DDending relationship with boyfriend

fucketydoodah · 2022-08-30T14:57:12+00:00

Did, 21 has just ended her relationship with boyfriend who was living in my house. He was devastated, is lovely and I feel terrible! I know they are young etc etc but he was part of my family and watching his grief was dreadful. I’m unreasonably annoyed with her. AIBU?

CruCru · 30/08/2022 15:59

Yeah, you are a bit. It’s all right to be sad but it’s weird to expect your daughter to carry on going out with someone when she doesn’t want to.

She can break up with someone for whatever reason she likes.

OldEvilOwl · 30/08/2022 15:59

Of course your being unreasonable. Amazed you have to ask

titchy · 30/08/2022 16:00

You're quite right. Of course she should remain in a relationship she doesn't want to be in to make you happy.

Crocky · 30/08/2022 16:00

You can feel sad for him but you are completely unreasonable to be annoyed with your daughter.

phishy · 30/08/2022 16:01

Why was he living in your home?

Never ceases to amaze me how quickly MNers allow their children’s boyfriends or girlfriends to stay or live with them.

Trulyweird1 · 30/08/2022 16:02

Don’t interfere. Many years ago my mum berated me for splitting up with my then fiancé. She could not see that I was miserable, and supported him.
it took YEARS for our relationship to be fixed.

PonyTime · 30/08/2022 16:02

YANBU to be annoyed

You'd be unreasonable to show her this though

My dad still is upset about me dumping my first boyfriend and chats to him occasionally (18 years after the fact!)

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 30/08/2022 16:02

You should be supporting her rather than being annoyed at her!

PonyTime · 30/08/2022 16:03

phishy · 30/08/2022 16:01

Why was he living in your home?

Never ceases to amaze me how quickly MNers allow their children’s boyfriends or girlfriends to stay or live with them.

How do you know how long this relationship was?

FreudayNight · 30/08/2022 16:03

So she should continue in a relationship that makes her unhappy?

MessyBunPersonified · 30/08/2022 16:05

You're annoyed with her for being strong enough to end a situation she was unhappy with, despite the fact it would be pretty difficult as they are living together?

You should be applauding her.

Original poster

fucketydoodah · 30/08/2022 16:07

I said I was being unreasonable…. totally aware of that. At no point did I say I wanted her to continue, I’m not that much of a twat. Simply an emotional response….they exist!
Both about to start Masters and couldn’t afford a flat together, it was a well thought out move and I have room.
I guess I was posting to see if others had felt such a mixed reaction.
obviously not you lucky things…

OP posts:

Original poster

fucketydoodah · 30/08/2022 16:08

Wouldn’t dream of admitting this to her

OP posts:

IceStationZebra · 30/08/2022 16:08

You’re getting some harsh responses here OP. It’s ok to be sad that you’ll miss him being around, especially if he was living with you, but your DD has done the right thing for her, which is ultimately more important for both her and you.

Try not to let her see your sadness and focus on supporting her. Let her talk if she wants to.

Ticksallboxes · 30/08/2022 16:09

YABU but it would be normal to feel the way you do.

I remember my mum sobbing when, at 21, I left a gorgeous dentist for a cool but penniless musician.

She just had to get over it - he was like a middle-aged man at 25 and just didn't compare with the musician.

Bluevelvetsofa · 30/08/2022 16:09

I think there are some harsh comments. If your son/daughter has a partner, you’ve got to know and like, spends a lot of time at your house or lives there, of course you’re going to miss that person and be upset because you won’t have a relationship with them any more.

It doesn’t mean you don’t support your own child, but you can be sad for someone who’s upset by the end of a relationship too. Unfortunately, break ups mean breaking up with families too.

PonyTime · 30/08/2022 16:09

fucketydoodah · 30/08/2022 16:07

I said I was being unreasonable…. totally aware of that. At no point did I say I wanted her to continue, I’m not that much of a twat. Simply an emotional response….they exist!
Both about to start Masters and couldn’t afford a flat together, it was a well thought out move and I have room.
I guess I was posting to see if others had felt such a mixed reaction.
obviously not you lucky things…

It's a natural feeling when you get close to someone

And living with a boyfriend of your daughters will do that

I still think about one of my brothers first relationships, and this was years ago and I only met him once, but he had such a hard home life. I still do the odd stalk on FB to make sure he is still alive.

It's natural to care

Ignore the heartless tools on here

Crocky · 30/08/2022 16:10

@fucketydoodah apologies, I do have some understanding. My dd had a boyfriend for about 15 months. He didn’t live with us but was certainly here a lot. They seemed to work so well together and he slotted so easily into family life.
I did feel a little sad when they split up, but was also very, very aware to keep that to myself.

Original poster

fucketydoodah · 30/08/2022 16:11

Thank you for the more understanding responses. He was just so sad and yes I simply felt for him

OP posts:

KiffiesGalore · 30/08/2022 16:17

Have you spoken to her about why? Obviously she may not tell you but it might also shed some light on the matter.

Obviously it is not nice to see him upset and I think it's lovely that you are upset on his behalf to be honest. It doesn't mean you aren't on your daughters side if you are upset for the ex-bf.

Soozikinzii · 30/08/2022 16:28

Yes YABU this has happened to us many times - I have 1DSS and 5DS . The most notable being a gf my eldest son had from aged 17 to 26 .She came round to our house all through sixth form and uni and was like a sister to the other DSs. We were devastated . We are still friends with her DM. But she wasnt the right one for our DS . None of our business . They are now both in happy relationships each having a DS and a DD. Yes its very difficult it was like losing a DD but you just have to be strong and butt out.