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AIBU?

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Original poster

Still in love with ex?

5 replies

KazMa · 30/08/2022 15:32

Both DH and I had partners at uni that were our first loves. We are each other’s second relationships and have a happy marriage.

I regularly think of my ex though, who I haven’t seen for over 5 years! I wonder what he’s doing, if he’s married, if he has kids etc. Is this normal?? And tbh, I kind of miss the sex as he was great, DH on the other hand is a bit vanilla….

I feel like a hypocrite, but DH recently saw his ex at a mutual friends wedding (I was there too and he introduced us - saying the past is the past), and after he confided in me that he still deeply cares for her, wants her to be happy and would be upset if anything bad happened to her. I got upset and felt like he still loves her, and seeing her after so many years I think the feelings came rushing back to him. I saw him glancing over at her a lot during the wedding and I can’t help but feel he’s still attracted to her. He met me less than a year after breaking up with her (they were together 8 years) and our relationship moved pretty fast.

AIBU to feel like I was a rebound relationship?

OP posts:
Vallmo47 · 30/08/2022 15:35

I think it’s hard to bump into an ex and have literally no feeling OP. Do you know how or why his relationship ended? I think he’s been pretty honest with you and as long as he’s never given you reason to doubt him I’d let it go.

Original poster
KazMa · 30/08/2022 15:37

Vallmo47 · 30/08/2022 15:35

I think it’s hard to bump into an ex and have literally no feeling OP. Do you know how or why his relationship ended? I think he’s been pretty honest with you and as long as he’s never given you reason to doubt him I’d let it go.

They broke up and got back together quite a lot, I think she was quite hot headed and they’d argue a lot. In the end he decided she’s not worth the drama.

i just feel like he’d have an issue if we went to a wedding where we both knew my ex would be there, and he’d bring it up if I kept looking at him and going over to talk to him (he spoke to his ex at the wedding in front of me, and then again when he thought I was busy and wasn’t looking!)

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 30/08/2022 15:39

Is it possible the sex was only great because you were so young? People aren’t generally going at it in the same way they were in their late teens/early 20s.

I think it’s easy to romanticise something that ended when you were young because at uni you don’t generally have the same issues you do as you get older. You don’t have the same responsibilities. So it all seems care free and fun, rather than bogged down with bills/kids/mortgage/work etc. But the reality is you don’t know what it would’ve been like, he could be a nightmare husband. You just don’t know.

It’s normal to care about exes, they were a big part of your life at one point and you want them to be happy. That doesn’t necessarily mean you want to be with them now or you have regrets. Relationships don’t break down for no reason.

you say yourself you have a happy marriage. It sounds like you need to stop focusing on the past or what might have been and channel that energy into your marriage. If you’re bored with your sex life, talk to your DH etc.

Original poster
KazMa · 30/08/2022 15:42

Sparklesocks · 30/08/2022 15:39

Is it possible the sex was only great because you were so young? People aren’t generally going at it in the same way they were in their late teens/early 20s.

I think it’s easy to romanticise something that ended when you were young because at uni you don’t generally have the same issues you do as you get older. You don’t have the same responsibilities. So it all seems care free and fun, rather than bogged down with bills/kids/mortgage/work etc. But the reality is you don’t know what it would’ve been like, he could be a nightmare husband. You just don’t know.

It’s normal to care about exes, they were a big part of your life at one point and you want them to be happy. That doesn’t necessarily mean you want to be with them now or you have regrets. Relationships don’t break down for no reason.

you say yourself you have a happy marriage. It sounds like you need to stop focusing on the past or what might have been and channel that energy into your marriage. If you’re bored with your sex life, talk to your DH etc.

That’s true I guess.

Whole other issue here - but one of the reasons sex was so great with ex was that he enjoyed giving head 🌝 but DH doesn’t… he’s done it on the odd few occasions but I’ve given up asking. I have spoken to him about it but he has OCD and just doesn’t like it, so I don’t like to ask as it’s not enjoyable anyway if he does do it as I’m always just concerned about how he’s feeling.

OP posts:
x2boys · 30/08/2022 15:57

I think if you were a rebound relationship it wouldn't have lasted this long ,they were together 8 years so he's bound to have some feelings, but the fact they kept breaking up and getting back together means something wasn't right with the relationship.

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