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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at MIL for buying us so much stuff?

32 replies

bigbumhole · 22/01/2008 12:29

I don't want to come across as being ungrateful, but MIL keeps buying our DC so much bloody toys, games and clothes, were its actually getting to the point of it being a bit silly.

Our DC are newborn and 2yrs old, and on avreage she spends about £100 a week on them. We live in a tiny terraced house and we just DON'T have the room for any more stuff, we are literally bulging at the seams as it is!

Ok, now the 2 main things that annoy me are.....

I've asked her on several occasions to please stop buying the kids so much stuff as we cant find room for it all, plus she really cant afford to be spending that amount of money on us, but she seems to be in some sort of odd competition and wants to prove that SHE is the better grandparent (by buying us all this stuff), which is just daft.

Secondly, she buys our newborn (who was 8lb born) tiny clothes for premature babies, so we cant even use them at least once, and our 2yrs old gets clothing for age 5-6 plus. I keep pointing this out to her (all the time) but it seems to fall on deaf ears.

What can i do?! Its come to the point now where its really annoying me, and every time we go there (every Saturday) we come home with a boot full of stuff (yes, the boot is actually full to the point i have to sit on it to shut it)

As a result the house is always a constant mess with boxes of toys everywhere and boxes of clothing. Our attic is full and so is the garden shed (with all this stuff!)

I am really reluctant to give this stuff away as its nice and very expensive clothing (Monsoon, Gap, baby boutique shops etc) and brand new toys. She once bought a coat from a baby boutique shop for £64.99!

Am i being unreasonable to be getting so pee'd off with her constant buying to the point i actually DREAD going there?

PS MIL rang last night to tell us to empty our boot before we come up on Saturday as she has some "presents for the kids"

ARRRRRRRRRRGH!!

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 22/01/2008 12:30

Refuse to take them home with you.

loopylou6 · 22/01/2008 12:31

bloody hell, if u dont want her,send her to my house

castille · 22/01/2008 12:32

Make a fortune by selling it on Ebay

hanaflower · 22/01/2008 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDandOllie · 22/01/2008 12:32

Take it back to the shops and swap it for the right sizes! I would! Or get credit notes and save them for when you do need to buy clothes/toys/presents etc.
If you've spoken to her several times and she doesnt want to stop buying, then just make the most of it. Having someone buy you too many presents is quite a nice problem to have at the end of the day

captainmummy · 22/01/2008 12:36

BBH we have the same MIL! She buys my dc loads of stuff all the time - not as much as yours, but enough to p*ss me off. She goes berserk at christmas andbirthdays, and laughs at me for 'passing stuff down', so that at the mo my youngest has about 100 t-shirts and 20 pairs of pyjamas. It was ds2's birthday last week and she bought loads of presents, including a 2-pack of pyjamas, to go with the 2 pack she bought for him for christmas. Does he need 4 pairs of PJs? In addition to the several pairs he already has?

posieflump · 22/01/2008 12:37

get dh to have a word, it's his mum
or suggst a bedroom at her house to put all the stuff and then she can have dcs to stay in the future paving the way for lots of childfree time

VinegarTits · 22/01/2008 12:38

Why not suggest that the money she spends could go into a trust fund for the dc, instead of buying them presents.

cherryredretrochick · 22/01/2008 12:39

Sounds to me like she might have a bit of a problem, is she depressed and using buying stuff for your kids as a outlet? She will end up in debt if she carries on, it is the fact that things are all the wrong sizes that makes me think she is just buying stuff for the rush.
You need to talkto her and tell her that you will not take any more gifts after the last lot she has bought, except birthdays and xmas and agree on a financial boundary for these.
Good Luck, I think maybe she needs to spend more time with you and your dc.

FAQ · 22/01/2008 12:40

before you talk to her - make sure you know for SURE that she can't afford these things.........when my Gran died a few years ago it was the first time my mum had ever looked at their financial stuff - far from being poor pensioners which we all assumed they were - they were rolling in it!

louii · 22/01/2008 12:43

She sounds like she needs help

cornsilk · 22/01/2008 12:47

agree with Soup Dragon - just don't take it and explain why. (wish I had that problem lol!)

VictorianSqualor · 22/01/2008 12:50

Tell her it's great that she buys the DC's toys etc but as you have nowhere to put them maybe she could use a room at her house? It's what I did with exMIL when I got fed up with bringing toys home, just told her they'd have to stay there for when the kids went round.

choosyfloosy · 22/01/2008 12:53

Wow. i'm afraid I would just carry on taking the stuff, and ebay/return it to the shops/recycle the presents to my children's friends. But i would say 'you shouldn't have' with increasingly heavy emphasis, and would have a discussion with dh in front of her about 'ooh now where are we going to be able to put this?' I would also do a car boot, and tell her all about it, how much fun it was and how much space you have now in the attic. At whcih point she will start buying you more stuff no doubt...

it's very difficult with unwanted presents. my brother and his family always turn up with partly used stuff they have kept for us, and although i certainly feel i should be grateful, i don't always feel it, e.g. for 3 novelty birthday candles, half melted?

Kewcumber · 22/01/2008 12:57

ebay is the way forward - or just tell her you are going to ebay anything which doesn't fit/you don't have room for. I suspect she'll be more careful about what she buys...

contentiouscat · 22/01/2008 12:58

I think she may have an emotional problem and maybe buying things for your kids makes her feel better.

If she cant afford it then I would get DH to have a word

If she CAN afford it I would get DH to suggest she sets the kids up an account and start saving some money for them.

SoupDragon · 22/01/2008 13:29

If you say "please don't buy stuff" and then keep taking it anyway, she won't get the message.

If you say "this is the wrong size" and keep taking it anyway, she won't learn.

sdr · 22/01/2008 14:17

Agree, about the savings account. Or if she insists on spending, suggest put the money towards a weekend away together. Assuming you would like this as well.

helenhismadwife · 22/01/2008 16:41

do a picture trail or ebay to get rid of it all. I know exactly what you mean clutter drives me mad, if she wont listen to your requests not to buy stuff just spend the sunday after your visit doing a picture trail of all the unsuitable stuff and stick the money you make in your dc's accounts

My mum was always buying stuff she didnt need for herself, her grandchildren, her dh she ended up in a lot of debt and had to extend her mortgage to get rid of it, it was a hard lesson for her to learn

peacelily · 22/01/2008 16:57

I think we may have the same MIL!! Except mine buys cheap unsuitable crap by the bucket load that I have to take to charity shops!

YANBU

Kimi · 22/01/2008 17:01

Open bank accounts for your children and tell her if she wants to give to them put the money in the bank and not give gifts that do not fit, take up room or are unsuitable.

springlamb · 22/01/2008 17:14

If you think this is a problem now, look ahead a few years.
I have had exactly the same situation with my MIL, who I know adores us and I think the world of her. But despite several straight-talking session she has never curbed her need to bring presents every time she visits (weekly).
I HATE that the dcs see her as a gift-horse now and expect her to bring them things. I already struggle to instil into them to meaning of work and reward, that love and friendship are the best gift of all, etc, etc, and I could cry when they greet their grandma with 'what did you bring for me?'.
Your MIL is opening herself up to that. Tell her so.

tigerlily1980 · 22/01/2008 20:25

We have the same problem. MIL is not very good with children, but thinks that buying heaps of junk buys their love. It doesn't.
At Christmas she spends hundreds of pounds, which used to irritate me...but now I use it to my advantage, and just ask her for overpriced expensive presents for the kids, which I would never buy.

Johnsie · 23/01/2008 09:07

Our baby isn't born yet but my MIL buys her other Grandchild just an unbelievable amount of stuff - especially at Xmas, its overwhelming. I am worried that our child will be spoilt in the same way.

It does sound like your MIL is compensating for something (possibly more to do with her son) but at the end of the day she is his Mother and he needs to take responsibility for addressing this issue with her - if you do it, it becomes a Mother in Law / Daughter in law battle. We had similar when we moved in together - they were (and still do) always picking up junk from sales and charity jumbles etc etc etc. I'm 33 and we are both on a OK salary - we don't need other peoples tat! I had to get Husband to start saying No to things we didn't want cause its just excess clutter that you never use but always have to clean around. It was really hard at first - he found it difficult as did they. But now they still buy stuff and ask us if we want it - rather than giving it to us (so we don't have a choice).

Its much better and less stressful.

Perhaps your MIL could see the benefits of a saving account if you talked to her about how supportive that would be for your Baby and in the future it could help them buy a house, get married, hell! have a child of theor own, go to college (what ever you think makes her tick).

best of luck!

captainmummy · 23/01/2008 10:32

We have to get really angry at MIL - well dh does. She didn't bring dh up, so yes she is over-compensating because she is not good with kids. But every 6 months or so he has to have a real go at her, we tell her and tell her not to buy stuff (at the mo it's yjamas and towels again) and she says 'oh you've never said'. When she comes over I show here the state of my airing cupboard (how full it is I mean) and she gets the message for a few months.