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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

FIL invite.. should DH have text?

20 replies

Littlebee1990 · 29/08/2022 19:14

FIL lives a 15 minute drive away. DH invited him over today to see us and his 15month grandson (he hasn’t seen since May). DH text this morning at 8am saying we was going out for lunch and did he want to join us or pop over when we was home. No reply. DH text again at 6.30pm to say he assumed today didn’t work and that we was putting DS to bed now. FIL has just replied saying “I’ve been sat at home waiting for you to tell me when you was home from your lunch, don’t bother me with a empty invite in future”

YABU - DH should’ve text to say you was home after lunch

YANBU - FIL is a grumpy old man

OP posts:
20viona · 29/08/2022 19:15

Father should have replied with a simple ok to show he had read it, DH could have text again I suppose. FIL is a grumpy old man 🤣

Meraas · 29/08/2022 19:16

Does FIL understand the concept of responding to invites?

RampantIvy · 29/08/2022 19:17

Did you give him specific details about what time you were going and where you were going?

It sounds like wires were crossed TBH.

DubLynn · 29/08/2022 19:17

YANBU father in law could have figured out that lunch would have been well over by about 3pm, 4 at the latest

RandomMess · 29/08/2022 19:17

FIL being objectionable your DH was still waiting for a response to his question of - are you coming for lunch with us or would you like to come around afterwards 🤷🏽‍♀️

ApolloandDaphne · 29/08/2022 19:18

Why has he not visited since May if he lives so close to you? I think your DH should have messaged to say you were back, otherwise when would he have known when you would be there? I get the feeling FIL waits to be invited and will only come if he expressly knows you will be in?

BonnesVacances · 29/08/2022 19:21

Your DH gave him a choice and your FIL didn't respond to either. A normal person would have replied "I'll pop round when you get back from lunch. Let me know when you're home." YANBU

Original poster
Littlebee1990 · 29/08/2022 19:23

I should have probably said in the text inviting to lunch we said where we was going and that we was going at 12pm and coming home straight after (it’s a local pub within walking distance of our house)

DH has seen his dad since May but it’s been of an evening at a pub or cinema etc without DS.

Was just interested in opinions as I said perhaps he should’ve told him when we was home but part of me also thinks his dad could’ve acknowledged the first message (could see it was read and not replied too)

OP posts:
justfiveminutes · 29/08/2022 19:30

Surely this is easily resolved by replying, or ringing, to ask why he didn't reply to the text asking him if he wanted to join you for lunch or come later?

Lemons1571 · 29/08/2022 19:31

Depends how savvy FIL is with corresponding by text. My (older) father is not always fluid with using text as a conversation, as it isn’t a natural method of communication that has grown with him.

Lemons1571 · 29/08/2022 19:33

My dad would’ve read (misinterpreted) that text conversation as “they’ve gone out for lunch and I’ll wait to hear from them afterwards telling me when to go over”.

girlmom21 · 29/08/2022 19:33

I'd have text to say I was home personally but the not responding was weird if he was sat waiting

Original poster
Littlebee1990 · 29/08/2022 19:35

@Lemons1571 Yeah really fair comment and I should have prob said he’s 59 and a tech wizz, he doesn’t do phone calls as he’s “too busy”.. everything is on WhatsApp.

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlebee1990 · 29/08/2022 19:36

Thanks everyone, appreciate the opinions! I’ve said to DH to just ask his dad to call him when he’s not busy and they can put it down to crossed wires and get another date in

OP posts:
Hotandbothereds · 29/08/2022 19:37

If your FIL is like my dad, he’s not a chatter on text so would’ve read it and not replied, not out of being grumpy but simply that it’s information and he doesn’t see it as a conversation.

I think despite him not replying your DH could’ve called/text when you were home when he hadn’t heard back.

Outlyingtrout · 29/08/2022 19:39

I think they've both got to wear this tbh. Neither of them really put any effort into communicating adequately enough to make what should have been a very simple plan. I think it was a bit rude to make vague plans in advance but then text (not even call) on the day to say that actually you're going out for lunch. I know you invited him but you kind of unilaterally decided that was the new plan. A quick phone call in the run-up or this morning by either of them would have prevented this. Seems like neither of them were that arsed about seeing each other.

BlueKaftan · 29/08/2022 21:22

Were

FrankLampardsBrokenHand · 29/08/2022 21:30

I'd find it odd if someone invited me round and then they text saying they were going out so I think that was perhaps a bit off.

If I were going out I'd say to someone I'd be home from x time.

So on that basis YABU.

justfiveminutes · 29/08/2022 21:38

FrankLampardsBrokenHand · 29/08/2022 21:30

I'd find it odd if someone invited me round and then they text saying they were going out so I think that was perhaps a bit off.

If I were going out I'd say to someone I'd be home from x time.

So on that basis YABU.

I feel like they did that. They asked him if he wanted to join them for lunch or come over when they got back. He's rude for not replying and even ruder for sending the awful eventual response. It's clearly a misunderstanding but primarily down to his inability to reply.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 29/08/2022 22:02

texted ?

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