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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband and SILs

7 replies

ChangedNane11 · 29/08/2022 22:12

I had a fight with husband yesterday which has spoilt our bank holiday. I just wish I never said anything but it really affects me. Some insight and advice would be really helpful. I’ll try to keep it brief but then it might be drip feeding but I’ll try to make it succinct as possible, please bear with me!

we’re Asians just for the Context. I married DH and then I was surprised as his sisters never bothered with me being the new bride. It’s expected to be invited to their homes. I never went to their homes in the early days. Also for context my kids have never been invited and eldest is 9 years old. This is all fair enough I could expect there’s no relationship HOWEVER I get accused by MIL for not mixing with the family!

When his sisters drop around to her home I’m expected to drop everything and cancel all plans and go there. I did for the first 5 years of marriage (been mailed 11 years now). They bullied me so much and picked on me every time I saw them. I have now stopped going around when they are there and have told MIL they can come to my home which is in the next street as MIL but they never come.

Husband l took the kids around yesterday as his sister decided to visit. I was a little upset and told him it upsets me they want nothing to do with me and he admitted that his mum stirs a lot but I don’t believe it’s just that. I asked him to stay home with me and not leave but he took the kids and went all evening, I’m really sad and talked to him again which erupted into arguments. I told him they don’t really care about us and wouldn’t care if they never saw us. The relationship is only alone as husband makes the effort. In the past when he suggested we go around they never respond!

I really feel anger all those years when I sat around smiling when they would openly attack me and say nasty things about me,

OP posts:
ChangedNane11 · 29/08/2022 22:13

I’m so sorry for the typos. Hope it is still readable!

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 29/08/2022 22:17

I am sorry they are unkind to you, I don't understand that one bit. What do they have against you? I'm surprised your husband doesn't have a word with them.

If you have your own life and circle of friends, try not to let it bother you too much, be independent. Might not be a bad idea to plan a move away from the family eventually, then you won't have expectations.

ChangedNane11 · 29/08/2022 22:21

@LBFseBrom what they have against me is that DH really loved me in the early days so I suppose it was jealously, the comments I always heard was he’s “under my thumb”. They’ve done their best to cause hurt in our marriage to the point we don’t sleep in same room. When I was pregnant with DD they knew it was a girl as DH Told them and every comment was nasty comments about girls, in the culture boys are favoured over girls, they wrecked my pregnancy and DH Not once stood up to them,

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 29/08/2022 22:29

Just stay NC with them - if your DH coses to visit & keep in touch, that's up to him. Agree with PP that putting more distance between you and his family woild probably be a good idea.

cstx89 · 29/08/2022 22:33

My best friends are Asian and i know its important to go all out for weddings especially for the daughter or son coming into the family. Is ur husband the only son/brother?

Strange they don't bother with ur children and it must be hard for u. The only thing I can think of is that they are jealous of u? Which isnt nice especially being on the receiving end.

However good for you standing up for urself. Im sorry they werent great hearing about ur baby being a girl - again, I know boys are treated more favourably.

Keep ur chin up and show ur daughter how she should be treated. Sending hugs!

ChangedNane11 · 29/08/2022 23:03

@cstx89 yes DH is the only son plus he’s the youngest!

OP posts:
cstx89 · 29/08/2022 23:08

ChangedNane11 · 29/08/2022 23:03

@cstx89 yes DH is the only son plus he’s the youngest!

I think the sisters will treat him like a baby and that no woman was good enough. They sound like nasty people to have done this for so long.

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