Tonight I was talking to my dd in the kitchen about something that had gone missing and I mentioned it a bit later to dh who was in the living room and he said 'yeah I heard', or something along those lines, with a tone that implied I was being unnecessarily loud. The thing is I wasn't shouting, I was just talking, possibly 'animatedly'. I knew exactly what he meant, that my voice was piercing/grating/shrill. He sometimes comments on it - it's almost a running joke that when I'm nervous my voice sounds like 'weeh weeh weeh' (his description). I think my voice when I'm stressed or nervous probably does grate a bit, although my normal speaking voice is not loud at all, I've heard others call me 'softly spoken'. Our relationship is pretty rocky at the moment but I felt that we were both making an effort to reconnect. So perhaps I'm feeling unduly sensitive. But deep down I also feel he is sexist - not explicitly or directly (although he's someone who definitely doesn't pull his weight in the house or with the kids I probably do 80% of it) - but in the kinds of things he says, assumes, expects, ignores, never thinks about etc. He sometimes uses words like 'shrill', 'hysterical', 'fishwife', 'nag', 'gossip' in a semi-humorous way (and not always directed at me or even at women) but I absolutely hate it - I also hate that he doesn't even get the sexist connotations of those words. My mum was an 80s feminist and over the last 10 years of raising young children I've often wondered how on earth I've ended up in a relationship with someone who thinks like this. He's not a bastard or anything, I just find it intolerable. AIBU?