to insist on moving house even though my teenage dd says she doesn't want to?

[curlywurlywee]

I would really love some advice on this one as I really don't know how to handle it.

Me and my dh have been wanting to move into the next door town for years and now have the opportunity to do it. A house has come up that we can just about afford and it ticks all the boxes and we really like it. Last night, we went to view it for a 2nd time and took dd, who is 14. She had a face like a slapped arse all the way through, which was quite embarrassing because the agent kept looking at her stony faced expression.

We got home and asked her what she thought of it. She said she didn't like it (by the way it's in a nice area and is a modern 4 bed detached). She didn't want to move to this town as there are a lot of rough kids from her school living there (it's actually a very small town and I lived there about 7 years ago and loved it). She doesn't want to go on the school bus. She thinks the house is too small. Blah blah blah. I was really upset by this as this is everything I've wanted for years and now it seems ruined by her attitude.

Should I listen to her and not do it or just do it anyway?

By the way, she isn't thinking about any specific kids and she's not being bullied - she just doesn't want to do it. I've told her that she doesn't have to hang out on street corners at night with them - she can just stay away.

Yes, you're in charge

well, really, Quattro, you are.

like hippi, my dad worked abroad.

we went with him a lot.

he did this a) during the oil crash, it was work abroad or get made redundant b) to be able to afford his retirement, as the money he made was tax free.

so we went.

did we like it? not always. my sister was a teen and it did suck.

but wtf, life isn't always how you want.

my ex h was the son of a diplomat and high-ranking military officer.

they moved LOADS. including his final year of high school.

he survived and is a well-adjusted adult.

Dittany, you're prob right. She is scared of getting on the bus but does that mean we shouldn't move in your opinion? You're right, I shouldn't be angry with her but I felt hurt and upset as she knows how much this means to me. It's not like I'm asking her to leave her friends/school etc.

Once she has done the bus once or twice, it will be fine.

And if the bus really turns out to be a problem, would it be possible for her to cycle to school?
Or a drive-share with other local mums?
Or an earlier bus and join the school breakfast club (as a last resort to avoid the rough kids she fears)?

It is fair enough she is upset, but it is not fair enough you give up on a dream because of a 14 year old.

So tell her it WILL happen, but you will do everything in your power to help her settle.

Your money - your rules!

"I hate upsetting her" - you aren't; she is giving attitude because she thinks she can control the outcome. She will give attitude when she realises she can't control the outcome.

Teens give attitude for the sake of giving attitude - she isn't genuinely upset, I bet but knows what buttons to push.

You are the adult and the parent and the purse-holder. She is the child and has to do as she's told (with regards to where her address is).

Move. She is 14 and will be living the life she wants to live soon without worrying if it suits you - don't let her ruin your dreams. We moved from Sussex to Sydney last year with our three (then 13, 8 and 3). The 8 year old really didn't want to move, and I did lots of touchy feely "I understand you feel..." stuff. He still whined. In the end I said: "everybody else wants to, we are moving, get used to it" and he did. Six months later he loves being here - tell her to be grateful that you're not taking her to the other side of the world

Go for it - it's your decision to make not hers. I know of someone who found their dream house, only pulled out of the purchase becauase their 5 year old (pfb) didn't like it

I haven't read all the thread but my parents moved me when I was 14 and I was a nightmare leading up to it running away and refusing to go etc. We were moving over two hours away so a huge change of schools and everything. It was the very best thing my parents could have done for me.
Of course you have to do it. She will get used to it and might be leaving home in 4 years when she is 18 and you and your dh will be the ones left somewhere you don't want to be.
Go for it. She will come round.

We're dreading this. We need to move, our current house is too small and the boys sharing a room is becoming a real problem now. There are other issues too. I can't see us being able to afford it for a few years and by then my eldest will be a teenager and my middle child not far off. They have already made it quite clear that they don't really want to move - mates on tap, park near by, near to school etc. And I am wondering just what would convince them it would be a good thing. Probably a swimming pool and a mountain board track...

Good luck. Being a teenage girl was cr*p IME and she is probably just taking it out on her nearest and dearest. As the others have said unless she can come up with some good clear reasons against the move, I would go ahead but be sympathetic and do your best to encourage her.

We moved 150 miles from our old house 18 months ago with our then 14 year old. She was very concerned about what life would be like as she would be going to a new school and having to make new friends. She hasn't looked back. We did involve her as much as possible in the move and she did get to choose the colour of her room and new furniture.

If the room she is going to have has the space I would recommend getting your dd either a double bed or a sofa bed as this will make her feel very grown up.

Thanks for all your fab advice and tips on how to "sweeten the pill". I did speak to her last night in a calm way and asked her again if there was anything else going on but she just said the same thing so I think we will go for it. However, I will take more notice of her feelings and listen to her but be firm at the same time.

Teenagers are so tricky and yes, they do know what buttons to press to try and get what they want. We have a very close relationship because me and her dad split up about 9 years ago so we are a lot like friends, which makes things difficult sometimes. She is quite independent already and sees a lot of her friends, which won't change in any way. There are worse things that could happen.