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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find my partner's colleague really irritating

11 replies

Jorisbohnson33 · 31/08/2022 17:11

She's his superior at work, and he's known her about a year . I do trust him not to do anything and I know he loves me, if he fancies her deep down (urgh) i know I can't do anything about that.
First of all she has a partner but apparently courts attention from all the men who come into their workplace (public facing) gives them hugs, some have brought her gifts etc.
She went through stress in her new senior role, which apparently she 'didn't want', yet nobody forced her to take it. During this time she bullied my partner, despite being nice to him previously. He was pretty upset and ready to report it to HR then suddenly she was all nice again.
She's done the same thing with 2 other staff members, one has just quit.
She also told my partner he was having a meeting about getting a promotion but it turned out to be a meeting for concern as she'd reported him, which was sly to lie and get his hopes up. Im not saying he's 100% perfect at work but the way she does things is sly.
She texted him calling him a pet name then told him off for calling a customer the same name too.
Anyway atm she's invited him to work with her at some event elsewhere next week (he's the only staff member who she invited) despite there being about 8 staff.
Another staff member is also going now but she had to email asking to be invited.
She offered for my partner to stay at her flat even though there's no need to stay over, the event is only a few hours. Luckily my partner is very loyal and politely declined.
She's posted a picture of them on Facebook doing something she told him he's not allowed to do in working hours, seems like the rule changes when it suits her. On the pic she's doing that fake rolling your head back laughing thing.
I've barely spoken to her but the thing is im conflicted as she's said a few nice things about our relationship to my partner so maybe I'm just being harsh?
I'd never be rude to her or anything, I just don't go to see him when she's there if I can. The best is to just ignore her.
Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Jorisbohnson33 · 31/08/2022 17:14

It's just weird she only invited him, it's during working hours so it's not like the others said oh I can't I'm busy, maybe there's a good reason, but also it's a generic role not one particularly related to his skill set. It's just odd. I'd feel so dodgy if some bloke from work invited me alone to an event out of everyone

OP posts:
Ffsmakeitstop · 31/08/2022 17:15

Just ignore her if you trust him. But on a side note why do you visit him at be work? That's a bit odd.

Jorisbohnson33 · 31/08/2022 17:17

It's a public place where people go to buy/do stuff. I don't think I shouldn't ever go there again just because he works there. He likes me coming in and encourages me to.

OP posts:
Jorisbohnson33 · 31/08/2022 17:21

Also if we're both working long hours it can be the only time I get to see him. Other staffs' partners go in too.

OP posts:
Testina · 31/08/2022 17:22

I can’t work out if your post is about concern for her bullying him, or concern he’ll want to shag her 🤷🏻‍♀️
which is an odd mix anyway.

Jorisbohnson33 · 31/08/2022 17:23

No I trust him, I just think she's out of order inviting only him and then asking him to stay over for no reason. I just don't want to be around her but I haven't told him that, should I? Or just keep to myself?

OP posts:
WagathaChristieMystery · 31/08/2022 17:23

She sounds a bit unprofessional

Jorisbohnson33 · 31/08/2022 17:24

I just don't like her character, and she gets under my skin when I hear how she's treated people. How she treated him then suddenly all nice again with zero apology or explanation.

OP posts:
Testina · 31/08/2022 17:25

But why do you even talk about the possibility of him fancying her deep down? That’s just weird. Why would he?

Jorisbohnson33 · 31/08/2022 17:26

Because people do I guess? Not having feelings, but I have to accept that people are still attracted to others even when in a relationship

OP posts:
Testina · 31/08/2022 17:32

Jorisbohnson33 · 31/08/2022 17:26

Because people do I guess? Not having feelings, but I have to accept that people are still attracted to others even when in a relationship

But it’s really weird to conflate that with a post about her bullying him. My husband has colleagues, I suppose theoretically he could fancy some of them - it just wouldn’t be the first thing I’d think to post about if one of them was being a dick to him.

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