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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To rent flat with boyfriend

27 replies

oonrug · 31/08/2022 14:26

Sorry if this doesn't belong in AIBU - I wasn't 100% sure where to put it!

Me and boyfriend been together a year, both 25 and currently live at my parents house.

They don't mind having us here, but I have been thinking lately about us moving out and renting a flat together. I would obviously rather get a house and mortgage together but neither of us are in the financial position to do that at the moment.

Am I crazy to be thinking about renting a flat while we can carry on living with my parents at a much cheaper cost? I just feel as though we are 25 now and need our own space, but also don't want to feel as though we're 'throwing money away' when we don't necessarily need to.

OP posts:
FindingMeno · 31/08/2022 14:28

You really really should delay this.
Everyone is financially better sharing living costs in the current climate.

JorisBonson · 31/08/2022 14:31

I'm in the other camp. I absolutely wouldn't want to be living at home at 25, never mind with a boyfriend. Just IMO.

Can you get a houseshare somewhere, so costs aren't as much and you can still save for a deposit?

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 31/08/2022 14:33

It all depends on whether you can afford to put money away whilst paying rent, I definitely would want to move out of my parents for privacy though.

Make sure you agree how to split bills/rent etc, before you actually move!

Cherchezlaspice · 31/08/2022 14:35

Depends on your finances and your reasons for wanting to move out.

If you just want the change and a bit of independence, you could move into a flat share. You’d still be able to save, just at a slower rate.

Also, the viewpoint that spending money on a place to live is ‘throwing money away’ isn’t necessarily the right one. You don’t have to buy property, if you’re not fussed. And, if you do want to, it doesn’t have to be (and is statistically unlikely to be) in the next few years. You’re 25, feel free to give yourself some silly time.

stickygecko · 31/08/2022 14:40

If you can afford to pay rent, council tax, bills etc while continuing to put money away to eventually buy then go for it. If not I'd seriously reconsider staying with parents for a while longer and seriously saving. Me and now DH moved out together when we were 21 and 24 and rented, we're still in rented 10 years down the line and I doubt we'll be in a situation to buy anytime soon, if we'd have waited and saved like mad we'd definitely have been home owners by now.

Mrsjayy · 31/08/2022 14:45

I have dds your age an older I wouldn't want them living here with partners full time if you want to live as a couple move out ASAP . Your parents probably want to make you happy .but move out for their sakes as well as yours.

LBFseBrom · 31/08/2022 14:59

It depends on what your parents' house is like; if it is big enough for you to have your own sitting room to entertain your friends and be private, it's OK. If you are all on top of eachother, better to find somewhere to rent

GoneWithTheWine1 · 31/08/2022 15:00

If you're not in the financial position do that, how will you be able to afford eye watering rent and energy bills?
Everything is eye wateringly expensive right now - I would focus on you both getting better jobs first.

AchatAVendre · 31/08/2022 15:06

Why wouldn't you do this at the age of 25? Ignore the mumsnet fearmongers who think living with mummy and daddy until you move into a 3 bed detached financed by mummy and daddy is the norm, most people do this or have done this in their lives. Independence is worth far, far more than the extra money it will cost you and everyone is in the same boat.

Cherchezlaspice · 31/08/2022 15:10

GoneWithTheWine1 · 31/08/2022 15:00

If you're not in the financial position do that, how will you be able to afford eye watering rent and energy bills?
Everything is eye wateringly expensive right now - I would focus on you both getting better jobs first.

Lots of people are in excellent financial shape with great jobs, but haven’t saved enough for a mortgage just yet. Particularly if they are just 25, so may have just started saving.

And not everyone is currently finding things eye wateringly expensive. It all really depends on their finances, prospects, how urgently they want to buy…lots of factors, I think.

Ladyof2022 · 31/08/2022 15:10

Stay where you are and save, save, save! You will NEVER have this opportunity again.

dancemom · 31/08/2022 15:11

Have you been saving while you lived at home?

Do you pay rent to your parents?

10HailMarys · 31/08/2022 15:12

Depends what you can afford and how much space and freedom you have at your parents' place.

I personally wouldn't want to be living with parents at 25, especially as a couple - I'm someone who feels suffocated without complete independence and I think I would really struggle to conduct a normal relationship while living with my mum and dad. My parents are great, very reasonable and I get on really well with them, but I can't imagine I would have wanted to live with them in my mid-20s even when I was single, and definitely not with a boyfriend.

But for some people it works perfectly well and they don't mind the whole extended family way of living at all.

Campervangirl · 31/08/2022 15:13

My DD and her fiance moved in with me while saving for a house, moved out when they were 31yrs old.
We jogged along nicely and they saved enough money for a deposit and enough to do do all the alterations to their house, knocked down walls, new kitchen, bathroom, the garden etc.
Nothing wrong with living with your parents at 25, start saving, don't waste your spare cash on holidays and treats, have the odd treat but save what you can, you're in an ideal situation to get a foot on the housing ladder when you're ready

YellowTreeHouse · 31/08/2022 15:14

You’d be foolish to move out when you’re rent free.

Original poster
oonrug · 31/08/2022 15:26

Thanks everyone for the replies.

I agree with all points of views in different ways! I feel because I'm 25 now I should be moving forward with my life and moving out etc, but then with the cost of living crisis going on don't know if I would be foolish to do so!

Just to address some things, no I don't pay my parents rent - I obviously offer and would love to give them something but they tell me to keep the money and save it for myself as they don't need it (which I have done).

We kind of are on top of eachother in my house, the only space myself and boyfriend have completely to ourselves is my bedroom. Although we all get along brilliantly i steel feel bad about it.

I have a decent job and so does he. I left university 2 years ago though so haven't saved a great deal as for my whole education period I was in university living, and only had a part time job.

OP posts:
RincewindsHat · 31/08/2022 15:54

I think you'd be mad to do it right now. Put it off until summer next year and see where we are then. Rent costs are high right now, food costs & energy costs are spiralling, and honestly, what's another 6-12 months? Save as much as you can right now, and move out when the cost of living stabilises.

Redqueenheart · 31/08/2022 15:58

Frankly I find it odd that you and your boyfriend would want to keep living at home with your parents at the age of 25 long-term.

I could understand if the plan was to do that for a few months and save for a deposit to buy somewhere or if you were in a really difficult financial situation and had no other option but if you have a decent income at that age you should really be independent.

neverbeenskiing · 31/08/2022 16:04

Can you get a houseshare somewhere, so costs aren't as much and you can still save for a deposit?

I wouldn't trade your current situation for a houseshare, OP. You still wouldn't have your own space, you'd be forking out for rent and you'd have to deal with housemates and their partners, visitors etc who might all be fine or might be noisy, messy or inconsiderate etc. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't.

Cas112 · 31/08/2022 16:05

I would stay at home and start saving for the mortgage. Private renting is extortionate at the moment and you may not be able to get yourself in a position to save for a mortgage if you rent. It's a vicious circle to get into. If your parents are happy to have you for the time being then stay and save. It will be worth it when you eventually are in a position to buy

Crayfishforyou · 31/08/2022 16:08

Sit down with a pen and paper and work out how much money you are saving per year. Then work out how long it will take you until you have a house deposit.
Once you have worked that out decide whether you can cope with your current living arrangements until that point.

neverbeenskiing · 31/08/2022 16:13

Frankly I find it odd that you and your boyfriend would want to keep living at home with your parents at the age of 25 long-term.

They don't "want to" but lots of people in their twenties are in OP's position now. The cost of living has gone up massively whilst wages have stagnated in many sectors. Even when you have a good job it's very difficult to save enough for a deposit to buy your own place when the vast majority of your income is going on rent and bills, which are set to keep increasing. DH and I bought our first home when we were in our early twenties but we often remark that if we were just starting out now it would probably have been impossible for us to get on the housing ladder and we'd have been priced out of this area as rents are so high now.

Original poster
oonrug · 31/08/2022 16:15

@Redqueenheart have you read my posts? We don't want to be living with my parents hence why I made the thread, of course we want to move out and be independent otherwise I wouldn't have been asking this in the first place.

Just for clarity, obviously if we stay here for longer we will be saving for a mortgage. But at the moment it's going to take such a long time, I really don't want to still be living at home when I'm in my mid 20's if it's going to take a few years to save a deposit.

OP posts:
Original poster
oonrug · 31/08/2022 16:16

@neverbeenskiing yes I agree, definitely wouldn't consider a house share type of situation! I would rather stay here than do that, although I do appreciate the suggestion from the poster who mentioned it but I know that wouldn't be for me.

OP posts:
xogossipgirlxo · 31/08/2022 16:25

Is rent in your area expensive? It might be worth calculating income minus expenses and see how much you can save. I'm not planning on buying in the UK, but we rent and still make savings. Obviously you'll save faster living with your parents, but I do get why you want to move out.

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