Arguing about the bathroom in the morning - AIBU?

[098765gk]

I live with someone who has IBS, which means most mornings they are around an hour in the bathroom (going to the loo, and then having a quick shower). It is a source of stress for me as I hate being late, and if I hear them going into the bathroom I know that is an hour+ that I can't get in there to get ready. As a result, I often get up super early when needed. For context, we have a downstairs loo they could use to go to the loo, and then just shower upstairs, but they prefer the upstairs bathroom as there's more privacy.

This morning I woke up at 7am to get ready for work at 8am. I work from home, but today I'm starting work at 8am rather than 9am. I saw I had been send a text in the middle of the night when I was asleep from this person, to say they needed the bathroom at 7am, as they also start work at 8am. They work on shift work so their schedule is all over the place, so it's hard to know when they need the bathroom.

I went and spoke to them and asked if they could go to the loo downstairs before their shower, to give me 15 minutes to quickly shower and get ready and they said yes. They then stayed in bed until 7:10 and came banging on the bathroom door saying they needed to get in there as they were going to be late.

AIBU? I know I technically used their 'slot' in the bathroom, but I did ask if they could go to the loo downstairs so they wouldn't need the bathroom for a full hour. I'm being told IABU as I work from home and they work out of the house, so it's more important for them to be ready on time - which I get, but I did ask first if I could go in the bathroom

You need to agree when you both use the bathroom and stick to it. They should use the other loo when not using the shower.

YANBU if there's another toilet for them to use. It's not fair they hog the only room with a shower in for an hour in the morning (or at all really)

Who is this person?

If it's a spouse they are being completely unreasonable and if it is a house share, even more so.

They need to live on their own if they want to monopolise a loo.

Completely unacceptable and you need to be far less tolerant.

Just because you have a condition does not entitle you to be selfish.

Why do they get priority over the only showering facilities for a full hour every day despite only needing a quick shower?

Just because they text in the middle of the night it doesn't give them the right to reserve the bathroom particularly when there is a perfectly good facility that they can use for most of that hour.

They are being unreasonable, it wasn't 'their slot'

They missed their slot, not your fault imo.

I think they should always use the downstairs toilet rather than hog the bathroom with the shower for a full hour when they’re not actually using the shower for that time.

Are there other people in the house? I'm just thinking that if there are only the 2 of you and you're showering upstairs, then they will have privacy in the downstairs bathroom.

Either way, I still think they are being unreasonable to hog the main bathroom every morning. Maybe they could get up earlier some mornings? You need to work out a rota perhaps?

They need to use the downstairs toilet. It’s unbelievably selfish not to.

If they need the bathroom in this manner, they need an ensuite.

Otherwise they need compromise, not dictating what they need.

Is this a house share?
I have IBS. I know other people with IBS.
None of us can have a neatly timed hour on the loo in the morning. Far more likely that we don’t need to use the loo at all and then just as we need to leave, here comes the urgency and cramps.
My bet is this is a male in a house share doing that male extended shit nonsense.
I’d go in first and lock the door and say “sorry not sorry”.

Why is downstairs less private?

Its impractical for them to monopolise the only shower room for an hour when for the vast majority of their hour is the toilet, not the shower, when there's an alternative, but it does rather depend on how viable the other toilet is.

can you not shower at lunchtime or in the evenings? Or 6:30?

I get it's annoying, I really do, but they can't help having IBS. However, having said this, I don't know anyone with IBS that needs the toilet for 45 mins every morning, but I have known a lot of people (mostly men) that like their morning 'thinking time' on the toilet in the morning.

I do know someone who needs that long on the loo - for him it's after cancer.

But this person should use the downstairs loo. In a nutshell, it's not OK for them to poo in the only room which has a shower in it, if that takes 45 minutes and there's an alternative.

If their IBS is bad they need to spend an hour on the toilet every morning then they need to see their GP.

IBS flare ups can happen anytime;it sounds as they are taking an habitual shit every morning.