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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that people who live semi detached houses shouldn't buy their kids drumkits

67 replies

QueenCake · 22/01/2008 10:00

Hi first time I've posted here but having been woken by neighbours child practicing drums at 7am I am feeling wholly unreasonable about everything.

We had our first rendition on Boxing day and have enjoyed (endured) weekly drumming sessions ever since. They are not normally noisy despite being a large family and our semi's are old so not paper thin walls.

However we might as well have mini Phil Collins in our living room. Last week I had a migraine and my husband was working from home and trying to have a con call when the mindless thrashing started up.

Why do people think it is OK to inflict their children's musical inability on everyone? Fortunately my children have never shown any inclination to play anything but I might invest in a tuba or encourage an interest in the kettle drum.

Should I complain?

OP posts:

MotherFunk · 22/01/2008 10:03

Message withdrawn

Original poster

QueenCake · 22/01/2008 10:04

Sorry hit button too many times and posted three times! Doh probably due to rude awakening

OP posts:

frazzledbutcalm · 22/01/2008 10:05

I think you're being a bit unreasonable, they obviously like and want to play their drums. However, yanbu about the 7am start!! I'd have a word with neighbour and politely say that you think its great they have musical ability but any chance they could practise a bit later in the day. Hope you get it sorted, i wouldn't be happy with the noise that early and i also wouldn't let mine make noise that early.

niceglasses · 22/01/2008 10:06

On one side I have an actress/singer and her very musical daughter. We often here piano/singing etc. I quite like it, but then they are probably good.

On the other I have a kid with a drum kit too and tbh I don't often hear it..maybe if in the adjacent room. And we live in a terrace, but they are old terraces and maybe walls are thicker.

Sorry, but i wouldn't be complaining either.

MissMalaprop · 22/01/2008 10:06

You're not being unreasonable to think you shouldn't have to be woken at 7am by a mini-Phil Collins (god what a thought!) I personally couldn't see the harm in politely asking if he could not play before 8am or something.

It probably wasn't the parents who bought the drum kit though - my poor friend has a slightly mad sister who thought it would be a good idea to provide my friend's 2 year old witha drum kit.

Cappuccino · 22/01/2008 10:07

My next door neighbour has a drumming teen and we live in a terrace

we just worked it out with him - he drums with his bedroom window shut (because if not we can hear it really loudly in our kitchen extension), he does not drum when our children are asleep or being put to bed

YABU to expect the child not to have drums at all - can you just not go round and discuss times nicely with your neighbours? I wouldn't complain, just ask if the drumming can be kept to more sociable hours ie not first thing in the morning

if you haven't spoken to them about it then you are definite BU. If they are only weekly sessions I am sure they will understand about you not wanting them early in the morning; let them know you have migraines and ask if it is okay if you have one to let them know and to lay off the drumming till your head is better

MotherFunk · 22/01/2008 10:09

Message withdrawn

VictorianSqualor · 22/01/2008 10:09

My DS had a drumkit, only a little one thoug and he broke it quite quickly, but we wouldn't have allowed him to play it at stupid o'clock.
I'd have a word about the time it is played but apart from that theres nothing you can or should do IMO.

NoBiggy · 22/01/2008 10:09

Motherfunk, do you know what drumming practise sounds like? It sounds like very loud biscuit tins falling down the stairs, usually. And I speak as someone who one owned a drumkit, in a semi. And only played on Sunday mornings when the neighbours were at football.

Queencake, don't know about complaining, but a word may be in order. You can perhaps come to some arrangement.

rantinghousewife · 22/01/2008 10:10

We have a drumming teen a couple of doors down and we can hear him when he plays (he's very good) but, his parents restrict when he can play ie: only at reasonable hours.
Can you politely ask he do the same?

MotherFunk · 22/01/2008 10:10

Message withdrawn

MotherFunk · 22/01/2008 10:11

Message withdrawn

FrannyandZooey · 22/01/2008 10:11

no way is it unreasonable to be cross about drumming at 7 am

they must be mad, I would absolutely go round and try to agree some ground rules - in a very pleasant way, but I would make it clear that before X time or after Y time then you don't expect to be disturbed

Original poster

QueenCake · 22/01/2008 10:12

I have no problem with musical instruments in general. Their other children play piano, violin etc but that is a distant tinkle. A music teacher lives behind us and often teaches outdoors in the summer which causes no problem. I might as well be in the same room as the drums. They are VERY LOUD.

Should children be encouraged to think they can pursue any interest and to hell with neighbourly relations? Would it be acceptable if they played thrash metal at equally high volume.

OP posts:

Peachy · 22/01/2008 10:12

YANBU to expect the child to be kept away from drums until after 7am

but otherwise your post (esp. OP) could be interpreted as only kids who are fortuntae enough to be raised in a family that can afford detached housing should be able to play an instrument of their choice.

Which is clearly unreasonable.

Ask the Mum if she could keep an eye until a decent time, and then be grateful you don't live next to us- 2 X violin, 1 X recorder, DH with his Wii Boogie karaoke and a seriosuly crap vice (!) plus the two ASD kids with their noise varieties.

It could be worse.

MotherFunk · 22/01/2008 10:16

Message withdrawn

chopchopbusybusy · 22/01/2008 10:16

I think it is perfectly reasonable to have a discussion with his parents about practise times. For me (and I suspect for most people) 7am is not an acceptable time. My brother played bass guitar - loudly - when we lived with our parents but he was restricted to reasonable hours by our parents.

exbatt · 22/01/2008 10:18

Environmental health would really take a dim view of drumming at 7 a.m.

Can you think of a time of day and length of practise you would think reasonable (say 30-40 mins a day between the hours of 4-7 p.m.) and speak to his parents about it. Write down any conversations you have and any compromises you have tried to make, just in case you do need to take things further.

We are on the opposite side of the fence, with 3 children playing instruments (including a sax) and the neighbours really complaining. We've had to reach a compromise which really isn't great for us but is the only way we can keep the peace. And our children never play before school and never later than 7 pm!

And my son is desperate for a drum kit!

Frizbe · 22/01/2008 10:20

So now I'm wondering if you live nextdoor to my friends, brothers exwife, cause he brought the kids drums for Xmas, not realising she'd moved into a Semi

sb6699 · 22/01/2008 10:21

Oh dear, fortunate that your children haven't shown any musical interest - opinions will certainly differ on that comment.

However 7 am is a bit early for drums. Maybe a friendly word with your neighbour "your dc is coming along great with the drum practice but any chance......" is a better way to go about it that complaining.

Lucky you don't live next door to us my ds has just started drum lessons - but wouldn't let him practice that early.

As a youngster I played piano, trumpet and violin and I lived in a FLAT - nobody ever complained but then again I was only allowed to practice after school so most of our neighbours would still be at work. My mum would have given them short thrift if they did though.

Ureb · 22/01/2008 10:21

YANBU about him playing the drums at 7 am.

YABU about him having a drumkit in a semi.

Motherfunk if you work nights/shifts, then it would be reasonable to come to some other arrangement.

Ureb · 22/01/2008 10:23

We've got sax here too exbatt. Thankfully no problems though.

southeastastra · 22/01/2008 10:24

7am is too early, he may also get tired of them if they were a christmas present.

if he doesn't go with your initial idea and get a tuba .

VictorianSqualor · 22/01/2008 10:25

I think drums are a good thing to teach children to play personally, they teach rhythm which in music is very important.

Drums aren't the only things that are very loud either, be thankful you don't live next door to us with DP thinking he is Jimi Hendrix and blaring his electric guitar.

Though if he plays after about 9pm he doesn't have his amp on so we do have some consideration.

snorkle · 22/01/2008 10:26

You can get rubber pads to put on drums/cymbals that reduce 80% of the sound and are fine for practising with. I don't think it would be unreasonable to ask your neighbour to get a set and not to play at antisocial times. Drums really are loud. The positive side is that the kids will quite likely get bored with them soon - years ago our neighbours son had a drum kit for xmas, it was very loud initially (we were in the adjoining semi) but we never heard it again after about the end of Jan.

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