To think my husband was a dick.

[ThanksVMuch]

I'm really low at the moment because of my body. My husband knows this. Ever since we had our DC, I've hated my body. I basically put on too much when pregnant and I've struggled to shift it. I was used to being quite effortlessly slim beforehand and it's just really affected me. I've been in tears to him about this before, recently as well.

Anyway, his ex was here last night just briefly to drop off their child and he came in and said X has lost some weight, she's looking really good.

I KNOW it's probably petty but I think why the fuck would you say that? Yeah okay she's lost weight and looks good but why say that to me?

He's conscious about his hair, I wouldn't say 'oh my exes full head of hair looks great', even if I thought it I'd have the awareness to not mention it to him because I know it's a sore point and the last person he probably wants to hear about looking great in an area he's conscious about is my ex.

AIBU for thinking he was being an insensitive dick? Even if unwittingly.

He's said things to me before, I've joined the gym and have started a diet recently and if I eat anything remotely unhealthy he'll always say something. Just a little comment but enough to make me feel shit and like I can't have anything. He says it's supportive but it doesn't feel it.

Saying their ex looks good?? Binnable behaviour.

Total dick .

He’s a twat. Don’t spare his feelings anymore.

Tell him to be more encouraging. Have a dig about something you're not keen on about him.

I’d honestly say the hair thing next time you see your ex and if he’s pissed off about tell him why. Insensitive dickhead.

Although actually his policing your food intake makes him sound less of an insensitive dick and more of a nasty bastard tbh.

Sounds like he still fancies her. He's a twat. Put him in the bin.

He's an absolute dick and he knows exactly what he's doing. Supportive my arse. He's making you feel shit on purpose. I'd bet my house he used to do it to his ex, too.

He knew what he was doing with that comment.

It was his way of telling you he thinks you’d look better if you lost weight. He was being a complete dick & he didn’t do it unwittingly.

He is a nasty person or an insensitive person. What do you think?

@ThanksVMuch it’s unkind. Next time
he does something similar say something like “how would you feel if I mentioned my ex’s full head of hair when you’re feeling sensitive about your bald patch? It’s insensitive at best and hurtful at worst - please stop. And likewise, don’t criticise my food choices - I KNOW I need to lose weight thank you’”

I think I would have called him on that comment. Something along the lines of:
"Wow what a spiteful way to have a dig at me. I wonder what you are hoping to achieve by that comment. Are you trying to destroy my self-esteem or our marriage? I'm wondering why I've stayed so long or what you contribute that is worthwhile to my life."

After that he'd get short shrift about his hair and would be referred to as "Mr Grey" or "baldylocks" etc depending upon what his issue is.

He knows why he said it and that it was on purpose and this lets him know that it's not going to have the desired effect (which I presume is to push you into trying to loose weight to please him). Please try not to stress over weight gain, it is hard to try to find time with a new DC to take care of yourself, not to mention the sleep deprivation which can also make it hard to loose weight. If you do wish to try to get fitter and feel better (for yourself and no-one else), you could suggest that he does far more childcare while you go to the gym regularly which he can pay for.

Comment on his hair next time or and tell him to stop being such a nasty pig

Next film you watch go on and on about how thick and lustrous the lead males hair is

Has his ex lost a dramatic amount of weight? I don't think it's an odd or insensitive comment to make if he was surprised by how much weight she has lost. Perhaps he could have phrased it better without insinuating she looks attractive but you are only reading in to his comment because (as you've admitted here) your self-esteem is lower since pregnancy weight gain.

Equally, if he's commenting when you're eating something naughty, maybe he thinks he's helping but clearly he's going about it the wrong way.

Do you not like him? Are you in a bad place relationship-wise? If not, why not just ask him to refrain from weight related comments and talking about your food but equally you then can't complain to him about your weight otherwise he's in a lose-lose situation.

I'm not trying to sound insensitive but people aren't always intentionally setting out to upset their other half so think about it from his side before assuming he meant to upset you.

If he continues, sign him up for penis enlargement spam and let whoever he’s talking to know that he’s obviously been considering it. THEN be overly supportive of this decision.

OP THIS.

as others have said on this thread, give him a taste of his own medicine.

What @SproutsAtChristmas said.

Unless there's a history of being hurtful or a backstory of your relationship being in the pan anyway, his comment was perhaps insensitive but not worth falling out over. Just ask him nicely to refrain from doing that again in the future.

Nobody needs to hear their other half saying their ex is looking good. Especially for the reason that she's lost weight when he knows you're trying to and feeling particularly sensitive about it. Total dick move. It's not you. I would be livid.

Tell him that you're an adult and in full charge of your own body and understand the science behind weight loss. You don't need or appreciate any more snide comments while you're eating or at any other time. If he can't say something nice to keep his mouth shut in future.

You grew a whole human and yoare amazing. You're a bit wobblier, so what. He's a dick.

Is he the type of person who is really generous with his praise, to everyone? If so, and he is always saying stuff like 'the postman has a great tan' or 'the neighbour was wearing a really nice suit' then I'd put it down to him being a bit insensitive.

If he isnt like this in general and the only person he has complimented recently is his ex, then I'd be thinking there were still feelings there, or it was calculated to hurt you and make you think he will look elsewhere if you dont lose weight.

Have you spoken to him about it and how it makes you feel?

On the flip side I sometimes struggle not to say something when my husband tries to lose weight...I'll cook a healthy, tasty, filling meal...and there are leftovers...and instead of eating the leftovers he will not go for seconds of the healthy food but instead mop up the sauce with multiple slices of bread. It's hard to hear someone moan, and you try and support them and then they make some poor choices then moan about again, repeatedly.

YABU

Are you saying you’d never compliment anyone on their hair just incase DH takes offence to it?

If someone I knew had their hair done or had lost weight I would compliment them - doesn’t mean I’m having a dig at anyone around me.

Him commenting on your food is another issue and would piss me off - unless you’ve asked him to help you lose weight/eat healthier.

Actually I think if she does look good it might have been a mindless comment - it doesn't sound like an insult.

The shit comments about what you're eating are much worse.

What a knob! Suggest watching Stranger Things and comment on how lush Steve's hair is.

He sounds horrible, does he have any redeeming qualities?

Commenting on the food you eat when you’re trying to lose weight is nasty of him. He had no need to mention his ex has lost weight either. Perhaps they’re happier without him around and didn’t feel need to comfort eat!