To want all the weekend lie ins?

[BradPittsLeftTit]

It's a lie in one...

We have two small DCs, 6 months and nearly 3 years. They are both pretty solid sleepers but early risers and baby still has an early bottle

I'll set out the stall now that DH is a pretty hands on parent: does meal times, nappies, takes them out at the weekend on occasion so I can have solo time, cooks, cleans up, does bedtimes etc etc (I should add all of this list we share, he doesn't do it all the time). The only thing he doesn't do is overnights with the baby as he's working and I'm on maternity leave. I'm happy with this as baby rarely wakes through the night and he deals with toddler if he wakes

Now to the issue: DH works from home and has an office set upstairs. He can, and often will, roll out of bed, shower, dress, grab a coffee and log in so can be asleep at 8.45 and online at 9.

In the week I wake up when the baby does around 5am. I can usually get the baby back to sleep with a bottle but it takes an hour. Baby will then sleep til 8 BUT toddler then wakes around 6ish. He'll play happily upstairs in our room but with interaction and usually wants breakfast at 7.30. Then up, dress and take him to nursery with baby in tow at 8.20

I see the weekdays as DH having a lie in most days and me often being awake for the day from 5. I therefore want both lie ins at the weekend (we're talking 9am max). DH argues the weekend lie ins should be split as I can nap in the day during the week when the baby sleeps and he needs to extra weekday sleep as is working and often late to bed (not working, watching films).

For those who've been on mat leave, you'll know that in reality, when baby sleeps you usually clear up any mess from playing, put a load of washing on etc etc

YABU: Lies ins should be shared over the weekend
YANBU: You should get all the lie ins!

I think a fairer thing would be to split all the wake ups during the week then share the lie ins at the weekend. I can’t see why he can’t get up with the kids in the week a couple of days then you get to sleep until 8.45. That’s how DH and I have always done it then we take it in turns at the weekend.
If not then yes you should have both days as sleeping in until 8.45 every week day would be a bit of a dream come true for me (even before DC)

I have no idea why you are focusing on this and not the fact that your husband is a lazy father and thinks he doesn’t have to parent in the mornings.
How hands on can he be if he chooses to sleep until 8:45 in the week leaving you to sort 2 kids?

What adult of two small kids sleeps until 8.45am? Working or not. Another selfish prick

Split the weekends and the weekdays. I have no idea why he thinks it reasonable not to parent in the mornings.

Of your 2 choices, I think YABU. BUT, that's because I think actually you should get one weekend lie in, and 2 during the week.
No watshpuld one parent be getting up regularly at 5am while the other sleeps til nearly 9.

I haven't voted, BTW.

What time does he finish work? I don't see any reason, especially as he's working from home, that he can't get up at 5/6am at least every other day and cover the kids until you get up at say 845, giving him time to sort himself out and log on at 9am.

Failing this, I'd suggest you actually start napping during the day with baby, fuck everything else and let him sort it out when he finishes work.

Yep, I agree with PP. Alternate who gets up EVERY day.

He'll quickly realise what a great deal he had, I can't believe he's complaining (well I can, as there are so many pricks masquerading as fathers on here).

He takes care of 3yo in morning. We have almost exact same set-up, except baby is a bit younger, and my DH is responsible for 3yo in morning from when she wakes up till he starts work. He WFH too.

I think you're right about splitting the week.

I think we've both sort of fallen into this pattern; he used to do all the mornings with toddler and take him to nursery while i had a lie in with the baby (he's really a decent chap) but toddler went through a really clingy phase where he would scream unless it was me doing nappy, taking him to nursery etc and as it was so early we just switched and he had baby and I took toddler.

Then baby started sleeping mostly through and it's just stuck with me doing toddler so he doesnt kick off and I've also done the early baby wakings as I was doing overnight.

I think what we actually need to address is the toddler attachment and try and unlatch him so we can share mornings again and split weekday and weekends

Failing this, I'd suggest you actually start napping during the day with baby, fuck everything else and let him sort it out when he finishes work.

This is also good advice. Baby does now nap for 2 hour chunks and think I need to unclench about the housework!

This!

My Dh usually leaves about 6am so isn’t around to help in the morning. I resent that enough even though I completely get it- I cannot imagine getting them all ready while he lay in bed just because he worked from home!! He would be up and helping. If he is at home, he does the morning and I sleep in since I’m up with the baby at night. So in my book you get a sleep in 7 mornings a week since your dh is around to help. Seriously.

This.

Weekend lie ins should be split but why on earth does he have no responsibilities for getting one of them up?

So when the toddler gets up at 6, and is playing in your room till 7.30, where is your husband?

I had much the same issue so ‘D’H agreed to share weekend lie ins, but in reality this means that when he’s up at 6 with the baby and I stay in bed, be goes BACK to bed when I get up, for longer than he ‘gave’ me as a lie in. It’s really fucking me off but he doesn’t see the issue as I’m ‘up anyway’