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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I’m so tired and fucked off. AIBU?

32 replies

Bnxybee · 01/09/2022 21:16

I was cooking dinner and DS kept trying to get into the cupboard to get cereal. I told him he could have cereal for supper, not dinner. DH walked through the door and we chatted for a bit. He could see DS was restless and clinging onto me so I asked him if he could take him outside for 10/15 minutes to play with his ball (until I finished cooking.) He said no because he needed the toilet. Fair enough. He went to the toilet and DS kept trying to pull his favourite cereal out the cupboard or asking me to come into the living room to play cars.

DH came back in and I asked him (again) if he could please take him outside for 10 minutes to throw a ball around as he was restless and I had food cooking on the hob. He said no. I asked why and he goes, “can’t be arsed” then sat on the sofa and watched his favourite Twitch streamers.

Started doing the dishes after dinner and he walked into the kitchen, put his hands down my trousers to grope my arse then walked back out. That pissed me off.

I told him I wanted to put DS to bed at 9 as he had a difficult night last night. Woke up at 3 am and didn’t go back to sleep until half 5. DS and I both woke up just before 9 so I didn’t want to put him to bed too early. DH argued that it’s ridiculous to put a 3-year-old to bed at 9 and he wanted DS to go to bed earlier as he has stuff he wanted to do. What he meant is that he’d have to wait until later to start his gaming as it disturbs DS when he’s trying to sleep.

I stayed quiet for ages and when he asked me what was wrong, I told him. Amazingly, he told me that I need to sort my moods out and basically stop finding reasons to be annoyed with him.

When you’re overtired having dealt with a hyperactive toddler all day (and night), and you’re scrubbing rice off the bottom of a pan … Why do men think shoving their hands down your trousers is a huge turn on?

YABU - he’s been at work all day and deserves to go home and chill.

YANBU - he could’ve taken him outside for ten minutes.

(Yes, I work too)

OP posts:
Bnxybee · 01/09/2022 21:18

I should add that I very rarely ask him to do anything after work. I think this is the first time in months.

OP posts:
Creepymanonagoatfarm · 01/09/2022 21:19

I feel like the family games console would do well to have an unfortunate accident.
Or the WiFi will be unavailable for the foreseeable future.
Why can't men who create dc actually want a relationship with them?
Mind boggles how gaming can be a priority to a grown man.

Thepossibility · 01/09/2022 21:20

YANBU he should have helped out. Firstly by entertaining his own child while you were cooking. Then by doing the dishes because you cooked!
And shoving his hands down your pants is just rage inducing, especially at that point of him being a useless knob all evening.

Unanananana · 01/09/2022 21:21

He sounds like an absolute cretin.

billy1966 · 01/09/2022 21:21

Sort your contraception out, go back to work and don't make the mistake of having another child with him.

He clearly is a shit father and partner.

luxxlisbon · 01/09/2022 21:21

I should add that I very rarely ask him to do anything after work. I think this is the first time in months.

And there’s your problem. If you think it’s acceptable for him to not parent his own child or contribute to the household chores then he’s going to think it’s acceptable too.

Why have you been doing everything for months and turning yourself into a martyr?

Timeforabiscuit · 01/09/2022 21:21

You need to communicate alot more assertively, so he either does dinner or occupies the kids.

When he flops down in front of the TV ask him what the hell he's playing at, why on earth are you doing dishes if you've also cooked?

Do not stay quiet, actually tell him when something annoys you - it's far more healthy than blindly hoping someone else will step up.

FlissyPaps · 01/09/2022 21:22

Putting his hands down your trousers to grope you is vile. That’s sexual harassment.

Aside from that, he sounds an arse. YANBU.

Quartz2208 · 01/09/2022 21:22

So your rarely bother to ask him to do anythng and you work too - what is this man bringing to your life?

Thepossibility · 01/09/2022 21:24

Bnxybee · 01/09/2022 21:18

I should add that I very rarely ask him to do anything after work. I think this is the first time in months.

He is acting the way you let him. He is supposed to be a partner, you shouldn't be carrying the load! You let him slack off and then today him doing the usual annoyed you so he thinks you're moody. Because usually muggins lets him do whatever he pleases without fuss.

Penny242 · 01/09/2022 21:25

Yanbu. You’ve got two children in your house and one of them needs to learn you don’t stick hands down another person’s pants.

Bnxybee · 01/09/2022 21:29

He told me he didn’t offer to help with housework because every time he offers, I say no. That’s not what happens. He’ll walk in when I’m drying up and ask if I need a hand with anything. No because there’s literally two plates left. Also, if I do ask him for anything he sometimes “jokes” I’m needy and acts like it’s a huge effort.

OP posts:
TheLoupGarou · 01/09/2022 21:29

If DH stuck his hands down my pants while I was washing up murder would be committed I would tell him to fuck right off. That is so grim.

YANBU about any of it.

InBlue · 01/09/2022 21:29

The original post made me physically cringe/recoil. I’m sorry OP. He sounds grim. He can come in from work and look after his own child/cook dinner/do the washing up himsslf half the time or he can fuck off.

Twitch is such an unattractive hobby too. Just… urgh.

YourLipsMyLipsApocalypse · 01/09/2022 21:29

Well. He sounds like a fucking waste of space, really. If I compare him to what my husband does when he walks through the door...what's he bringing to your life exactly? Sexual harassment?

Heronwatcher · 01/09/2022 21:32

He sounds beyond hideous. Why are you with him?

NoseyNellie · 01/09/2022 21:32

“Can you please” is giving him the option to say no.

”You need to” is a much stronger opener

NiqueNique · 01/09/2022 21:36

As pp said, why the hell isn't he expected to look after his own child/do his fair share in the household? He should be doing that as a matter of course and you shouldn’t have to ask him. Now he he thinks you’re the household mummy/skivvy and gets moody when you expect him to actually be an involved parent.

Ugh.

Groping you when you’re busy trying to get things done is beyond grim.

WhiskeyInTheJar33 · 01/09/2022 21:38

You need to stop doing everything. Stop cooking his dinner, stop cleaning up after him, go out and have some "me time" leave him having to parent for an hour or two. Take his game controller with you too. Then he'll see how "needy" you are 🙄

Daisybuttercup12345 · 01/09/2022 21:42

Why are you with this selfish idiot?

MozzarellaMonster · 01/09/2022 21:42

He actually said "can't be arsed?" I would have taken the kid and plopped him on his lap and left him to it in the living room..
He sounds like a shit partner you should be able to be able to ask the other one to help while one does a job that needs doing he's being a complete dick to think he can pick and chose if he helps!

Mammyloveswine · 01/09/2022 21:48

Fucks me right off when my DH lets the kids wander in whilst I'm in the middle of cooking.. so many times I say "can you just take them out for 10 bloody mins?" Similarly when I've dished up and then am faffing sorting drinks and my own dinner is bloody getting cold.

I do work full time now now so tried it when he was cooking and he realised how bloody stressful it is! Can he cook on a weekend abs you do similar? So he can actually see how annoying it is?

The groping is urgh...my DH was like this begord we had the kids and I've told him not to dare touch me in a disrespectful manner in front of the kids as if he does I'll divorce him.

Do not tolerate such behaviour...don't be gaslighted..

StoneofDestiny · 01/09/2022 22:18

He actually said "can't be arsed?" I would have taken the kid and plopped him on his lap and left him to it in the living room

or better still, plopped the dinner in his lap!

lancsgirl85 · 01/09/2022 22:22

Urgh. He "can't be arsed" to play with his child and he gropes you while you're doing housework, instead of helping. Grim. In so many ways. 🤢 YANBU!!!

ShimmyYaYaYay · 01/09/2022 22:28

Could hsve written this myself and i'm glad others have said how gross this behaviour is.

Fucking repulses me