MIL annoyance

[nightanddayy]

I live with my dd (12) and dh (not her father)
He has a ds 15, we have a 3 bed house so they have a room each, ds only stays 2 weekends a month, sometimes less if he doesn't feel like coming over (no reason other than being a teen)

We have just had a baby, MIL is upset that we will be using her grandsons room for the baby and he should share with my dd, because her room is bigger.

This has really pissed me off. Firstly its none of her business what we do with our family in our house. Secondly the fact that she wants my dd put out even though there will be a room sitting empty 80%of the time!

We have even said that when ds stays he can have his privacy and baby will sleep in our room that weekend. Not ideal but we cant afford a 4 bed so needs must.

Before anyone starts about not thinking this through, i was told I couldn't have a baby so he was a little miracle baby.

I know that i am probably feeling territorial over dd but why the hell should she suffer and ds be happily in his room at his mums and his room here sitting empty! That makes no sense!

I want to tell her to back off, dh doesnt want me to as he idolises her!

AIBU to say something?

FWIW I think you are wrong. The decision will displace and upset a 15 year old much more than a baby. But you don’t care about his feelings do you? Only your baby matters.

What a pile of frothing nonsense.
The 15 year old isn't being displaced @UWhatNow.
On the 4 nights a month he spend with them, he will have his own room to himself as usual.

The alternative is to displace the 12 year old girl, every night of the month, by making her share the only bedroom she has. Or did you not think that bit through?

It’s none of her business. Let her be unhappy about it.

If she actually says anything about it to you, just say “it’s not up for discussion”.

@KettrickenSmiled her argument is dd sharing or splitting the room will make it the same size as dss's room (which it wont it will be smaller) so she see's that as fair.

Ignore her chat about this. Not her business, just crack on and do what you planned to do.

Start asking her when she's going to sort out the bedrooms in HER house to make it fair for all your children. As they must ALL be treated the same.

As PP said, you don't need to have it out with her, you just do what you are planning to do anyway. Or course it would be silly to have one room standing empty most of the time while the two children living in the house squash together.

Make sure DSS understands that when he is visiting, the room will be his, not with a baby napping in it or whatever. If MIL raises the issue again, you can try calmly explaining to her that it will be DSS's room when he is there, not actually sharing with the baby. For all you know, she hasn't appreciated that point. But once she understands, just drop it. A polite "we would love to have 4 bedrooms but as we don't, we have to do the best we can, which is to give DSS his own space when he visits and make the most sensible use of the space the rest of the time." Then just don't discuss it anymore.

Ignore her.
None of her business.
Discussing it with her will only irritate you more and honestly why even dignify her interference with a comment.
I would however work out exactly how you plan to store the baby's stuff so you can access it when dss is staying. And I would keep baby decorations to a minimum so it doesn't feel embarrassing for dss to sleep there.

I lived in a split custody arrangement between my mother’s and father’s house with a stepfather in the mix too.

OP and the husband cannot afford to buy a house to accommodate the teenaged son. He is there 4 nights a month, less if he has plans with his mates, this will presumably get less as he gets older.

If the son has a permanent bedroom with one parent, that is enough. Most children I knew who had one primary residence had to share rooms on their night with the other parent. OP isn’t even suggesting that he share, the baby will sleep with the parents and the son will have the room to himself when he stays over on his nights.

Mil needs to keep her beak out unless she wants to stump up for paying upgrading to a house with an extra bedroom that will be empty 99 percent of the time.

I agree with the previous poster, grey rock her and be boring. Just say it’s not up for discussion ad nauseam, and don’t get into a discussion with her about it.