To feel so judged

[Ahugesigh]

Woke up just before 6, when the toddler started shouting. Went to him, took him downstairs. Got him a drink, fed the cat, cleared up mess from last night, got his breakfast, cleared up his breakfast, went up to shower and get dressed.

Out to a park for 9 so toddler could burn off some of his energy, then it started raining so we went to a little soft play session. Back home for 1130, made lunch, cleared up after lunch which toddler refused to eat. Put toddler down for nap, toddler shouted, went and resettled toddler, sat on sofa.

DH appears. ‘Having a nice quiet day?’

Presumably there’s more back story?
What did you reply?

Sounds like he was joking not judging you

Do you usually find it hard to communicate?

Oh don’t. My DH has learned not to come out with these silly comments

Is there a back story? Why not just reply, "no, we've been doing XYZ- nice to finally have a sit down" or whatever?

I wouldn't take someone asking if I was having a nice quite day as a criticism or assume they were judging.

Sounds like you need to have a day off and leave him with the toddler all day sometime soon!

Sounds like a quip said in good fun.

Well, sounds like you've just bee having a normal day with a toddler. You sound resentful and tbh you are the one judging dp for making whst spears to be an innocent comment. Where did dp "appear" from?

You feel judged for sitting on your own sofa? There has to be a back story.

For what it's worth, if I'm having a tough time when I'm on my own with our child I make sure my partner knows. Also, I leave them on their own often enough that he knows full well how tough dealing with a baby/toddler on your own all day is.

What would you rather be doing?

Its very annoying to be caught on a brief break and have someone think that's representative of your day.
At my office we have a courtyard. The other day, after an 8am start, I had my first break at 1.30 and went to sit in the sun for 5 minutes. Cue comment from passer by 'I wish I had a job like yours'
Worse still while at the hospital recently, I heard a man say to a nurse sat on a bench with a coffee 'I thought you lot were supposed to be overworked'.

Unless there's a giant drip-feed coming in which you reveal a long history of abuse and control, I would assume he was joking and think nothing of it.

so you had a pretty normal day. Maternity leave? vacation? whatever.

It's just a conversation opener, isn't it? but you sound defensive. You don't need to be. All you have to say is "phew, first sit down all day, fancy making us a cup of tea? then you can tell me about your day" or something inane like that.

Was he being sarcastic?

Thanks for getting it! I’m not angry but a bit exasperated!

DH used to make a habit of this too!

Manic all day with 2 pre-schoolers. Full on all day, full on teatime routine:- Make dinner, feed dinner, tidy up after dinner including sweeping the bloody floor every day, bath, book, bed. Just as I sit down to enjoy the peace and quiet, in walks bloody DH -who wants to vent about his bloody day- .....

DH has this skill of getting home the minute I’ve sat down after a day of running round after the DC; have no idea how he always times it so well

"Yes I will be, as soon as you make me a cup of tea and something for our dc,..... thanks.......love you (as he heads for the kettle)"

They are literally all clueless!

Are you normally this sensitive?

Oh they come at the wrong moment don’t they?! My DS is an awful napper, but always seems to have a 2-3 hour solid nap when his dad is home 🙄 so sounds like I’m lying when I say I never get to catch up on sleep as his naps are so short/broken!

Its very annoying to be caught on a brief break and have someone think that's representative of your day.

This. Yes, what OP is describing is a normal day with a toddler as pp have pointed out, but sometimes it's tiring and frustrating and you just want someone to acknowledge that.

My lovely friend was in her first trimester, very tired from all day sickness. She got up and was lying on the couch when her husband went to work. After he was gone she did the usual stuff of cleaning the house, preparing a meal, doing the laundry and the ironing. Then she was tired, and lay down again. He came in and said, "Have you just been lying there all day?"
"No" she replied coolly, "I've been building a heart and a brain. What have you done?"

Sometimes you just have to let it go. Sorry, OP.

LTB

Could he have said ‘quiet day’ sarcastically to mean ‘flipping heck you’re having a busy day. As in you have done a lot already for that time of the morning, rather than a comment about the noise.

That comment would have made me strangle him.