How would you deal with this ?

[Lionesx]

I have been with my partner a long time many years. we are going through a rough patch where I am wanting to leave due to a number of reasons. My partners teenage son has been living in my property, I'm not sure of the full extent but he had a relationship break down with his mum. I didn't get asked about this, the son just never went home one day, he also has to share a room with my child. Anyway me and my partner had a heated discussion and I told him to leave as I just had enough of the pure disrespect, and just being treated like rubbish. Anyway he went out for the day and later come back to get his son to run in to the house to collect some of his things. The child then started to call me a f'in ho* and smashed my house up. My partner was in the car at this point. Anyway to the point, me and my partner are on speaking terms hes currently looking for somewhere to live, he keeps saying to me he needs to speak to me, i also know it's coming, about his son coming back to my house but he doesn't have anywhere else to take him. I avoid the conversation as I do not want his child in my property. What would you do? Am I being mean?

You're seriously asking this question?

I wouldn't take either of them back! The only reason your DP needs a place to stay and has just realised they've run out of options.

Hence, coming back to you! Do you really want to go there again?

If you allow either of them back into your home- you've only got yourself to blame.

How old is the child?

What did he say when you told him that your child smashed up your house? Did he replace what he broke, did he get him to apologise, ground him?

I'd also be wondering what he'd said to his son because he didn't come in to get his stuff himself, he sent his child and his child was really angry at you. He must have said something to him for his child to have reacted like that. That in itself would worry me a lot.

Has there been an apology from the son and offer of compensation for trashed home from his Father ?
Don't be a doormat.

lol

PLEASE do not allow your partner or his child in to your home. If you won't do it for your sake, do it for your child's sake.

Change the locks and have nothing to do with either of them again.

I would say that unless he wants me talking to the police about his son and his abusive behaviour and criminal damage, there's no way his son is crossing the threshold again, and he's got two weeks to sort himself out some place else to live. And that, to my mind, is possibly being overly generous.

Your gaff, your rules.
You do not have to let an abusive person live in your house, whatever their age.
Keep them both out, move on. Good luck op

Don't have either back!

In no way should you take either of them back. You don't mention age, just teenage (13-19) and he smashed your house up, you also need to think of your child and the danger he/she coukd be in. A teenager is of age to know right from wrong.

Don't let the child back in any circumstances. Only consider having the partner back if he apologises for his child smashing up your house and calling you those names, and the child offers a full apology. Even then, the child mustn't come back, they're trouble.

You're not being mean no. I wouldn't have either of them back after that, they have effectively given you the perfect excuse. Actions have consequences...

What would you do?
Call the cops & change the locks.

Am I being mean?
WHAT?
How long have you been undermined by this man & his sod of a son - that this is even a question?

No, the son does not ever cross your threshold again.
Your ex - ditto.
His housing problem is not YOUR problem.
If he didn't want to lose his cushy lodgings with you, he should have behaved like a decent human being to you, also parented his ghastly child properly.

Have you posted about this situation previously OP? Something about the dynamic is ringing bells.

If you don't have the self esteem and boundaries to put yourself first, at least put your own child first, ffs.

Yup, way too generous.

Why should OP put herself through 2 weeks of miserable stress from this ghastly man - let alone her poor child, who was forced to share a roomw ith the violent son? I imagine the child would be pleased to never have to see either of them again. Imagine how upsetting seeing the damage caused to their home was for the child!

Ex can fuck off to a Travelodge if he has no friends or family.
And that's more than he deserves.
I'd be in touch with the police already, & suing for damages.

Does an apology fix & pay for the damage?
Does it reassure & soothe the child who probably witnessed it?
Does it make all the "I am wanting to leave due to a number of reasons" suddenly ok again?

OP has no reason to doormat for this man ever again, & doesn't need her soft heart encouraged to give him any more excuses.

That's what I did do, unfortunately the child is underage so hardly get punished for it. He apologised yes, he hasn't replaced anything as of yet though. He said he told his son off and sent the boy back to his mums. But didn't tell the mum why he sent him back. I don't think I want an apology from the boy, I honestly have no desire to see the child again. I honestly did so much for that child.
I even felt bad for calling the police, so I'm happy that it's not me just being an evil step mother as you like. Thank you for your insight x

Nope nothing as of yet. The father has apologised but that's it.

It's domestic abuse if the teenager is over 16
Regardless it is adolescent yo parent or parent figure abuse and you could face a a.47 Chikdren Act investigation if you let this aggressive boy back into your house- who is not your child- without there being some type of intervention as you have ? younger children / child
All your child needs to do is mention it to school and they won't look in you favourably for failing to protect your DC if you let ex DP move back in with his teenage boy who has proven to be violent

Oh you did call the police and report the boys actions. Good

As he left you were lucky not to have s47 enquiry but fgs don't let buy return to you. Frankly I wouldn't let exDP return either as he let it happen

Love this answer lol

Yeah I called the police, they havnt spoken to the boy yet. So I think they think I didn't call the police.

And how does your child feel about sharing a room with an unrelated child who will smash up your own child’s environment and call their parent a “fucking ho”?

You feel “mean” because you don’t want that child back. Honestly? If you put that child back into your own child’s home, that would make you a really poor parent to them.

If you do waver and have them back - you’re still calling him you partner?!! - then you share a room with your boyfriend and his child. Don’t want to? Don’t make your own child.

They called themselves brothers before this happened they are the same age 15- and they have known each other since 3 years old. So before this happened he was fine sharing his room. Now? He definitely wouldn't nor would I put him in thag situation

I do feel mean, prior to this I had what I thought a good relationship with the child, and I've also seen him grown and spent alot of time with him. And I feel sad it's come to this and me washing my hands with the child.

My partner ex partner - we are going through a break up after 11years and kids together I don't know what to call him or call this. But thank you for your kind words 🙂