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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

It’s just gone 9, and I’ve had enough of my toddler

20 replies

Nearlyautumn · 30/08/2022 09:07

Have to type this quickly before he comes over to me wailing (again.)

Having such a hard morning. I’m really feeling a bit disconnected from him because his behaviour is just horrible. He hits, he pinches and kicks. He screams, he whines. Then there’s some stuff which I know is normal, like trying to help me with the housework but turning things off and bringing me clean dry clothes to put in the drier but if I stop him or try to redirect him he throws tantrums.

I really just wish I could hand him over to someone else for 24 hours.

OP posts:

Original poster

Nearlyautumn · 30/08/2022 09:07

Sorry … I forgot about the poll.

OP posts:

MuggleMe · 30/08/2022 09:11

Stick him in the bath, or put the TV on. It's a nightmare and I sympathise massively.

Cavvies · 30/08/2022 09:13

God don’t put a toddler in the bath unsupervised no matter how annoying he’s being!!!

but agree to popping him in front of the tv

Original poster

Nearlyautumn · 30/08/2022 09:15

He’s not really interested in TV, unfortunately!

OP posts:

Muchtoomuchtodo · 30/08/2022 09:15

Can you get out of the house?

a change of environment is likely to help. Go to the park or the beach for a bit. Take a drink and a snack.

I had to get out of the house daily when mine were young, I wouldn’t have coped otherwise.

Hugasauras · 30/08/2022 09:17

Up and out! Nothing worse than being in the house on days like this I find. Sometimes just being out is like a reset button. Go get a hot chocolate from somewhere and go to the park or something.

Numbat2022 · 30/08/2022 09:18

People who can do housework with toddlers around are made of stronger stuff than me. I leave it all until mine is in childcare or asleep.

Can you go out for the day? It's a nice fresh, sunny day in the south at least - take him for a run around a NT property or local big park?

RonObvious · 30/08/2022 09:18

I remember those days well. And by 9am, I could have already had 4 or 5 hours of it. Lunch by 10.30 - fun times. Mine also wasn't a fan of TV or films, but she would watch the Gigglebellies on YouTube (complete lifesaver!), which would give me a few minutes respite. No advice, just solidarity! She's awesome now, so things will get better (I know that doesn't help today).

Ostryga · 30/08/2022 09:20

Sometimes getting out of the house made Dd worse and meant I had to deal with tantrums and other people judging. Such fun!

I used to stick Dd in an empty bath with an old towel on the bottom with tons of washable paint squirted up the sides for her to smush around and that would keep her happy for about half an hour. I’d sit on the floor of the bathroom keeping an eye and have a coffee and just reset.

I would honestly look into nursery/childminder for a couple of days a week if you can afford it. It gives you a break and don’t feel any shame in that. Toddlers are hard bloody work and I don’t miss those days one bit!

Original poster

Nearlyautumn · 30/08/2022 09:26

We do go out of the house, but we have to be somewhere at 10, and going to the park first Would evoke a tantrum.

plus surely to god I should be able to spend three hours at home without feeling I hate my own child?

and yes as pp said you then have to deal with tantrums out
of the house.

OP posts:

Original poster

Nearlyautumn · 30/08/2022 09:26

He does go to nursery but I don’t know, sometimes the break makes it worse.

OP posts:

RaRaRaspoutine · 30/08/2022 09:53

Of course YANBU. Toddlers are tyrants!! My hat goes off to any parent of toddlers, it's like wrangling a tiny maniac.

Navigatingnewwaters · 30/08/2022 09:53

Cavvies · 30/08/2022 09:13

God don’t put a toddler in the bath unsupervised no matter how annoying he’s being!!!

but agree to popping him in front of the tv

Where do they say unsupervised?

Navigatingnewwaters · 30/08/2022 09:56

Toddlers can be a nightmare, I second the bath (SUPERVISED) Loads of toys and they can have a splash about whilst you sit on the toilet and cry 😅 or read a magazine. It will get better you are just in the thick of it at the moment, yanbu.

Sillystripytail · 30/08/2022 09:57

God, I know, it's so hard. I was barely even awake this morning before my 3 year old was screaming in a tantrum. Every little thing upsets him and it's like walking on eggshells. He's been like it for a while so I've learnt how to not upset so much but that just feels like giving in to his tantrums all the time but it's just too much.

You're not alone.❤️

LindsayStauffer · 30/08/2022 09:57

You sound totally burnt out OP. Is every day like this or just some of the days? I've had these days when DS is going through a really tricky patch, by 10am I'm clutching my head drinking espresso while he pulls at my trousers for me to carry him while I walk around the house (after three hours of closeness). But mostly lovely days where it's a delight. I notice on the days where I start to feel really wound up it's usually because it's been a streak of days solo alone with him and I'm just feeling really touched out. I don't think we're 'supposed' to be on our own with toddlers for days on end, they're very energetic people!

It's okay to feel like this. It's okay to feel disconnected sometimes. We are close but occasionally have a day where we're just at cross purposes, everything he wants to do I don't and vice versa, I joke at the end of the day that toddlers and parents are natures natural adversaries. So many conflicting goals! The fact you get up each day and show up and parent and meet his needs shows you're a good parent and these difficult periods will pass.

If tantrums are an issue I got a lot of amazing advice free from the Big Little Feelings page on insta/fb, just about how to deal with tantrums. I embrace them now, I know it's not my job to fix them, we tolerate feelings and don't tolerate certain behaviours (it's okay to be upset or angry, it's not okay to kick or hit), I don't fear them so I parent confidently for example when it's time to leave the park after a short warning we go, because I know that if he has a tantrum it's okay, it's just a sign he's being a healthy toddler. It was just really helpful. Try not to let fear of public tantrums stop you from leaving the house, they're normal and health and 90% of people either don't care or are looking with sympathy remembering the times when they went through the same! Sending love and solidarity. Toddlers are sent to test us and it sounds like he's doing a good job of that, but at the end of the day he loves you and needs you and you're doing your very best.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/08/2022 10:15

Cavvies · 30/08/2022 09:13

God don’t put a toddler in the bath unsupervised no matter how annoying he’s being!!!

but agree to popping him in front of the tv

I'd just sit against the doorway. It was close enough - six inches - that I'd be able to fish her out if she slipped and far enough away that I didn't get covered in water or hit by a flying teapot.

TwinMama88 · 30/08/2022 10:32

I feel you.
I've got toddler twins and omg they can be absolutely feral some days.
I sit there thinking, where did I go wrong? What did I do that's made them behave like this?
It's absolutely exhausting and mentally draining.
They spend 2 afternoons a week in childcare but then I use that time dashing around like a freak trying to get all my housework/shopping/ect done because it's the only chance I get.

MuggleMe · 30/08/2022 10:37

To clarify at no point was I suggesting leaving him in the bath unaccompanied!!!!

oceanbleu · 30/08/2022 10:40

I've been feeling like this too. So my sympathies. It's brutal. But yesterday we did have the paddling pool out and DC played in there for a few hours. Made a huge mess but it was worth it for the few hours respite from the constant whingeing. I also feel bad but I do stick on the tv more than I would like to lately when it's gotten particularly difficult. Can anyone take DC for a few hours for you?

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