Spontaneity or Plan, Plan, Plan?

[Lunar270]

Not really an AIBU but would like to understand people's preferences.

I'm perfectly happy to plan but am also pretty spontaneous. For instance, we've road tripped across Europe to Spain and Italy having only booked the first hotel and then booked subsequent stops on the fly.

Often my wife and I will go out for a drive and then stop to eat at anywhere that looks interesting or suits our taste at the time. Could be Thai, Indian, Italian etc.

Some of our friends think we're freaks as they have to plan everything and know exactly where they're eating. Therefore a weekend in London would have an itinerary for lunch, dinner etc.

Obvs you need to plan to some extent but struggle to understand why people have to plan everything.

Definitely no right or wrong, so not judging but just interested in opinions. Thanks!

Mix of both. Of course it's normal to plan meals out but to not leave anything to chance is a bit odd.

If there is no plan I don't go is my motto

I'm a planner, before my first was born I'd planned out their birthday parties for the next 10 years

I plan holidays 5-10 years in advance with full itineraries

Before kids - spontaneous

With young kids - plan

With older kids - mix of both

Once the kids have left home - hope to be spontaneous again

Planning saves time (wandering around looking for somewhere), money (can choose best value option) and means you can have the most fun.

I have relatives who think planning = imprisonment. I hate spending time with them. They piss about, debating where to spend the day, (kids getting more and more antsy) until 11:30 a.m., decide to 'look for something when we get there'. When we finally arrive all the good places are full and we end up somewhere crap and expensive.

We did a road trip in the States (without the commitment-phobic relatives). Every night stayed in either the best cheap place in town or somewhere straight-up nice. Ate the tastiest food. In one town this was actually the rather- lovely restaurant attached to the bowling alley. We would never have found it by chance. In another it was a (sensational) bakery.

Personally planning down to small detail is really enjoyable for me. I like the decisions to have been made so I can relax knowing exactly what we are going to do. And I then make sure we get the most out of our destination.

That is uber impressive!

Don't get me wrong, planning is important and agree with the classic saying, "fail to prepare, prepare to fail' but is interesting when it comes to things like this.

Can I ask what happens if things don't go to plan? Is it a problem or are you able to adapt and work around?

@Lunar270

In my 32 years on this planet nothing has ever not gone to plan

I take that as the ultimate thumbs up on my planning skills

I had even planned my wedding down to the date 3 years before even meeting DH

I have always been like this though, ever since my dad taught me to use excel at 9 years old I'd plan our family holidays, as my family are all spontaneous people

I’m someone to plan everything while my DH is more spontaneous and it’s brought a lot more fun to my life

I like a mixture - I recently went to Amsterdam and booked the Anne Frank house in advance as I really wanted to go but I chose restaurants etc on the day.

Planning saves time.
I'm not rigid and can be flexible but generally, planning saves a lot of stress, time and often, money.

I'm plan, plan, plan but trying to make a conscious effort to be a bit more spontaneous as I realised I was getting upset/stressed when things didn't go to plan.

However we do have a weekend in London coming up and that is something that I've taken time to plan as I want to make the most of our time there rather than wondering around working out what to do/where to eat, if it's a trip I'm spending a lot of money on I want to be organised!

Basic base level plan (train/flight times, check in - out times, the odd timed activity that can't be changed) other than that full spontaneity.
Honestly the whole full itinerary people just reek of being an absolute boring bastard to me. Couldn't go on any sort of trip like that, think I'd fall asleep whenever they read the itinerary out.

I don’t tend to plan or set anything in stone, but I do do some research beforehand.

Example… We drove to Europe this summer for 4 weeks. I had the tunnel booked with flexi as I wasn’t sure when we’d be going/coming back. and an air bnb booked for the second week. I had a vague idea in my head about where we might stop on the way and what we will do in last couple weeks. But nothing planning as I like the flexibility.

As it happens, we ended up breaking down! We researched a bit on how to get home without a car as you can’t go on the tunnel. Booked a hotel in dunkirk in the afternoon for that night, then booked ferry tickets on the morning we sailed back…. 2 young kids in tow.

I like to do one hurdle at a time

It's not about planning, it's about prioritisation. I want to eat something that works for me at a time that works for me, so I'll plan to make it happen. Likewise seeing people. If you're important to me, I will make a plan and make it happen.

People think it's hilarious that I schedule spontaneity, but that means carving out space where nothing else can be and having the chance to make in the moment decisions without letting other balls drop. If you decide to be spontaneous at 5pm on a Wednesday, good for you, but I can do without the consequences of failing to meet my commitments.

Quite often people who won't plan are selfish and don't want to consider other people 's needs.

I like to plan a fair amount but the problem is, if you are planning for other people then you have to be flexible. I find that if I over plan then either I am bossing everyone else around on a tight schedule down to the last hour or I’m getting stressed that the plan is getting changed. Mostly my family like that I’ve planned but sometimes they want to do something different, or the kids fancy doing something else that theve seen on holiday, or they are unexpectedly tired, or one of them is sick and they can’t go.
Also when holidaying in the UK I like to have every day planned but it’s do dependant on the weather. I usually leave a few days unplanned and then stress about the empty days 🤣
Children can be unpredictable and the more you have the more things might not ‘go to plan’

I take that as the ultimate thumbs up on my planning skills

Haha chapeau!

I could well be turned

But how would you know what your child would be interested in or what they would like for their parties before they were born!? I mean years 1-4 ok but after that surely you want to give them a party that’s catered to their particular interests?

Same as Technosaurus. I'm very much a planner at heart but before we had dc we could afford the time and money to be spontaneous. When our dc were very small everything was planned and organised on advance as it was just easier. They're 7&8 now and we can be a bit more free and easy but tbh I'm much more relaxed with a plan.

@Pinkpeony2

I'm on birthday number 6 for my eldest and they're still enjoying the planned parties.

If there is a major trend change in that time the spreadsheet and plans are updated of course

But this is rare (for example if somewhere closes on my travel itinerary, or is taken over by racists)

I like to plan a fair amount but the problem is, if you are planning for other people then you have to be flexible.

You sound like the perfect friend!

Ours plan and are so rigid that we just go with the flow. Far too stressful otherwise and our needs/preferences are generally less critical than keeping the peace 😂

Somewhere in the middle suits me. We've been on holiday with BIL and his rigid itinerary drives me up the fucking wall and sucks all the of the fun out it.

I'm big on planning, mostly because I really enjoy it - and the anticipation. I also find if you are travelling and just do it on the fly then the cheapest options are often already gone and the best of the more expensive options are also booked up. We were just away in France and wanted to go to a restaurant which we thought would be fine to just turn up at as it was a bit out of town - got there and it was fully booked, and closed for the other two nights we were there. Definitely wished I'd planned that one better.

I like doing the researching and working out the best ways to get around, how to get to different places, interesting and unusual things to see and do. It's easy to miss really cool things if you just go without anything researched or planned.

I think your friends are rude though if they really say you're a freak for not planning - although actually I think this is a stealth boast post about how wonderfully exciting and spontaneous you can be.

I'm definitely some and some. Take this week. I really wanted to see some friends so attanged to come to their city and do that. Then ended up spontaneously meeting with another friend and ended up staying an extra night as we decided to go and see a concert.

although actually I think this is a stealth boast post about how wonderfully exciting and spontaneous you can be.

Definitely not. As I said, I'm not judging or espousing the benefits of one over the other. Just interested in the thoughts behind those who plan vs being spontaneous.

And why can't planning be exciting, if you're planning something really lovely/interesting?

I love a good spreadsheet so can imagine the preparation is very exciting for the individual.

Plan
I wouldn't mind if spontaneity worked but in recent years the times we've been spontaneous have generally ended with absolutely vile "hotels" because anywhere decent is full, nowhere to eat dinner because everywhere is full with bookings (this happened to us just last week). The hospitality & travel sectors run on much tighter capacity than they did in the past, they plan on the basis of being full, which doesnt leave a lot for people who show up on the day.