You shouldn’t feel that way.

[ireallylikecorn]

To think of someone says “this hurt me” “this made me feel shit” then you shouldn’t say - we’ll you shouldn’t feel like that.

It invalidates how they are feeling. You don’t have to agree that the reason they feel hurt is valid or one you would feel but to dismiss it is shit.

You can say it, if it wasn’t about the person at all, and they then turned it about so it was about them

I largely agree with you, but context might be relevant - if the person is a whiny trouble-maker or attention-seeker who is constantly complaining of hurt feelings it might be valid to tell them they need to be less sensitive.

I agree with @Soubriquet and @Antarcticant that yes, there are certain situations in which you might say this to someone, but by and large, even in those situations, it’s not going to be a particularly helpful thing to say, is it?

And I think we all know what OP is referring to, really. When it’s just a normal situation, when a normal human would feel hurt, and some twat says, “Oh, you shouldn’t feel like that,” either because they don’t want to deal with your feelings or because they caused the situation and don’t want to be responsible. And ESPECIALLY if they caused the situation that hurt your feelings; it’s like the antithesis of apologizing!

Completely agree. Maybe the person thinks you shouldn’t but the point is that you do! It’s because people don’t want to deal with other peoples feelings as it’s difficult (or can be) My DM frequently tells me ‘don’t be like that’ when I have any negative emotions or raise any conflict. It’s taken me much longer than I’d like to realise that I can indeed be like that and feel any way I damn well want!

In fact, “Oh, you shouldn’t feel like that,” and “Well, I’m sorry that you choose to feel that way,” are the most anti-apologies. Really quite nasty, in a lot of situations.

I can see the scenario where someone feels badly about something but shouldn't because it was the only thing they could have done, e.g. having a pet PTS.
Otherwise though, if it's in the vein of 'you shouldn't feel upset' if someone has done the 'I didn't say it to hurt your feelings - it's just what I think' thing then I agree.

@SGChome20 I’m sorry. That is incredibly invalidating and hurtful. It also sounds like your mum can be a bit of a twatwaffle.

It depends on context surely

it is telling someone what to think, and that their feelings about something are invalid because they shouldn't think like that.

Usually used by somebody who has done something to hurt or upset you, then in order to absolve themselves from any culpability they say you are wrong to be upset by what they've done.

Typical abuser/bully tactic. Not nice.