To consider relocating

[HappinesDependsOnYou]

My stbxh had an affair which has broken our relationship beyond repair. He has financially screwed me as we have not long lived in our house so we rub the risk of negative equity when we sell. I would be unable to get a mortgage on my own and rent is extortionate as I live in SE. I grew up here but have no family only friends here. He has family here. We have 1 DC who is nursery age.

I'm considering my options house wise and am considering moving further away to enable me to get a mortgage on my own. I can move work with no issue. I have some great friends but they are all settled with young families so we only see each other sporadically. I have some lovely mum friends but wonder of these friendships will fizzle as our children reach school age.

Am I unreasonable for thinking moving away to a cheaper area where I could get a property of my own is worth considering?

YABU - bonkers idea
YANBU - not a bonkers idea

Unfortunately I don't think it's wholly up to you, given that you have a young child together.

How far would you be thinking of relocating?

I don't think it's crazy at all. Can you move closer to your family for some support?

It sounds like you would struggle to financially live in the area you are in now, and you don't have a strong support network. Seems a no brainer to at least consider moving. How far away are you thinking? Where do your family live? I personally wouldn't go too far to enable steady relationships between your ex and your child if it's possible

I asked a similar question recently and replies suggested I'd be punishing STBEXH by moving away however after consulting a solicitor they said that whilst they did recently have a case where a father was able to prevent his former wife moving away with his child that was because they both arguably had ties to his area

In my case neither him or I have family or even close friends here and with having 3 young children it would be reasonable that I would want to move for emotional and physical support close to family. Also if I was able to demonstrate that I'd be better able to afford to house the kids that would also go in my favour

How far away do you want to go?

How much time do you each have with your DC?

Do it now while you are still young enough to make a new life and new friends. Wish I had. The S.E is so over priced and over crowded. So many other beautiful parts of the U.K. where you have more space and more affordable housing. Would you be moving closer to family?

I don't want to ruin or interfer with their relationship but I also can't see a good life if we stay and I struggle financially. I'm so angry that I'm trapped by someone so selfish. He chose to have an affair not me and yet I'm the one who will struggle the most because of it. I think realistically we would be moving a couple of hours away if at all. Part of me thinks no its too long a drive for a child to see their other parent but then what life can I give him here?

Depends if you're willing to do the drive

As the one deciding to move it will fall to you to do it

To answer some questions the contact is sporadic as he is emergency services on shift work. He sometimes has him to stay over night during the week and 2 weekends in 5. The over night wouldn't work due to school etc so I would worry I am effectively cutting contact down if I move. I can't move very close to family as they live a further distance away and in areas as expensive if not more so then where I am but I would be closer to them then I am now

You have to think long and hard before attempting to move a child 2 hours away. That makes weekend contact still possible but a pita all round, but pretty much removes the other parent from daily life. Not something to be done lightly, though I sympathise that it’s his fault - also the receiving end of an affair!

Surely you won’t have much if any negative equity? In the SE in a rising market, your deposit will cushion you?

Have you factored in CMS to your coatings of staying closer than 2 hours away?

The house is unlikely to gain much value as it needs major work and we have hefty early repayment fees uf we sell in the next year. I thought I could stay here a couple of years but I feel suffocated being in what was suppose to be our forever home and it now just feels like it's an overwhelming trap. I feel if I stay were bound together as we need to invest a lot fairly soon really. If we sell I am likely to take a hit financially and even with fill equity I couldn't get a mortgage on my own. Feels gutting to give up my home to hand the money from it to a landlord and face not having the same security

In view of your last post and then I would have no hesitation in moving away. You Ex got you into this financial mess by breaking up the marriage, so he will now have to suck up the consequences of his actions.

If he is unhappy then he has three choices, he gives you a larger proportion from the sale of the house in order for you to afford a home for you and your DC in the same area, he puts up with a longer travel time, or he moves to be closer to his DC.

He fucked up, he doesn't get to now dictate that you put yourself and your DC at a financial disadvantage and in possible poverty just to make his life easier.