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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Personal space out walking

26 replies

HiggidyPiggedy · 30/08/2022 10:35

Fully prepared to be told IABU as I have a migraine coming on and very stressed with work right now so feeling quite fraught and tearful, but AIBU to have felt tense and annoyed at these people?

Out walking the dog early this morning, I just wanted some peace and quiet and some time to myself. Was walking along a long straight path and about 100m ahead was a woman with a dog which was sniffing. She watched me walk towards them. As I walked past she started walking too, so we were walking side by side. I slowed right down then stopped to let my dog sniff and let her pull ahead but she stopped too. I said "sorry! you go ahead" with a smile. She carried on walking but dawdling badly so I ended up over taking her. She then proceeded to walk about 2m behind me the whole length of the path.

Eventually turned off and went into the park and turned to walk round the edge. A man with a playful lab deliberately changed course and came over to let the dogs play. I let them play for a few mins then said "right, we must be going" and walked on. Man then followed about 10 paces behind me the whole way round, even when I changed direction. This is a huge park with plenty of room for everyone, why did he have to walk so bloody close?!

I came back from my walk feeling annoyed and tense instead of refreshed and relaxed. Am I just being grumpy or would this annoy most people?

OP posts:

alrightfella · 30/08/2022 10:37

I would have stopped and played about on my phone for a few minutes to let them go past me then got on with my day.

heartchakra · 30/08/2022 10:40

Yeah irritating .. I use my phone as a prop on just such occasions when I want a solitary/reflective walk. Precludes all unwanted convos/interactions with others ...

nevernevermind · 30/08/2022 10:45

I get irritated by this too. Especially when someone makes a show of overtaking only to walk really slowly, or neck and neck with you. Sometimes you just have to wait for a while to give them a head start (or feign a coughing fit to keep people at bay...)

I usually get more annoyed when I'm under strain though, maybe you need to find your relaxation elsewhere if this time meant for you to recharge is starting to get to you

RaRaRaspoutine · 30/08/2022 10:59

ARGH! I used to get this when jogging in a local park. ALWAYS someone would tail me!! There wasn't just one loop either, there were intermingling paths. One girl was panting RIGHT behind me, really I should have just bent down suddenly to tie my lace or something and she would have collided with my arse.

I also find it when out and about now (live near forest land) - people pass sooooo close to me. It's like they've been starved for touch or something!! And don't get me started on queuing when someone is literally touching you/your bag when standing behind you! I have long hair which gets tossed "accidentally" and they tend to back off. These people are presumably also tailgating drivers...

Emmelina · 30/08/2022 11:02

I have a set of over-ear headphones for dog walking! Usually I play a podcast, but even if I don’t have anything playing it sends a clear message.
They’re also great for walking through town centres when charities are trying to flag you down and get you to sign up to donate.

Original poster

HiggidyPiggedy · 30/08/2022 11:04

That's what I was doing when I stopped, was letting my dog have a sniff and looking at my phone, but she stopped too so I thought I'd just get past her then she proceeded to follow me! Would love to know what goes through these people's minds!

I was also in Boots at the weekend and someone stood so close behind me they actually stood on the back of my sandal. I turned round and they were about 2 inches from my face. No apology or anything!

OP posts:

WaveyHair · 30/08/2022 11:12

HiggidyPiggedy · 30/08/2022 11:04

I was also in Boots at the weekend and someone stood so close behind me they actually stood on the back of my sandal. I turned round and they were about 2 inches from my face. No apology or anything!

Should have started coughing, or pretended to sneeze, that would have made them back up a bit.

But yes it is annoying when people cannot find their own space and invade yours. I usually find it is because they want to chat and fail to read (or ignore) the not interested signals.

Dougieowner · 30/08/2022 11:14

Where we now live and in our previous place, 99% of dog walkers are happy to chat, let the dogs interact with each other etc. It is as much a social event for us as the dog.
Also there is no way I could hurry our dog if he was having a good sniff, you just have to stand there and let him get on with it (it is HIS walk after all). That said, as soon as another dog comes along he forgets sniffing and will then walk with the other dog (until something else sniffworthy in is found when he stops again).
We normally spot the people who want to be alone or not let the dog interact. They cross the road, pull the dog onto a short lead, stand at the side of the path etc. We take the hint and usually just steer ours along or if he is being too keen, pick him up and carry him a short way (glad he isn't a Lab!).

DelurkingLawyer · 30/08/2022 11:22

I’ve noticed this and I hate it. I assume it is the same mentality that leads someone to park right next to your car in an empty car park - wanting to be close to another human. I have also had it in shops - you are browsing and suddenly you have a shadow who stands next to you looking at the same things. You move to another shelf and they go with you. Retrace your steps to an earlier display and they patter after you. There’s no doubt after a while that they are tailing you, but I don’t think they are always fully conscious of what they are doing.

I always step aside or stop until they move away. I once did this while out for a walk and the woman who was no more than a metre behind me and who had been following me as I weaved across the pavement to try and shake her, said “no it’s all right you can walk on”.

I said “no, I don’t want you walking right behind me” and she looked amazed!

SmugglersHaunt · 30/08/2022 11:27

I'm completely with you on this OP. I don't understand why people have to get so close. On a train platform they'll come and stand right next to me, or in the library will take the next seat to me despite the place being nearly empty. I hate it! May start googling how to buy a lighthouse

Gensola · 30/08/2022 11:27

People seem to do this in queues too - I was in the train station and queuing for coffee at the kiosk and this guy and his girlfriend stood so close behind me I could feel their body heat, I moved forward and they moved forward until I was rammed up against the counter so I stood aside and they stood right up at the counter, but I was still being served so I had to teach across them to pay!

RestingMurderousFace · 30/08/2022 11:30

I hate this too. Sometimes we go on the local golf course at 6am, still get random sods drifting close by. Is 100 acres not enough FFS!

gatehouseoffleet · 30/08/2022 11:31

I don't like people walking just behind me, it doesn't happen when I am out on my own because I walk so fast but I find it happens a lot when I am out with DH and it's quite unnerving having someone right behind you.

On the other hand some people seem to need sooooo much space. You're walking along a path that is generously wide and they still stop and let you by. I don't know if it's a hangover from covid, or they don't have any spatial awareness.

gatehouseoffleet · 30/08/2022 11:33

On a train platform they'll come and stand right next to me

is that because you know where the doors open? Or they think you do? I always think they are trying to intimidate me into moving out of the way when they do that so they get into the train first, and try to spread myself as wide as possible. But it hasn't really happened since covid as there are plenty of seats on the trains.

catandcoffee · 30/08/2022 11:34

Maybe the people who do this can explain it to us.... there's got to be some on MN.

I'm with you OP

Goldenbear · 30/08/2022 11:40

I hate this and the parking one.

The parking one is annoying in the same way- I sometimes prefer to sit in my car and listen to radio 4 news for lunch than be in the work kitchen and inevitably will get someone pull up right next to me when I have deliberately parked in an empty corner of the car park.

Janey3090 · 30/08/2022 12:00

HiggidyPiggedy · 30/08/2022 11:04

I was also in Boots at the weekend and someone stood so close behind me they actually stood on the back of my sandal. I turned round and they were about 2 inches from my face. No apology or anything!

If someone stands close behind me I either start coughing loudly (which usually makes them back away) or take a step back, usually right into them! It irritates me so much!

Ponoka7 · 30/08/2022 12:13

Unfortunately people get dogs so they can chat to people. it sounds like you've met two of them today. It's how dog walking groups start. I think people have missed closeness over the last few years and it's making them not respect boundaries.

ShesNotTheMessiah · 30/08/2022 12:15

I walk in muddy fields for just this reason.

In fact, my life's mission appears to be finding all the unknown and quiet pblic rights of way in my area.

SunnyD44 · 30/08/2022 12:18

YANBU when I’m out dog walking it’s a bit different as you need to be more sociable with a dog but I get what you’re saying.

I hate when this happens when you’re walking as you try and slow down and speed up and they don’t get the hint.
You end up power walking so fast that you almost pass out.

I remember being at event on a field.
We were really early as we had to get public transport so we sat down on the grass and waited for a while.
Then a couple came into the empty field and sat down so close to us the women actually sat on my dress and I had to ask her to get off it but instead of scooting away she just lifted her bum and pulled my dress away.
They were actually lovely but it was a 4+ acre empty field!!

Work2live · 30/08/2022 12:28

Omg I despise this and it happens so often!

I was walking the dog yesterday and we came up behind a man walking a dog who was walking really slowly. We walked past quite quickly, the man then immediately upped his pace and him and his dog walked exactly 2m behind us for about 15 minutes, also on a route with multiple paths.

Such bizarre behaviour, I love peace and quiet on my walks, some people seem to love nothing more than walking within touching distance of someone else.

Original poster

HiggidyPiggedy · 30/08/2022 12:38

I'm glad it's not just me that hates this! I do let my dog have a good play when we are at the park, we see a lot of his regular chums so he gets a good run around then. This is just on the walk there/back. Normally I am quite sociable and happy to chat but today I just wanted to be as far away from humans as possible and these 2 really spoilt the start of my day.

I also regularly meet a woman who makes a big show of 'pulling in' to a driveway to let me walk pass on the pavement when there is more than enough room for both of us. She does it when I'm miles away too so I then feel awkward walking towards her for a good minute!

There's nowt so strange as folk.

OP posts:

Blossomtoes · 30/08/2022 12:44

ShesNotTheMessiah · 30/08/2022 12:15

I walk in muddy fields for just this reason.

In fact, my life's mission appears to be finding all the unknown and quiet pblic rights of way in my area.

Where are you finding muddy fields currently? Ours are all dust.

ShesNotTheMessiah · 30/08/2022 12:56

I meant more generally

That said, here in the midlands we've had a bit of rain lately and I've started to have to dry dog paws off again when we come home. So things must be dampening up!

balalake · 30/08/2022 13:17

I will cross over a road to avoid being the follower or indeed being followed if it a practical option. YANBU to feel how you are, especially the second time.

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