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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he should say something?

19 replies

Patchworkpatty · 30/08/2022 12:16

I posted this earlier in parents of 'adult children' but got no response as I think that may be a very quiet board..

So I am donning my hard hat and entering the vipers pit.. where along with all the expected 'butt out he's an adult - let him sort it out himself' responses .. I am hoping for some sensible advice as I am genuinely torn about what to suggest for the best..

Here goes..

During DS3 (then 19) . Year off - when he couldn't travel, he got a job as a gardener /grounds man for a local family. He got on really well with the family and was soon being asked to do other odd jobs and babysitting. (
They have a couple of kids under 10) .. The family have always paid the original agreed hourly rate from when he started the gardening £15.. (Sorry for long intro but I hope it's relevant)

Just over 4weeks ago family decided to go on short notice holiday and asked Son to house sit for ten days. He agreed. Stupidly absolutely no discussion was had by them or him about paying him. He 'assumed' they would because it wasn't ' just' house sitting.. it was care of three dogs (2 of which are elderly and need medication. Plus tropical fish and 2 cats. Also a list of daily chores such as watering garden and greenhouse. Letting various trades working in the house and grounds in... He was pretty tied to the place. ...

However... it's a really lovely place. A pool a tennis court and all mod cons. Owners told him to invite friends over who could stay if they liked. He did this and had a really fun 10 days but a lot of responsibility also.

Three weeks since they came home. Bought him a present and thanked him for caring for their animals and home . That's it... no money has been mentioned . At the very least he would normally have been gardening for them part time at £90 per week but wasn't asked to do this. Only 'house sit' .

How does he approach this. One healthy dog alone being 'visited' for walks is £20 per day around here.. let alone medication etc. A professional house sitter would have charged over £500.

What would the MN massive advise ?
Say nothing keep this relationship going as they/we are v rural and a well paid uni holiday job (they want him every holiday) is worth more in long term. ?

Mention that you haven't been paid for house sitting yet. ? and if asked how much suggest what ? £200 ?reflecting the fact that it was also fun for a 20 year old to play lord or the manor for 10 days or ask for a realistic price for the work done.

3 dogs walked 3 x a day
Medication
Fed twice.
Petted and played with.

Cats fed twice a day.
Fish fed

Builders let in at 8. 4 days. Asked to remain in the house while they were there.
Washed and hung out all bed linen. (5 bedrooms)
Garden/greenhouse watered every evening. This is a LOT of work and takes nearly 2 hours due to hosepipe ban.

YaBU = He had a 'free holiday' in a lovely place - despite the responsibilities'

YANBU - To advise him to approach employer as they have taken advantage and had a massive saving on Kennels/Cattery/House sitter ?

OP posts:
SavoirFlair · 30/08/2022 12:18

Forget the perceived “saving” this home owner had. It’s not about reconstitution of what’s fair considering they have the means to pay.

It’s a life lesson to you and your DS to always agree verbally at least the rate for things when an extraordinary request comes from a client.

SavoirFlair · 30/08/2022 12:19

So no - in short I can’t vote YABU or YANBU because I think you’ve limited the options - I have a third response which is
YANBU to feel a sting at this situation, they seem cheeky etc not to offer to pay, BUT it’s going to sour the whole relationship if he goes back and tries to claw back costs somehow

so I think chalk this one up to they thought giving him the run of the house, and him accepting, was the agreement.

Valid8me · 30/08/2022 12:20

I think he will have to suck this one up unfortunately, it is a bit late to mention anything now. He needs to speak up next time though otherwise they will just assume he will do it for free again!

10HailMarys · 30/08/2022 12:22

It's a bit late to ask them after the event. Personally, I think they should have paid him - but he shouldn't have assumed in the first place that they were going to. He should have had a conversation with them about it and agreed a sum.

He can't just present them with a bill they had no idea they were going to get and didn't agree to.

If they ask him again, he needs to say 'I can do it, but I would need to ask you pay me this time as although it's obviously a nice place to stay, it does mean I can't really do paid work for other people while I'm here, so I would be losing out.'

edwinbear · 30/08/2022 12:22

I think he needs to write this one off as a lesson learnt in negotiating. It will pay it's own dues in the long run.

KosherDill · 30/08/2022 12:22

SavoirFlair · 30/08/2022 12:19

So no - in short I can’t vote YABU or YANBU because I think you’ve limited the options - I have a third response which is
YANBU to feel a sting at this situation, they seem cheeky etc not to offer to pay, BUT it’s going to sour the whole relationship if he goes back and tries to claw back costs somehow

so I think chalk this one up to they thought giving him the run of the house, and him accepting, was the agreement.

Agree. He should be paid but play the long game here. Lesson learned.

Can he raise his hourly rate going forward?

pinkyredrose · 30/08/2022 12:23

He should've cleared it at the time. They probably thought it was a holiday for him and they were very generous allowing him to have friends who they didn't know to stay.

AverageJoan · 30/08/2022 12:25

I also think it's a bit late to ask about money now and would write it off as a lesson to ask and clarify prior to committing

KettrickenSmiled · 30/08/2022 12:28

He shouldn't compromise the ongoing relationship & opportunity to keep earning a nice hourly rate in future.

There's no point in raising the subject because its now too late, too awkward, & will compromise the good working relationship they previously held. The family are likely to construe the time DS spent as theirs as a free holiday for him - they paid him the compliment of giving him carte blanche to have friends over - that is a pretty big deal. How much time & money would DS & his mates have to be at leisure on a swanky place otherwise?

DS is young & this is a valuable lesson in professionalism. The mistake hasn't cost him anything but time, & in future, he will certainly remember to pipe up & discuss terms, ahead of any agreement.

Quartz2208 · 30/08/2022 12:29

So he assumed he would be paid. They assumed because they gave him free run of the house and said he could have friends round that he wouldnt

I would invoice them for the gardening work whilst he was there (if that is what he would normally be doing over the 10 days) and write the rest of as a reminder to get this sorted before hand

Hidingawaytoday · 30/08/2022 12:32

It's a tough one - they're being unreasonable by not paying him something and he isn't being unreasonable being annoyed they haven't. But, I do agree with PP's that it's a bit late now and for the sake keeping a good relationship he should suck it up and learn for next time.

Why did he wash their bedding though? Unless his friends were sleeping in it? I'd have thought tidying/cleaning up after himself and looking after the animals/watering the plants was all he should do?

Sunnyqueen · 30/08/2022 12:50

They've massively taken the piss, clearly they could afford to pay him properly. But its just a bit late now to sort it, he might just have to take it as a lesson learnt and appreciate the fun times he had with mates there.

AnotherAnxiousMess · 30/08/2022 12:56

What was the thank you present they got him?
It's a difficult one... There's actually a site for house and pet sitters where people get to stay at a nice house and the owner gets someone to care for their pets whilst they're away... so maybe they just assumed it was something he would do for free. Especially allowing him friends over too, that was quite a generous offer. But a lot of work for one person. I'd just leave it this time, but if they ask again, ask for some sort of payment beforehand.

Original poster
Patchworkpatty · 30/08/2022 13:43

Thank you for all your responses.

It is me that feels DS was slightly taken advantage of.. he is mortified at the idea of mentioning anything now but also worried about money as he is going into a house share this year where the bills are going to be much higher for everyone - with no maintenance loan increase. Feels he was a fool to miss earning for ten days. He had simply hoped they would realise that he had done them a huge favour to agree to this and recompensed him somewhere between the going rate ... (house sitter for this level of responsibility and tie to the home would have been a minimum of £500 .) but discounted due to their good relationship and the enjoyment he would get from such an opportunity... around £200.. but accepts it is a lesson learned..

OP posts:
Original poster
Patchworkpatty · 30/08/2022 13:45

AnotherAnxiousMess · 30/08/2022 12:56

What was the thank you present they got him?
It's a difficult one... There's actually a site for house and pet sitters where people get to stay at a nice house and the owner gets someone to care for their pets whilst they're away... so maybe they just assumed it was something he would do for free. Especially allowing him friends over too, that was quite a generous offer. But a lot of work for one person. I'd just leave it this time, but if they ask again, ask for some sort of payment beforehand.

The present was a really lovely Turkish mat/wall hanging for his room at Uni.

OP posts:
Creepymanonagoatfarm · 30/08/2022 13:46

He can ask for a fantastic reference to take to any other job opportunities...

FriendOfDorothyGale · 30/08/2022 13:51

You mentioned one of the chores was washing and hanging out bed linen, but I assume he done this as his mates were staying? Surely they did not expect this of him.

He should have agrees first, and it's a life lesson.

DowntonCrabby · 30/08/2022 13:54

I think it’s a lesson learned at a young enough age to hopefully make him approach a discussion if it happened again.

I don’t think anyone is BU in this situation, just a lack of communication.

Original poster
Patchworkpatty · 30/08/2022 13:55

Hidingawaytoday · 30/08/2022 12:32

It's a tough one - they're being unreasonable by not paying him something and he isn't being unreasonable being annoyed they haven't. But, I do agree with PP's that it's a bit late now and for the sake keeping a good relationship he should suck it up and learn for next time.

Why did he wash their bedding though? Unless his friends were sleeping in it? I'd have thought tidying/cleaning up after himself and looking after the animals/watering the plants was all he should do?

I think this is why I feel it was a touch of CF.. If it were more 'would you like to come and stay while we are away ? Need you to look after the menagerie but welcome to have mates round if you want.. then that would be one thing. However it was a bit different. I popped over to see him in one day last week and in the kitchen was a long hand written set of instructions.. beginning with..

Strip all beds, wash and dry online (try not to use the tumble drier as v expensive') this made me laugh as they have a pool . Which must cost £100s to heat !!

Please make up all beds with fresh sheets day we are due back.

Instructions for dog care/cat care and gardens. as well as making sure he was around when 'trades' were at the house.

However. It is done. They are otherwise nice people and the job suits him and very convenient. So long term view taken and lesson learned not to be so 'bloody English' about discussing terms in future.

OP posts:
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