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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Fed up with MIL

19 replies

fedio · 29/08/2022 23:50

I've posted before but name changing incase SIL is on here.

I'm in an LDR, my partner is moving to me next month (he's moving as I have kids so I can't move), been with him 2 years and getting married in the next few months

I fell pregnant (planned), MIL told OH to get a DNA test as the dates didn't add up. She then told me what she'd said because (in her words) she knew OH would. She was all like "I'm sure you can understand why I asked for a DNA" (er no hun I can't)

I sadly lost the baby.

She told OH unless she sees paperwork to prove I was pregnant and lost it that she would always think I was lying.

She didn't ever ask me how I was. She didn't speak to me at all.

OH cut her off pretty much but went to see her last week, he told her he's moving here and she played victim, saying why is she the bad guy... tried to manipulate him by saying she missed my kids (she's met them twice!) and been thinking about them etc.

She sent me a very bitter apology, you'd have to read it to see how ridiculous and reluctant it was. She told OH she would apologise and that she'd been trying to keep the peace because she didn't want him to move away from her or get hurt by me

I responded that I felt it wasn't acceptable given what she's done (and listed it). I reassured her I wasn't going to hurt or take advantage of OH. I think my reply was quite pleasant.

She told OH she doesn't like me and if she talks to me again she'll end up saying horrible stuff so she's going to leave it there. She refuses to acknowledge how she said I was lying about the baby.

She acts like I'm annoyed she asked for a DNA. That's bad enough but I'm hurt by the accusation.

She previously manipulated my 13yo by asking her if she wanted OH to move or if it would be more fun if we moved closer to her, my kid politely said "I don't know" and MIL said "oh I think it's mucy better if you move" type stuff...

Anyway I don't want her at the wedding or around me and my kids.

AIBU?

OP posts:
boredsolicitor · 30/08/2022 00:02

omg no you are definitely not being unreasonable- what a nasty thing to do. she sounds vile !

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 30/08/2022 00:06

YANBU. Please remember you and your kids don't need this man. Don't put them through the hell and drama she will bring to your lives.

If he wavers at all dump him. And honestly I would rethink TTC if he even mentions her coming to the wedding.

maddening · 30/08/2022 00:08

Yanbu at all! What does dfiance say?

Aquamarine1029 · 30/08/2022 00:11

Have you written about this woman before? Her talking to your kids over the phone?

toomuchlaundry · 30/08/2022 00:12

Why would you plan to have a baby with someone you didn’t actually live with at the time?

MIL doesn’t sound great.

Shinyandnew1 · 30/08/2022 00:12

Have you posted about this before? Is he in the US?

Aquamarine1029 · 30/08/2022 00:20

Why would you plan to have a baby with someone you didn’t actually live with at the time?

Good question. It's a terrible idea.

Tigerbus · 30/08/2022 00:28

So sorry that you lost your baby. Truly awful situation to go through and then for someone to imply that you were lying - like your baby's life didn't matter?!
Vile.

Yanbu to not want her at your wedding and in order to protect your children from her poison, go nc.

The only issue is that your fiance is her child. She grew him, she loved him and he should very much consider how he can love you both without the least amount of upset.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 30/08/2022 00:30

After just finishing watching series 3 of I Love a Mama's Boy, proceed with caution. If you continue with him this will be your life.

Mythril · 30/08/2022 00:32

Please remember you and your kids don't need this man. Don't put them through the hell and drama she will bring to your lives.

Very much this. You are still in the stage were you can easily walk away.

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 30/08/2022 00:32

Tigerbus · 30/08/2022 00:28

So sorry that you lost your baby. Truly awful situation to go through and then for someone to imply that you were lying - like your baby's life didn't matter?!
Vile.

Yanbu to not want her at your wedding and in order to protect your children from her poison, go nc.

The only issue is that your fiance is her child. She grew him, she loved him and he should very much consider how he can love you both without the least amount of upset.

He can love her and understand that she need to be cut off because of her actions. Or he needs to accept that the Baggage he brings to the relationship is to poisonous and he needs to accept he needs to stay single and not inflict that bitch on others

Josette77 · 30/08/2022 00:43

I think this all sounds insane. You have only been dating LD for two years and never lived together. You already have kids but are trying to concieve. I think she sounds vile but I kind of get her concern.
I think you need to step back and focus just on your kids.

CJsGoldfish · 30/08/2022 00:57

Planning a baby with a LD 'partner' when you haven't even lived together? Hard to get past that tbh. And marrying someone you've only been with LD? What does 2 yrs together long distance equate to in 'real time' I wonder?

Add in a MIL that you just are never going to get along with and you have a recipe for disaster. Don't do that to your children OP. Slow things down.

Bananarama21 · 30/08/2022 01:04

This has a disaster written all over it tbh op.

SheilaWilcox · 30/08/2022 01:13

Currently unhappily married, but if I ever thought about getting married again, I would 100% include how I got on with my other half's parents in my decision making.
They have such influence in your life, even if they don't get along.

I'd put off him moving in with you and definitely put the wedding on hold.

JubileeTissues · 30/08/2022 10:42

Doesn't sound like a situation I'd like to put on my children tbh.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/08/2022 10:49

Is this the guy in America?

fedio · 30/08/2022 18:05

No Croydon lol, a bit different to America haha.

We lived together during lockdown but he moved for work. He's moving in with me permanently when the contract ends (September)

OP posts:
Josette77 · 31/08/2022 04:11

You have kids. You sihould not be living with someone this quick let alone earlier.

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