!

They endured, we're not so different, and materially much luckier in a lot of respects, although it doesn't feel like it.

Other things that help, turn off notifications, the news, and Facebook- do it for a week and see how you feel. Just pay attention to what you are actually feeling and experiencing, rather than the whirlwind noise outside.
If you still want isolation and a hermits life, it might be your brain telling you loud and clear to switch off the stuff that doesn't matter, and go somewhere in nature that's quiet.
Wishing you calm and steadfastness in difficult times.

Same same.

Im trying to focus more on what holds true value and to chart a path to greater self sufficiency in our family and more control where possible, but at the same time Im trying to accept all the many things I have no control over.

Its hard though because all the stupid deckchair choreography still has to be performed!

I have to say as an eternal pessimist none of this downturn has felt like a surprise to me. At the end of 2019 we took a big family trip that I usually wouldn’t have and in my head the whole time was “we will probably not be able to do things like this much longer, we have to grab what memories we can now”. My DH thought I was nuts until the start of 2020 came around. I mean he still does to an extent!

My mind just feels so slow and buffering, like I’ll think ‘oh, I need to do a shop’ and one half of my brain will be really aggressive like ‘don’t be stupid you dumb b*tch, that’s spending money!’ And I’ll go ‘yeah but I need to consume nutrients?’ And then it just goes ‘brrrrrrrrrr’ and crashes and nothing gets completed god knows how I’m surviving at work, I’ve become so doddery they probably think I’m ‘quiet quitting’ - it’s genuinely not a choice, it’s so frustrating.

I'm with you OP. I survived childhood abuse mentally, physically and sexually. Lived with foster carers and in homes. Dealt with homelessness and not 1 but 2 abusive husbands. Deserted with 3 children and generally treated dreadfully in private, professional and personal life. Witnessed my 33 year old dead fathers overdosed body at age 10 and watched my brother and sister succumbe to drugs and both die ages 25 and 33. But made it through pretty much unscathed. Can't even begin to tell you of all my other life time shit moments but this.....this has fucking done me in. Made redundant. Become reclusive. House a state. No time yet all the time to sort things. I am lost. Memory fog. Overweight. Scruffy. All the things i am now i was the opposite before that fateful march in 2020. Fuck life. Hope you stay strong OP

Also btw I know the way I’m talking to myself isn’t quite right, I’m just getting so annoyed with not being able to think. I did have Covid back in Feb and it was a long slow recovery and I often wonder if it’s left me with LC.

@Seeleyboo im so sorry those terrible things happened to you and your loved ones. Life can be so deeply wounding x

I know how you feel OP. I am exhausted all the time. I can't stop worrying about the energy crisis and I am dreading winter. At least I am not the only one.

I understand OP. I think what you're describing is the cumulative impact of stress over the last couple of years.

I find that I am tired and indecisive a lot of the time now. I know that time spent on my phone is time very badly spent, it raises my stress levels.

I have vowed to try to stay off screens and to create a bit of space in my head.

Trying to appreciate small pleasures in life helps a little but too. Hackneyed I know.

You're not alone, it feels quite bleak at the moment and it's hard to fully relax and recharge.

I am the same. My brain is mush. My house is upside down. I write to do lists in my phone and then I just postpone everything.

I also spend too long on my phone every day half reading news articles about impending doom.

You are not alone op.

No I don't feel like that all. I know that these bad times will pass like they always do. Tough times ahead but there has been through history and always will be.

@Seeleyboo

I am SO SO sorry for everything you've been through. That's an awful lot & from such a young age.

This might seem a bit random, but try watching Dana K White (a slob comes clean) She's all about decluttering your home. Not minimalism, Not perfection. Not organising. Decluttering she does it in a way that helps you declutter your mind along the way. She has loads of videos over 13/15 years and she's progressed a lot along the way too. She started secretly blogging because she wanted to write, but felt she couldn't until she had her life sorted, so she started an anonymous blog, which leads to this.

I only found her because there are hundreds of posts on here about Minimalist Mum. (And they both with Cas from clutter bug have a 'program together). I like all 3, but they're very different & I just find Dana more 'real'. Though the oldest videos are very funny! A bit 'staged & ITT' but they're from
when blogging was new.

I'm not a hoarder (& I'm much more like Dana's Mum than Dana, but she doesn't do a blog! 🤣🤣) but I do find it hard to part with sentimental stuff AND 'that might be useful' stuff (wartime grandparents, end of war parents & a waste not upbringing!!' She helped to change my mindset, which has had a grest knock on effect in other areas of my life. She had books, but I haven't read them, I'm happy with the you tubes.

Also have you had your hormone levels checked out it could be peri or full menopause. I know I GSD a brain, but it appears to have gone missing in the FOG!! It's horrible isn't it! I'm actually considering spending the money & going to a Womens Health Centre. My friend used HRT gel
and is a changed person.

best wishes
x

@knottsberryfarm (loved the place!!). Great memories of going there with my Dad when I was about 10. Boyfriend when
i was 20 & friends in my mid 20's. Didn't get to ho last time SIL took over the trip.

@knottsberryfarm
@JasonWaterfalls

...anyone else

have a look at my previous post & see if you think it might be worth a try.

None of us are alone with feeling like this, the more we can help each other, the better 🌷

@orangeisthenewpuce lucky you.

I’m sorry there are some many of us in the same exhausted boat, but also glad it’s not just me who suddenly feels totally incapable.

It’s social conditioning, OP. Scare healthy adults so they sit at home and accept closure of the economy, scare people about a man made crisis/war so they start changing their living, scare them about a climate catastrophe so they start changing how they behave.

Nudging people too I’ve a certain way. Its not a conspiracy theory, just realpolitik.

I’m sorry that so many people are and have suffered so much. I’m not going to bang on about the shit that’s been my life but I get it.
Im now ignoring anything about the energy situation and most of the news.
School starts back on Monday. I’m going to work through decluttering bit by bit. I always have a lot of admin arising from my disabled DD and it often gets on top of me (along with an ongoing legal case ) so having something that will help not just sort the shithole house out but help a local charity that helps parents in need is something I hope that brings me positivity.
One step at a time.

I feel the same ! For me it’s the constant negativity everywhere - I know the world is in a bad way but there is literally nothing positive anywhere and it’s relentless . Does anyone else remember the ‘and finally’ segments at the end of news at ten and suchlike? Always lighthearted and a bit silly but enough to raise a smile - skateboarding sucks and suchlike x

Skateboarding ducks !!!! Ffs!!! Skateboarding doesn’t suck!!