AIBU?
To find constant flurry of messages stressful
Passtheshops · 01/09/2022 16:28
One of my friends has always messaged a lot but she stopped working two years ago and since then it’s just got a bit ridiculous. If I send one reply it just encourages this frantic barrage so I’ll receive five or six in short succession. She also sometimes sends one message in three or four so a message like I am so tired is I (one l) am (two) SOOOO (three) tired!! (Four.)
If I ignore they do stop but then I feel bad as she can see I have been online if I reply to someone else. I know I could disable this feature but I quite like it!
I am not necessarily seeking advice on managing it but I am just wondering if others would feel as I do. When I’m busy my phone constantly buzzing stresses me out (I have muted her in the past but then inadvertently ended up ignoring her for ages!)
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
10HailMarys · 01/09/2022 16:31
Don't keep replying. It doesn't matter if she sees you've been online and not replied - in fact, that's a good thing, because then she might get the hint.
Passtheshops · 01/09/2022 16:32
The problem is that unless I completely break off the friendship as soon as I DO reply the flurry starts.
IvyPlant · 01/09/2022 16:32
I feel the same. I mute all messaging notifications on my phone except for my partner and in-laws in case of any childcare issues.
I do have a preview widget on my phone (Samsung) that lets me read WhatsApp messages without opening them so I can ignore them until I'm ready to reply.
I used to text message a lot in my early 20s but can't stand it now. Would much rather speak on the phone or in person. I do feel overwhelmed when someone messages constantly, but I usually wait until I'm ready and then reply with a paragraph of text.
Hadalifeonce · 01/09/2022 16:33
I don't bother having any sound for any notification, so I just periodically look at my phone for messages. The phone is on, and will ring for a call, just not ping or vibrate for texts, Snapchat or messages
10HailMarys · 01/09/2022 16:34
10HailMarys · 01/09/2022 16:31
Don't keep replying. It doesn't matter if she sees you've been online and not replied - in fact, that's a good thing, because then she might get the hint.
Oops, posted reply too soon and now I'm posting in instalments which makes me as bad as your bloody friend! Sorry. I was going to add that I would find constant messaging like that stressful too, so I completely get why you feel this way, but I would risk offending her for the sake of not feeding her need for attention.
Actually it's probably not even a need for attention, is it? It's probably boredom. She's using you to pass the time instead of getting a hobby or something.
riotlady · 01/09/2022 16:40
Is she actually badgering you to get back to her or does she just break her message up into different bits? For example it would be quite normal for a friend to message me
omg have you been watching stranger things
I’m obsessed
Dustin is my fave
as three separate messages, and I wouldn’t think that was particularly unusual or annoying
Testina · 01/09/2022 16:46
I
am
sooooo
tired
as 4 messages is just a style of texting for emphasis. I wouldn’t find that annoying. I don’t think it’s unusual.
I quite like my phone buzzing away! But I don’t feel any pressure in that. I reply when I want to, and at the length I want to.
Anon50000 · 01/09/2022 17:22
I often break messages up. Most people I message do too.
I do mostly have my phone on silent though.
Passtheshops · 01/09/2022 18:11
2bazookas · 01/09/2022 17:09
Try turning your phone off. It's that button on the side.
But I shouldn’t have to do that, should I? Because people might actually need to contact me.
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