Do you have to tell the dad your child’s nursery

[Happyface12]

So my daughter is starting nursery Monday as I’m also starting work in the same nursery so she’s coming with me currently I haven’t told the dad where the nursery is I’ve gave him the name to another nursery so he thinks we’re going there . And already he’s said he’s gonna call them up giving them a load of abuse and making up lies about me to make me lose my job . He was down as an emergency contact for her but I’ve messaged the manager asking her to remove her dads details j case they ever call him and he finds out where it is. But there’s only so many nurseries round here so he’s gonna find out sooner or later so I don’t know what to do cause he’s gonna end up getting me the sack

Does he access to your DD

Are the police aware of any threats?

Does he have PR if so then yes you need to tell him.

Tell your new employer that you suspect he is going to cause trouble for both you and DD.
They'll have seen many other fathers causing issues for children and mothers.

I've never told my son's dad when he has asked. Put someone else down as an emergency contact.

Tell your manager about his threats, so that if he does call up they know it's all bullshit.

Talk to your manager. I'm sure if he calls up abusing them and telling them lies about you they'll see straight through him.

Legal if he has parental responsibility you have no right to keep this from him.

Morally he sounds like an abusive twat and I totally get where you’re coming from x

I'm pretty sure a random man ringing up a nursery claiming to be someone's father asking if the child goes there would be a safe guarding risk anyway?

Talk to your manager. They will have some experience with this so will be able to work with you to keep you both safe.

Please don’t make things like this up. There is a child at risk here. It does not sound like the OP is being petty towards the child’s Dad. She is trying to avoid abuse. If the nursery have never met him they can’t hand her over to him. I have not given my child’s school his dad’s details. He has PR they did not question it.

I think you should look into getting a restraining order against him and contact the police about the threats.

Just be honest with your manager I’m sure they’ll be sympathetic and this way they’ll be prepared to help you.

make sure you keep a record of all threats and abuse and report to police. This is no way to live and puts you and your dc at risk. Call women’s aid for advice too. yy to restraining order as pp mentioned.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. If you can, try to avoid talking to him so that all his abuse and every threat he makes against you is on a voicemail or in a message you can get a screenshot of. Keep a record of it. Talk to the police, show them all the evidence and be persistent if they try to brush it off so that there’s an official police record of it all. Its harassment. Talk to your employer and explain that you have an abusive ex and that he has made threats to contact them and that you have reported him to the police. Basically, stay calm, collect your evidence and get your explanations in first.

Talk to your work in advance so they know to expect it and that it's all lies, and escalate with the police quickly if he does start calling.

hi thanks everyone I’ve told the nursery to remove his details I said as he is a trouble causer I didn’t go into to much details, so hopefully he don’t find out where it is and ruin it for us. It’s a fairly new nursery only been open few months so they might not of come across this situation before so I don’t want to make a fool of myself . I’ve told the police about him many times and nothings ever been taken serious

Ok so a crazed father phoning a nursery isn't going to make you lose your job. I would expect nursery to follow a simple procedure if they were getting abusive calls which would involve the police.

YABU to have given him the name of a different nursery though, that's quite an awful position to put an innocent nursery in.

I'm a bit puzzled as to why you told him anything at all?

No you don’t.

My child has been to 2 nurseries, 2 junior schools and now secondary school my ex has never known where they attend and has never been written down on any forms and he has PR. I have added other family members as emergency contacts if I cant be contacted.

It sounds like you've made it crystal clear to the nursery that he mustn't have access to your child. They are really good at these things.

How does he treat you in general, OP? Do you need to take this further for your own protection? Unless DD is a baby, she's capable of telling her Daddy, 'I go to (say) Little Owls' - does he have access to her?

Sorry you are going through this. When I worked in a council run nursery you had to list anyone with parental responsibility on the registration forms, and if they come to collect they have the right to I’m afraid, you need a court order to say otherwise.

Don’t worry about it being a new nursery OP. The staff may have worked in and managed previous nurseries and have training in child safeguarding. (They should IMO at an absolute minimum).

If he has PR then yes he has a legal right to know and you can't withhold that information from him.

Nursery is different from school. Nursery would refuse school needed a court order to refuse but offered me the chance to come and collect Ds first..

Is thete a court order in place ?

My sons dad has PR. I didn’t put his details on the form or tell him