Work stress

[middleofnight]

How do you deal with stress at work.

The stress has been building. I feel physically sick although haven't been. Can't sleep. Can't get work off my mind.

Has anyone else been like this and how did you cope?

Feel like im just about holding together and could crack any moment.

Don't want to tell anyone at work or go to doctors but want to feel better.

I think a lot of how you deal with it it depends on where you work and the type of job you do. Do you have a supportive manager?

Try writing down all the things that stress you out and list next to them whether it's something you can control or not. This helped me a lot. Can you look for a new job if things are really bad?

The best thing would be to book a 1:1 with your manager and explain you feel stressed and ask for some support to resolve the causes of the stress.

If that is impossible, then try the following:

• fresh air and physical exercise after work. It will help counteract insomnia.
• get up early each morning, shower and dress properly. If you are exhausted from long hours a little bit of self care can go a long way.
• don't over indulge coffee, alcohol, etc. Keep a bottle of water and some fruit to hand while you work.
• if at all possible don't skip lunch or a short lunch break.
• During the day stand up and stretch out. - Walk away from your desk for a minute or two if the stress is overwhelming.
• have a routine at work to settle the gut-churn. I start my day with soothing classical music on my headphones while I catch up on the hell that is my inbox. It settles me enough to lets my mind soothe itself and somehow gives me the courage to grapple with whatever is there. If there is a horrible email that needs a reply, send a holding email like "thanks for your email, well noted and I will aim to respond fully by [date]", then flag it to return to later.
• If there is a complaint reply politely to acknowledge, don't apologise, cc your manager for awareness.
• break down big/horrible tasks into a series of little steps and list them on a piece of paper to do each morning. Tick off the list during the day.
• if you are hiding from some kind of problem, make a written plan for yourself with steps to tackle it. Follow the plan to the letter and review it each day.
• find some podcasts about stress and listen to them
• do you have an employee assistance helpline? These are anonymous, free, helpful and often forgotten about
• unburden to a friend or partner. Ask for space to vent. Failing that, book an hour of online counselling and talk through the issues underlying the stress.

@HeartofTeFiti
That is such good advice

Thanks for that all those points are great and I will incorporate them into my day.

It always feels magnified in the evenings and middle of the night but then when I don't sleep that makes it worse the next day.

I completely understand. Have been there.

Stress raises your cortisol and adrenalin levels, reduces your oxytocin levels. Your body is reacting physically to perceived threat. Evolution didnt expect us to have modern jobs, we are designed for fight or flight responses. Sleeping is no use if you need to stay alert for a prowling sabre-tooth tiger, so your brain stays switched on in a state of readiness.

Likewise your body doesn't care about digesting lunch if it needs to get you to safety - so your body's resources are directed away from things like appetite and digestion. Short-term you may get nausea or gut-churning, or diahorrea. Your body wants to free you up to run or overcome the threat you face. So you want to eat small and often, a light diet so your body doesn't rebel.

You feel drained and exhausted by being battle-ready when no physical response occurs - most likely you are doing a very unnatural thing of just staying right there at your desk alongside that threat, day after day. Your immune system has been de-prioritised alongside your digestive processes, so you may want to take some additional vitamin supplements for a while.

Moving about helps with stress, it can trick your body into think you are responding the "right" way.

Also by raising your oxytocin levels you can offset the impact of cortisol and adrenalin somewhat - meditation and yoga can help, so can visualisation (tricking your brain into correcting hormone levels by imagining yourself in control, calm, energised, strong, centred, etc).

Or you may distract yourself by reading a great book, chat to a friend, sing, dance, watch a funny film, exercise, have hot steamy sex or masturbate - you can rebalance things not just by switching off, but by actively making yourself happier. My top tip is that a great orgasm (pr several) may help induce sleepiness when all else fails as the oxytocin release is v helpful.

Ultimately though it is the source of the stress you need to address as we aren't designed to experience very high levels of stress for long periods of time.

Stress is awful and things just seem so much more overwhelming when you feel stressed which compounds the issue.

@HeartofTeFiti gives excellent advice. I might try to use some of that myself.

I hadn’t quite realised how much stress I was under until I burst into tears one Monday morning when I arrived at work. A week off really helped me to reset and consider my options. I am still in the same job but have set much firmer boundaries with myself around working my hours only and admitting my struggles to my boss actually really helped. I am certainly always seen as someone who can deal with anything and do not like to ever show weakness but that isn’t real life and it doesn’t help me at all.

I don’t check my emails at home anymore and I generally leave my work laptop at work now as well. These things help to keep separation.

i hope things improve for you💐

Sorry to hear this op. There's some fantastic advice on this thread. I take herbal remedies -Kalms, passion flower, St John's Wort

Don’t rule out going to a doctor is my advice - if you’re facing a short term period of deadlines / a tricky project which will end it might be unnecessary, but if this is a longer term issue they can help you.

Do you have medical insurance from your job? If so you’re very likely to have access to some form of counselling which is covered under that - I’ve had CBT this year to address my response to stressful situations (which was disproportionate to the situations themselves). I’ve previously used low dose anti anxiety medication too for the same reason, via my GP, which also helped.

Thanks everyone, all really helpful.

It's a short term tricky project with a deadline rather than a long term never ending thing.

The project is all on me though and there isn't anyone else that can help but me doing the work. It feels overwhelming. I feel out of my depth. I can't ask for help, I just am not the kind of person that can show my vulnerability and even if I didn't there isn't really anything anyone can do.

I'm just kind of paralysed by the stress at the moment and can't think straight.

Is the work itself genuinely impossible in the timeframe, or is it just that you are overwhelmed with making a plan or getting started?

Are there other work responsibilities which can be outsourced while you get the project done?

Might get flamed for this but I honestly think dealing with stress is something some people can do and others just can't based on their nature/personality

DH for example really suffers with work stress, over analyses, stays up late, even when he doesn't need to - has sky high blood pressure from it too

I have a much more stressful role, but don't feel stressed at all and manage it well

You need to be honest with the people who can help you, speak to your manager and let them know you're stressed, ask them to have a discussion with you about options etc.

By the way, there really isn’t a type of person who can’t show vulnerability, just a type of person who finds it incredibly challenging to do so.

If you can admit to finding the project ‘tough-going’ and ‘stressful’ and feeling ‘somewhat overwhelmed’ to a manager or boss, you will feel better. They may surprise you with what they can offer or suggest. I you need time to WFH? Perhaps you need X & Y re-allocating temporarily etc.

Speaking up is the right thing to do even if it feels like another stress to avoid.

Can you find a mentor? Your company may have access to a mentoring group through the institute of directors, or sometimes banks offer it free to small businesses. Can you ask your HR team if they know of anything? You don't have to associate it with your current project, just say you are looking to improve productivity or similar, and see what the come back with.

Sometimes just having someone calm, who has done it all before, helps.

I run twice a week, leave the phone at home, and my team know if I've gone for a run, that means I just need a bit of peace. If I've had a bad day, an hour's yoga in the evenings helps, once ds has gone to bed.

My personal thought is it’s often a combinatIon of factors that moves work pressure from being a good thing that keeps you challenged, interested and learning to a bad thing that leaves you feeling overwhelmed and stressed out. It’s not just about the amount of work to be done and the time available to complete it but also about team cohesion, your customers and how reasonable (or not) they are, your management and your circumstances outside work. I was under massive pressure during covid and while that pressure has now gone the months on end trying to homeschool and work and support DH who suffered from depression with no one to help and very limited opportunities for escaping for some time alone to decompress just combined to get me to a point where I couldn’t sleep and was throwing up as I felt so stressed. It can easily get into a cycle where you get worse and worse as you get more tired and less effective. I found setting boundaries on when I would work helpful and making sure I got out for a swim or a walk every day. Also it’s better to tell work if things are becoming unmanageable so they have time to figure out how to help rather than continuing and potentially reaching a point where you just can’t do it at all as you’ve made yourself really ill.

I spoke to my boss and told them...I was referred to counselling through occ help.

I went to my GP and started taking sertraline tablets...I made a conscious effort to be open when things started building again.

I didn't take any time off work as that would've made me stress more.

I used to say all this until I actually had work stress.

It can ruin your life and no amount of winding down helps if your manager is a cunt or there is too much hish risk work to do in the time you have.

My job is like this. I'm a focal point for everyone and so much hangs on what I do. I'm pretty much always critical path but generally my stress is low, despite workloads being far higher than I can manage in a day.

We're only human and there's only so much you can do. IMO the issue isn't your capability or competence but your inability to talk to your manager/PM etc. They need to understand that the workload is too high and the deadline unrealistic.

I've been in situations where people are shouting at you every day. It's not nice but it's not going to get results any faster. It's their fault really for not resourcing properly and the only thing you can do is to protect your sanity.

Slow is fast and working silly hours isn't feasible for longer that short bursts.

Wind it back and be realistic. If you had a mental breakdown, what would happen to the project?

I used to say all this until I actually had work stress.

It can ruin your life and no amount of winding down helps if your manager is a cunt or there is too much hish risk work to do in the time you have.

If your manager really is a cunt then you need to re-evaluate how much of your life you're willing to give. No job is worth losing your sanity over. Some stress is good. Too much and it's time to change your working day.

I know. That's why I left. I luckily had a financial cushion but many others don't have. Lots of people can't just walk out of jobs and the cunty managers know that. Which is why they get away with being complete cunts.

IMO the issue isn't your capability or competence but your inability to talk to your manager/PM etc. They need to understand that the workload is too high and the deadline unrealistic

Oh yes, just a quick word in a cunt's ear, that'll sort it. Because they are so reasonable! Oh hang on...

I think so many of us have been there and it’s easier said than done trust me it took me months to speak up but you do need to talk to your manager/boss. I had so much anxiety and was shaking during my chat but things have been better since then. The truth is I don’t think people realise you’re at breaking point until you tell them

The OP hasn't suggested that his/her boss is a cunt, just that she's not the type of person to talk about it.

So what's the alternative? Working yourself into hospital? People always talk about having no choice or options but there's always an option. Said manager might not like it but they cannot physically force you to deliver and burn you out in the process.

Also, if you're off long term due to stress then your career is stuffed anyway. It's not ideal but IME working to YOUR acceptable levels and highlighting the workload issues are all you can do.

I love my job but work simply isn't worth losing your sanity over.