Be distraught by toddler's rejection of das

Beamur · 29/08/2022 18:39

My poor DH had this for years...
But only if I was actually around, so if it was just the two of them, they got on just fine. Take yourself out of the picture so they spend time together sometimes and this will help your partner feel more appreciated.
It did pass with us and it will do with you.

roarfeckingroarr · 29/08/2022 18:46

My 22 mo does this sometimes, in fact last week he wouldn't even look at his dad. We worked out that he wasn't very well, which means he only wants mummy.

It's hard though, especially when the father in question is a loving and hands on one.

BuffaloCauliflower · 29/08/2022 18:48

My 21 month old is also going through a super mummy stage, and DH is a brilliant hands on dad. I think it’s just this stage. Also 5 months pregnant and a bit nervous of if this lasts until baby is here (or after!) but we’ve just stopped breastfeeding so I think he’s processing that, and also they do just have mummy periods I think

Forgotthebins · 29/08/2022 19:14

Baby may be feeling some separation anxieties because she might know there is a new baby in your tummy but not understand really what it means. After new baby is born, Dad might become her everything because in her little mind you become preoccupied with the new baby. You sound like a very loving family and she might just be pinging about a bit trying to work things out, but you can both carry on just giving her that rock solid security and all will be well with all four of you.

positivity123 · 29/08/2022 19:20

We had this. It was really really hard and my DH was brilliant at not taking it personally.

If your child can reject affection it's actually a positive sign that they feel emotionally secure so don't need cuddles off everyone. I agree to try and get out the picture as they'll be fine the two of them. Get your DH to take her swimming or something energetic and fun. Also don't make it a big deal or the narrative of your household. Our daughter came through it about 2montgs after her second birthday and is much more equal now.

Goldbar · 29/08/2022 19:33

It's a stage. Tell your DH to play hard to get.... if he sits down on the floor with some duplo or blocks and plays happily and noisily by himself, she won't be able to resist coming over to see what the fun is.

NorthernPud · 29/08/2022 19:34

My DS was the same. We have dozens of photos of him from ages 1-3 sitting on his dad's lap crying. It passes

Original poster

EllaWt · 29/08/2022 19:45

Unfortunately she's the same even when I am not here ! They went to the zoo without me this morning she would hold my friend's hand and jump into her husband's arms but want nothing to do with her dad :(

OP posts:

MolliciousIntent · 29/08/2022 19:46

He needs to prioritize spending dedicated 1 on 1 time with her every single day for a good few hours.

chillipenguin · 29/08/2022 19:46

Normal I think. Key is not to always let the preferred parent be the one who does the thing they want. So if they want you to read a book, no daddy's turn tonight.

Porcupineintherough · 29/08/2022 19:53

MolliciousIntent · 29/08/2022 19:46

He needs to prioritize spending dedicated 1 on 1 time with her every single day for a good few hours.

Might be tricky if he has to work.

It's a phase. If he could manage an hour of 1 on 1 time with her each day that might help but she will grow out of it.

suzyscat · 29/08/2022 19:54

Does anyone remember the baby Sinclair from dinosaurs? "Not the mama" it's so true! But thankfully just a phase.

Whitewolf2 · 29/08/2022 20:01

Agree it’s a phase, but it can last a long time! My 4 year old can still be fussy about daddy doing things…but is so much better one on one. It can be a way of controlling life when little ones have very little control - mummy do it etc, it’s hard not to take personally though!

Slopey · 29/08/2022 20:02

DH powered through this stage and took to doing bedtimes and trips out, just the 2 of them, whether DD liked it or not. It was hard work but it passed.

He has been the main bedtime parent for far longer than she can remember, and carried on reading with her until she was 14. You will be OK, he just needs to keep thinking positive and be patient. I don't think you can do much except stay out of the way a bit.

Notanotherwindow · 29/08/2022 20:09

They do go through stages of wanting one parent more than the other. I'm super auntie at the moment, literally hanging off me, howling when I leave. Mummy is public enemy number 1. A couple of months earlier they wanted nothing to do with me. Changeable little twats, toddlers.

Flamingooooooooooooooo · 29/08/2022 20:10

EllaWt · 29/08/2022 18:36

Hello
Our 21 months old daughter is being a nightmare with her dad. She just outright rejects him and everything he does and strongly prefers me. Her dad is the best he takes amazing care of her and he is a hands-on dad so it's really breaking my heart because I can see he'a hurting.
Has anyone gone through that? Is there anything I can do?
I should say i am 7 months pregnant with baby number 2 but this is distressing me greatly

Exactly what happened here.

Flamingooooooooooooooo · 29/08/2022 20:11

Beamur · 29/08/2022 18:39

My poor DH had this for years...
But only if I was actually around, so if it was just the two of them, they got on just fine. Take yourself out of the picture so they spend time together sometimes and this will help your partner feel more appreciated.
It did pass with us and it will do with you.

Oops sorry, I meant to quote this one. THIS is exactly what happened here! If I was out the way, she'd soon perk up and be happy. Around the same age too.

Mariposista · 29/08/2022 20:17

this only happened for a short time at bedtime (otherwise not an issue) but we nipped it in the bud straight away. DH took over bedtime and no amount if crying and screaming got mummy’s attention. She learned after 3 days. All fine now.

SpringRainbow · 29/08/2022 20:18

Yeah this is a very common phase. It will end and along will come the next ‘thing’.

Toddlers are very fussy but very unpredictable. Just when you think you have them sussed the rules suddenly change.

Simonjt · 29/08/2022 20:24

Yep I had this, I was a lone parent as well, so there wasn’t a second parent. Like any stage it will pass, you just have to ride it out and not take it personally.

AliceW89 · 29/08/2022 20:29

Really normal, sorry. DS is the same. He’s 2.4 now and has had a strong preference for me over DH for at least 6 months. As PPs have said, if I’m not there, DS and DH are fine…but if we are both there he’ll want me to do everything. I bet it’ll switch when your DC2 is here and you are otherwise occupied.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/08/2022 20:30

Dd was the same even up to age 7 or so. She now spends a lot of time with dh. If she wants looking after, she’d still rather me. Shes 14. Don’t feel guilty. It’s completely normal and will right itself.

YourLipsMyLipsApocalypse · 29/08/2022 20:32

Totally normal - I used to hand DD over to DH and go and do something in a different room or go out. It passed, like everything.

Don't dramatise it with 'heartbreak' or whatever, it's a really normal phase.

Quail15 · 29/08/2022 20:46

My 18 month old is a mummy's boy - he will reject everyone else it I'm in the house. If I'm at work it's tough and he has to put up with DH or my mum - he isn't happy about it (and often shouts for me when I'm not there ) but he manages.

My 3 year old went through this stage for a while but after a few months she was fine. When my youngest was born she didn't want to know me and she now prefers DH, probably because he does her bedtime routine and story ( and he has a more relaxed parenting style 🙄 )

TomatoBrain · 29/08/2022 20:55

They went to the zoo without me this morning she would hold my friend's hand and jump into her husband's arms but want nothing to do with her dad

Does he ever go anywhere or do anything alone with her? Going out with your friends doesn't count!