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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Boyfriend is always working...aibu?

22 replies

thewayyoufeel · 02/09/2022 09:04

Been together a year.
He is a manager at a well known fast food business.
Friday and Saturday they are open till 5am.
He works 50 hours per week.
When he's not at work he is on his phone constantly...checking how busy it is,messaging people in his work group about work.
Honestly every 5 minute even on holiday.
He has a area manager who takes the mick out of him..has him driving to other shops to open or close over a hour away as a "favour" when members of staff are off BUT when any of my boyfriends staff are off he has to close /open because area manager says "can't find cover"

He has gone into work at 9am and the closing member of staff is off so he is at work till 5am.
I kicked off today -saying they are taking the mick.
Sunday we go away at 8am and he's working till 5am because area manager says "no cover"

Am I wrong to argue with him?
Why can't he see they are taking him for a ride ?

OP posts:

Whatwouldscullydo · 02/09/2022 09:14

Are they taking him for a ride or has he got the " im so important they can't do with out me I'm gonna be a martyr " thing going on..

He either needs to hire a bunch of people who are more reliable.

Or leave them to get on with their jobs when he's not there. Presumably there's a duty manager there?

I'd think he was someone who likes it tbh. Or he'd have done something about it by now.

Original poster

thewayyoufeel · 02/09/2022 09:23

There's an assistant manager but she opened (also at 9am) so won't close
Then another assistant manager who has put on availability form he won't work past 11pm
I'm sick of it tbh
We have no life because of it

OP posts:

Original poster

thewayyoufeel · 02/09/2022 09:23

All he says is "the money's great blah blah ,they allow us to do nice things etc "
I would rather have nothing sometimes ....

OP posts:

VirginiaQ · 02/09/2022 09:26

Actually when I left Uni I applied for the management programme as if it's where I'm thinking it is a highly thought of training programme. After the initial interview you had to work two shifts to get an idea of the job. I remember the manager. His wife was about to give birth but like your boyfriend he was working all hours. The bottom line was he had to make the shop shop work. It was all his responsibility.

If one of the crew members didn't turn up or pulled a sickie (not uncommon due to the type of employment) he would have to madly ring round trying to get someone to cover and if they didn't would be obliged to cover the spot. He was working sixteen hour days at times. Everything fell to him to sort out and really the renumeration for that amount of input wasn't worth it (no overtime for all the extra hours).

I then went on to rent a room in the house of an area manager for the same business and again he was constantly on his phone sorting out issues. It was never ending and this was in the days when they shut at 11.

I pulled out of the recruitment process as whilst I'm happy to dedicate my life to a job that is truly worthwhile (which I did) I couldn't dedicate my life to the making of burgers.

WaltzingWaters · 02/09/2022 09:28

My OH works a lot over the summer but when he’s home he is with us. This just sounds ridiculous and as though he wants to think that nobody will manage without him. I think you need to have a serious conversation with him about him sticking to his hours and not checking any work stuff when he isn’t at work. If it doesn’t change is this the relationship you want to be in? His whole life shouldn’t be about work.

PurpleDaisies · 02/09/2022 09:29

Its pretty widely known that there’s a staffing crisis in food and hospitality. They’re not “taking him for a ride” if they’re paying him for work that he’s agreeing to do.

It sounds like you’re not compatible in your attitudes to work. Maybe this one isn’t for the long term.

Whatwouldscullydo · 02/09/2022 09:30

Don't you have to sign something to say you agree to work more than 48 hours a week?

The contract won't have been 50 hours surely?

Hed have agreed to do all this. Sadly there are people whos whole identity seems to he wrapped up in how much other people need them. They offer to take on over time and cover other peoples shifts cos they like to moan how tired they are and how busy they are etc.

I had a boyfriend like this once many years ago. Met him in the pub so he was able to have a night off...then just became unavailable claiming to be at work all the time.

Theres no changing people like that tbh.

Original poster

thewayyoufeel · 02/09/2022 09:31

I don't think 20 hour shifts is compatible for anyone ...I don't think that length of a shift is acceptable tbh

OP posts:

Original poster

thewayyoufeel · 02/09/2022 09:32

His contact is 40 hours
He gets paid for 40 hours regardless how many hours he works.
He could work 60 hours and still get paid for the 40

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 02/09/2022 09:37

However unreasonable you think it is, it won’t change. You probably need to decide if it’s something you can live with or not.

BarbaraofSeville · 02/09/2022 09:39

20 hour shifts are illegal unless he's opted out the working time directive. They absolutely are taking him for a ride or he's allowing himself to be taken for a ride - the other managers are rightly saying no to double shifts and doing both an open and a close on the same day, or doing an open straight after a close, so why doesn't he do the same?

You say the money's great but how many hours is he working in reality and does he get paid extra if he works extra or is his salary fixed and if its the later, what's his rate for the hours he actually works? I can't believe fast food management is sufficiently above NMW that it's worth working significantly above 40 hours a week and if he did, he'd probably be on NMW or less.

BarbaraofSeville · 02/09/2022 09:41

Cross posted and as I suspected with the hours/salary. Unless he's on £50/60k+ they're absolutely taking the piss, he'd earn above £30k just doing basic crew shifts for 60 hours a week with a lot less of the hassle.

vroom321 · 02/09/2022 09:44

My husbands like this. He's in the marines. I didn't even know they could work from home but work are constantly calling him. Moaning about someone or asking him to book places. Devise maps etc. It's obviously more technical but that's how I understand it. He had to take his laptop away with us and he was on it a couple of hours a day! Obviously the higher up you are the more responsibility you have but I thought he would have a few days off. It sounds like your dh either likes doing this or can't say no?

Original poster

thewayyoufeel · 02/09/2022 09:47

His salary is 27,000 pa

OP posts:

Omgkittys · 02/09/2022 09:50

thewayyoufeel · 02/09/2022 09:47

His salary is 27,000 pa

Then it’s illegal for him to work 60 hours a week without getting paid overtime, it goes below minimum wage.

Whatwouldscullydo · 02/09/2022 09:51

No one would do that fir 27 grand.

Hes either choosing to.

Or hes not really working

badbaduncle · 02/09/2022 09:52

This is who he is. I am like this, DH accepts it. I have my own business now so every hour input is to my benefit, not a corporation. I am just a grafter, I want to meet all my responsibilities and get all the work done. Both my kids are the same now and work really hard, DS is a manager at work even though he's 18 and part time! We would definitely not 'rather have nothing'. It's not that either you or him are wrong but you are fundamentally too different.
The catering sector is chronically understaffed and in deep shit so he'll have genuine need to be there. He should, imo, be using his graft as leverage for a considerable payrise, or a set up - maybe 2 outlets to manage when the crisis is over?

Summertimesadnesss · 02/09/2022 09:52

You can argue with him but what do you think that will achieve?

also fellow retailer here, as the manager if there is no cover for my store it’s shit but I have to cover whether I like it or not…

BarbaraofSeville · 02/09/2022 09:55

thewayyoufeel · 02/09/2022 09:47

His salary is 27,000 pa

Assuming he's at least 23, NMW is £9.50 an hour and I think they pay more than that.

But even if they don't, £9.50 x 50 x 52 = £24.7k pa so he's hardly getting any extra for all the hassle of management.

Seeing as they're so short staffed, he could probably earn the same by just working at the basic level and taking all the extra shifts he's offered. Then he wouldn't have to think about work outside work.

Samarie123 · 02/09/2022 09:57

thewayyoufeel · 02/09/2022 09:23

All he says is "the money's great blah blah ,they allow us to do nice things etc "
I would rather have nothing sometimes ....

27,000 pa really is NOT great. And he should absolutely be getting overtime.

These companies piss me off as they will give someone a title to make them feel special and take the absolute piss. He would probably do better as staff and actually get the overtime money.

Testina · 02/09/2022 10:25

If another manager is posting that he won’t work after 11pm, and the opening manager at 9am says she therefore won’t close at 5am, then it doesn’t sound like this is undue pressure from the company.

This is his choice.

Doesn’t make it the wrong choice for him - but if it doesn’t work for you, end the relationship.

AceSpades54321 · 02/09/2022 11:13

Wow that’s shocking. I wouldn’t be putting up with that. I’d be looking for a new relationship.

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