To be so angry again?

[Mumof2202022]

DD is nearly 8, autistic and complex needs. Younger DS.

Their father was an abusive, violent horrible human. I kicked him out when DD was 2. He left us without a penny and I rebuilt our lives. There is a strict no contact order regarding the kids.

We have had a blissful near 6 years since but now DD has asked why she doesn't have a dad. Once again I'm angry, I'm angry I have to figure what to tell her and how to tell her. I'm angry I have to balance her knowing enough but not too much. I'm angry that the hurt he put us through will never truly go. The children were very nearly removed on PPO and I have worked so hard to give them an amazing life since but I'm still so angry.

Children will wonder why they don’t have a father around despite what people on here think/ say, I’ve had to deal with this myself my oldest is autistic and her father isn’t around, she became obsessed with not having a father a few years back, begging me to meet someone else so she could have a dad, calling all the male teachers in her school “school dad” it was awful, but all you can do is answer the questions as honestly as you can no point in lying

I think as your daughter has autism, the best thing you can do is be as honest in the most child appropriate way that you can. It's horrible for the kids.

my dh's dad left when he was 18 months old and he didn't see him again until he was about seven. His mum had three jobs to make ends meet. He used to have to go with her to some of them as she he no childcare. All he knew was that his dad had the same build and moustache as Freddie Mercury, and one day a man went to his mum's work when he was about 5 that looked the same, and he ran to him and hugged his legs shouting "dad! Dad!" I cried when he told me.

Very similar situation here OP.

My DD13 has ASD and ADHD.

We left when she was 2.

When she was about 8 she did ask and I told her he wasn't very kind and not good at taking care of other people. He was only good at taking care of himself.

She has rarely asked since.

I do understand the rage. But focus on how amazing you are for rebuilding your life, creating stability.

Because it's not easy.

At 8 you need to tell her the truth

The full truth as well

I don't know why you are so angry, she wants to know why she hasn't got a dad so tell her he wasn't very nice and be proud of yourself for getting her out of the situation. You are a good role model so focus on that.

@buzzbuzzybuzz I don't think OP is angry with her DD. It's the anger at being put in a position not of your making, being the person having to explain another arseholes behaviour.

My life has been peaceful since but I'm still angered by the position his actions put me in.

Cheeseonbeans · Today 08:28
At 8 you need to tell her the truth
The full truth as well

Not sure I agree that she has to be told the full truth. She's only 8 and needs to be told in an age appropriate manner

Be honest and age appropriate but don’t lie and pretend he wasn’t a cunt.

My dad left when mum was pregnant and my DS (who is autistic) started asking why I don’t have a dad.

I told him the truth and said that some people were just not good parents and we are better off without them in our lives.

He understands that and accepts it.