To be resentful

[Shaniquaandwhat]

I’m starting to become irritated by DH. Yesterday he pretty much came in from work and straight out to a footie match, tonight he goes for a curry and a pint so it is me left with the kids again. This weekend he is at a gig so staying over from sat to sun, granted I was away with the girls last month for 2 nights but it’s very few and far between. I’m absolutely nackered looking after my 5 and 2 year old and feel he gets so much more downtime than me.

You feel that way because he does. It’s not fair.

He says I can do whatever I want but I’m too bloody shattered

What does he say when you bring it up?

Do you work, does he do his fair share at home?

Just rolls his eyes, he also said he doesn’t understand why I moan as when he had the kids for the weekend it was easy. I only work part time so I think he thinks I should be greatful, which I am but it’s bloody hard.

I do everything, literally, he hasn’t a clue about how much I have spent on new uniform, days out whilst the kids are off etc. I’m starting to hate him.

You are presumably looking after the kids when not working, not out with your mates? So you working part time has sod all to do with it. Unless they’re both in childcare FT, you have a cleaner and you have hours to yourself each week. Doubt it though.

I’d be resentful too OP. And I’d start booking myself a day/ evening/ weekend off every time he does. Even if you do nothing except go sit in a cafe and read a book!

Yes I am either working or looking after the kids.

I agree it doesn’t matter who is working FT or PT and who is doing the most childcare in a situation like yours. What really matters is equal time for hobbies, friends and fitness/leisure. It sounds like your DH gets more time than you do for hobbies, friends and fitness/leisure. You need to urgently try to correct that as that is what is causing the resentment. He can’t take the lions share and leave you with table scraps.

I feel because I went on that weekend away he feels even more in the right 🙄 it’s pointless arguing with him because he goes on and on until I just give up, he can literally never be wrong. He’s great with the kids though, he plays with them and they are constantly laughing when he is around. I’m too bloody shattered of the constant conversation all day and feel like a zombie by the end of the day 😅

I justify it to myself because I find constant pretend play etc so tedious, he does that with them though. I’m the boring parent.

It’s pretty standard that the “fun” parent is the one spending the least time with the DC and the “boring” parent is the one spending the most time with the DC. This is because usually the ‘fun’ parent is only there for the fun. The ‘boring’ parent is the one telling them to brush their teeth and pick their toys up. So don’t feel like you are a lesser parent. Your hard work on the day to day slog of router parenting enables your DH to only be there for the fun bits.

I hate him too, from your description.

Selfish, entitled, small hearted, unempathic. Ugh.

Honestly these threads are so saddening. You’re working so hard and have the mental load and hardly ever get time away. And he doesn’t give a shit and prioritises himself every time.

I bet he thinks of himself as fun and ‘young’ and funny and cool - a good laugh with his mates - when actually he’s selfish and small, determinedly ignoring the needs of the person who he should be honouring first, his partner and the mother of his kids. It’s grossly immature and self absorbed. And lazy.

Me too.

He does 5% and thinks that absolves him of 95%.

Start keeping a note and start booking a night away for everyone he is away.
If it means going and sleeping at your parents or a friend.
Just pack up and do it.

He doesn't sound like a good man.

He sounds like "absolute minimum I can get away with man".

He also sounds like a bit of a bully who grinds you down to.

Sort your contraception and start looking after yourself.

He's not going to.

👏👏👏👏👏

Just match his time out and away hour for hour
pretty sure it will lead to a heated discussion within a very short amount of time

Stop being resentful and start making him do his share.

Write out a list of things ti be done and hand over half to him. Do only your half.

Every time he goes out say, that's great ill be out tom night and actually do it.

If its all so easy there won't be a problem and you won't need to feel resentful.