Neighbour’s fence

[Coffeeholix]

If your ndn was replacing their fence bordering your garden, and it was going to take 2 days to put the new one in, and you had a dog, would you expect them to mention it to you? And if, whilst there was no fence up they put their ladder in your back garden to reach some parts of their back hedge, would you expect them to ask your permission? Or at the very least tell you out of polite courtesy?

My ndn has done this very thing, with plenty if opportunity to speak to me. Yesterday after the fence was finally put in they arrived home as I was leaving to go somewhere. They could quite clearly see I was in my drive and completely ignored me.

I’m really not sure if I’ve offended them in any way, or if there’s been some kind of mis-understanding, but I’ve racked my brains and really can’t think what it could be. I’ve only spoken to them once since they moved in a year ago, and we had a polite friendly conversation. I can’t imagine they’re scared of me, I’m a quiet woman on my own and he’s a strapping muscly man. Is this the norm now between neighbours?

It sounds like he finds you irrelevant, sadly. Shocking behaviour from them, especially making your dog vulnerable with no fence.

Yes, they ABU. Sounds as if they knew they were being out of order and were too chicken to talk to you about it first. We have neighbours like this. They look down at their feet if they're in their front garden and other neighbours walk past. Then they get their super-noisy drills and grinding thing for cutting paving slabs out on a Sunday morning. Every weekend.

Nor sure why the PP finds this shocking? I would expect them to ask before putting a ladder on my propoerty but the fence, no I probably wouldn't tell the neighbours.

You obviously aren't particularly friendly neighbours, you've only spoken once in a year.

I think the taking down of the fence without mentioning it is fine, if it's their fence they can do what they like with it. You having a dog is not their problem if you see what I mean.

They shouldn't have come onto your property with the ladder without your permission, that was rude.

I can’t imagine they’re scared of me, I’m a quiet woman on my own and he’s a strapping muscly man.
I think that's not necessarily relevant. A "strapping muscly man" might feel that he shouldn't approach a "quiet woman" in the circumstances you describe, not least because from his point of view there's nothing to be gained and potentially much to lose (if you had decided to be awkward about things). Some men avoid contact with lone females because of the belief that women can be intimidated by "strapping muscly" men.

Is this the norm now between neighbours?
Yes I'd say so. You say you've only spoken to them once in a year so it's not like you've gone out of your way to create a warmer relationship. What I mean is, I think you've both allowed the relationship to develop in the way it has, that you are as responsible for the situation as they are. If you want the sort of relationship where you talk to each other about these sorts of things, you can take the initiative in trying to create it.

Again, they shouldn't have gone onto your property without permission, but unless there is any damage I'd leave it.

Also surprised by the faux shock. Yes it would be nice to tell you but as they clearly don’t know you and only spoken to you once a year ago briefly it likely never occurred to them. Plus you can see it happening and manage accordingly.

If I came home, let my dog into the previously secure garden to find that a fence had been removed with no word of warning, I would certainly be shocked.

I can't see all of my boundary fence from inside my house, as it is a detached property with a lot of fence. Perhaps others have much smaller gardens and would know immediately or have seen the work taking place.

Yes, my dog is my responsibility, but it should be neighbourly to communicate these things. It doesn't require a certain degree of friendship.

It sounds a bit thoughtless rather than shocking. If they’re not dog owners, they may not have thought twice about security for yours. It would be polite to give you a warning of course, but it’s not their responsibility to provide a secure garden for your dog - so they probably just didn’t think.

I’m not sure what you mean about their ladder being in your back garden? Sound like it was only just inside it and not for long? And caused by the lack of fence, so possibly very near the boundary? If so - again, thoughtless, not polite - but not shocking.

I think it’s a bit odd that you’re racking your brains about offending them. Like this is deliberate because you have? That’s OTT! They’re not overly friendly, not thoughtful and not polite. They’re in the wrong on that, but that’s all it is.

I take on board he doesn’t have to tell me about the fence, but given he’s had ample opportunity, I don’t see why he wouldn’t. I replaced my other fence last year and told my neighbours a few weeks beforehand, I didn’t have to but it’s just a nice thing to do.

As for the point made by someone re. why he wouldn’t approach a lone woman, I don’t think this is the case at all if he’s then happy to let his workmen trample all over that woman’s garden.

In an ideal world they would have let you know. Ladder issue is poor and needed permission, but the dog is your issue. Your dog, your responsibility to keep it secure. It's hardly like you could have missed the fact there was no fence.

You are a woman on her own, it's a sad fact that neighbours quite often feel that it means you are irrelevant, unimportant and easy to bully as they think you won't make a fuss (my neighbours found out this is not necessarily true 😁).

The ladder was well into my garden as they had to angle it over the top of my water butt. They were on my property full stop - they should be asking my permission, surely. I guess this is yet an indication of the type of people they are.

@Somanysocks I expect he’ll know how I feel via feedback from his workmen haha. Probably why he pretended not to see me when he got home. I won’t be bullied either.

Sadly it is very much the norm theses days. It would have only taken them a moment to ask you if it was ok, or to put a note through your door.
I think /thought. that there is right to access for maintenance reasons, but if there is, then it’s not a right on a whim thing, I understood that notice of intent to do the maintenance had to be issued.?? (Bit like landlords not having access without notice for maintenance unless in an emergency??)

Anyway, it would have been neighbourly for him to ask first.

I mean, he doesn't HAVE to tell you about the fence, but as it's the border between your property and his, it would have been much politer for him to tell you - regardless of the fact that you have a dog. The fact that you don't have a friendly neighbour relationship is neither here nor there - I'd tell my neighbours something like that even if we'd never spoken before.

I don't think he has a problem with you or anything, though - I think he's just thoughtless. My neighbours on one side are a bit like that. They're not horrible and we have absolutely no problem with each other, they're perfectly nice on the rare occasions we speak and will happily take in parcels for people etc, but telling us that kind of thing as a courtesy is exactly the kind of thing that just genuinely doesn't really occur to them!

I’d expect to be told. We hardly speak to our neighbours as we don’t often see them (but will do 5 mins or so of niceties whenever we do see them) - but each time we’ve done anything with the fences, front and back, we’ve gone round to let them know out of courtesy.

I’d hope this would happen but I think people without dogs don’t always realise how important this would be (unless they are scared of dogs in which case they’d be hyper vigilant).

Can’t say I’d tell a neighbour about my own fencing plans. Legally again your dog, your responsibility to control and confine it. People don’t even have to have fences. Since you’ve only spoke once In a year that’s probably why you where not informed. If I did happen to tell a neighbour it would be because we regularly chatting and it popped into my head like “oh yeah getting the garden sorting going to changed the fence blah blah blah”

Sounds like he had tradies in though which means he likely had no idea they would be in your garden with a ladder or trampling anything untill after the fact. That needs taking up with the trades people.

I understand it’s my responsibility to keep my dog safe, I’m not for a minute suggesting it’s their responsibility to keep my dog safe. But in that case, what about when he gets another parcel delivered and he’s out and I’m asked to take the parcel on his behalf? Shall I just decline, because it’s not my responsibility? Or do I take it in for them because I want to be helpful? Once we start going down the responsibility route, it all becomes very unpleasant in my imo.

Well you’re clearly very het up about this. I really really couldn’t be.

take a step back op try to calm yourself down. So what if the ladder was in your garden for a short period, yes polite to ask but most folks would not think it a big deal. For the fencing again. Nice to say but Really not compulsory.

try to calm down ok. You’d think they entered your house and shit in your loo the way you’re reacting.

Sorry,,what have you said to the workmen~? No one is bullying you.