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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel anxious friend isn't replying about holiday this weekend?

21 replies

Celia24 · 31/08/2022 18:25

My friend is temporarily working and living in a European city where another close friend also works - so I'm.looking forward to seeing both. She invited me to stay months ago & I finally told her the dates I was planning to book - she said those dates were fine, to go ahead and book, she was looking forward to catching up etc.

Three weeks ago I confirmed I'd booked -she read it but didn't reply. Not a huge deal as she has been travelling a lot for work and visiting family etc.

But now it is 2 days until I visit and she hasn't responded to my message on Monday about the visit. I can see she's been active on social though. Is it just me or is this incredibly rude?

I should be excited for the trip, instead I'm anxious about what's happening. I'm also going to see my other friend who lives there but the main point of the trip and reason for booking is to visit her...I'm not sure what else I can do except contact her again

OP posts:

Original poster

Celia24 · 31/08/2022 18:26

I don't know if I'm being ott or if others would feel the same!

OP posts:

icantworkout · 31/08/2022 18:26

Looks like she's changed her mind. Can you stay with the other friend or get a hostel/air bnb?

Frizzzmonster · 31/08/2022 18:27

Yes I'd feel the same. Maybe send a message saying I hope you are OK and we are still on for this weekend as I haven't heard from you.

Itsthelookitsthelook · 31/08/2022 18:27

Can you contact the other friend to see if she has heard anything? And could you arrange to stay with her as a backup?

Original poster

Celia24 · 31/08/2022 18:28

@icantworkout I ended up booking a hotel instead of staying with her anyway just to have my own space.

She's very go with the flow so I might hear from her tomorrow night...but right now I feel I can't make plans and honestly I booked these specific dated because she said these were the ones that suited. If she turns out to not be there I'll be seriously annoyed.

OP posts:

Savingpeoplehuntingthings · 31/08/2022 18:29

Ring her and speak to her.

CrapBucket · 31/08/2022 18:30

I think you need to actually phone, not just message

AnyFucker · 31/08/2022 18:32

Speak to her with your words

Crumpleton · 31/08/2022 18:32

Can you phone her instead of sending a message?
Is she the kind that always replies or would just think that you've confirmed the dates with her and they're ok so doesn't see a reply is needed.
Must say I like to know what's what and I'd feel the same as you about the situation.

TeenDivided · 31/08/2022 18:34

Phone her, (2 weeks ago).

Original poster

Celia24 · 31/08/2022 18:34

Crumpleton · 31/08/2022 18:32

I can - she's in another country but I can try her via WhatsApp to call.

I have a friend who came to visit me a month ago and didn't contact me until the morning of - so I suppose some people work this way. But it's the fact she's unresponsive when she can see I've tried to contact her twice that is bothering me

OP posts:

Etinoxaurus · 31/08/2022 18:36

AnyFucker · 31/08/2022 18:32

Speak to her with your words

Mumsnet would be like tumbleweed if only 99% of posters did that!

Original poster

Celia24 · 31/08/2022 18:39

@Etinoxaurus I understand what people are saying and I will call her - but we always message that way and she usually always responds. So it's quite odd that at the crucial time I'm coming to see her she ignores for weeks on end.

I'm starting to feel like I'm pestering her - tbh I would kind of like her to be in touch being as excited to meet up as we haven't seen each other since Christmas.

OP posts:

HangOnToYourself · 31/08/2022 18:44

AnyFucker · 31/08/2022 18:32

Speak to her with your words

🙄🙄 so annoying when people say this, you realise that people can ignore calls just as easily as messages. If she is not replying when she usually does its obviously deliberate and many people these days communicate exclusively through whatsapp or other messaging apps. It is rude of her not to reply whether OP has called her or not

ZooMount · 31/08/2022 18:52

Was the message 3 weeks ago the one where you told her you would get a hotel? Maybe she's offended/annoyed that you turned down the offer to stay with her?

Ship · 31/08/2022 18:56

I would put something like ‘can’t wait to see you on Friday! I will bring the wine’

it is incredibly rude of her to just ignore your messages. I think it’s a good idea to have booked the hotel but I would make her worry for a bit and act like you’re on the way.

pictish · 31/08/2022 18:58

I’d be on edge too but being an impatient sort, I’d have called her by now.

Hope you get a response.

surreygirl1987 · 31/08/2022 19:03

Oh that's annoying and weird. Hope all goes okay!

AnyFucker · 31/08/2022 20:34

I am old enough to remember how everything social was sorted by speaking on the phone, or even that people remembered and honoured plans made F2F some time previously

If you are concerned, speak to her

surreygirl1987 · 02/09/2022 00:17

Any luck??

Original poster

Celia24 · 02/09/2022 11:31

Hi @surreygirl1987 yes I contacted her again and she finally responded. Said she was really looking forward to seeing me so just assumed it was going ahead.

As I hadn't heard from her I asked a mutual friend who was meant to meet her at the weekend if they'd heard from her and she'd said they were meant to meet and then she heard nothing. It isn't really like her so I was worried.

OP posts:

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