to be upset at sister?…

[Mooshmallow]

My sister texted me saying she wanted me to go see Harry Styles with her in Edinburgh and she began telling me hotel prices, ticket prices, travel costs etc.

I told her I can’t afford to go as I am struggling financially and with having 2 kids it would be a lot of money for me to keep by so I don’t think I can go.

She then replied saying it’s okay she is going to go with a different family member. This family member always claims to have no money so I said to my sister how will they be able to afford it if I can’t…

Basically my sister is going to pay for everything for them…

My partner has told me she isn’t being very nice to me and I’m not sure how to respond to my sister as I just feel a bit upset that she will pay for someone else to go but didn’t even offer when I explained to her that I can’t afford to.

Also the other day she told me she is going to hallow-scream with the said family member and another and I said I am not coming as I am not in contact with the other family member and she replied “ well your not invited anyway “ I assumed because I went with them the previous year they would want me to go again but apparently not 😕

so am I being unreasonable to be upset at her?

and should I say anything to her if so what…

What would you say to her though? She’s not obliged to pay for you at all. You don’t know the other persons circumstances.
As for the Halloween event, what were you expecting her to say? She IS in contact with the other family member, you were childish and silly for telling her you weren’t coming because they were. If I was your sister it would have got my back up too.

Sounds a bit childish but it is her choice who to ask and to pay, or not.

I think YABU.

She doesn't have to pay for you to go and see Harry Styles just because she's paying for them - maybe it's their birthday/Christmas present? Maybe that family member paid for something for her previously and this is her repaying the favour? Maybe they've been babysitting/housesitting etc and she's "paying" them with the tickets? She may well have a very valid, reasonable and genuine reason to pay for them and not you.

You were being very rude with respect to Hallow Scream. You weren't even invited and made a point of trying to create drama by refusing to go. I think she was right to call you out on it to be honest.

The family member is in fact our mum who didn’t bring us up and has done nothing for her apart from steal all her money from her bank multiple times, steal and sell her phones and other belongings and not long ago she even stole the money our grandma who brought us up has being putting away for her funeral this is why I’m annoyed that she is paying for her but didn’t offer to pay for me…

You can’t judge her for that. I understand it’s hurtful but it’s her mum and regardless of what she’s done your sister obviously feels a loyalty/bond there.

It is still your sister's choice.

I’m guessing there are complex things at play given your update. Maybe she’s hoping to build a relationship with your mum, however unwise that seems to you.

YANBU to be upset, but I think you are getting upset about the wrong thing. It sounds like your sister hasn't learnt that she can't buy love, and deserves better from her own mother.

It's painful but let it go. Your sister is entitled to make whatever choices she wants to. Getting into a battle over it will accomplish nothing.

I understand its hurtful, but there's a lot to unravel. It's far more nuanced than you are making out.

It sounds like you all have a complicated relationship and it really is up to her who she wants to pay for.

Childish

I was going to say if this was another sibling then yes I'd be annoyed but if its mum or dad then that's different.

There's obviously a massive backstory here though so personally I'd just be like ok and rise above it all.

Well that's quite the drip feed. It seems very plausible then, given her extremely unhealthy and dysfunctional relationship with her mother, that she has some deep issues going on that would explain why she's paying for things and maintaining a level of contact that your mum doesn't seem to deserve. You may feel differently and respond differently to that shared trauma, but you have no business judging your sister for how she deals with it.

I'm sorry that it's hurtful to you and it must be very tough when you have a very different response, but that's something that you need to come to peace with if you want to maintain a relationship with your sister. It doesn't sound like she's deliberately trying to hurt you.

That makes it more understandable.

You often see it with people who have been very badly let down and neglected by a parent.

They feel like they can somehow buy the parents love.

Don't say anything to her. Your relationship with her is clearly very different to her relationship with her mum. She can pay for her mum to with her if she wants, it doesn't mean she had to offer to pay for you. Ignore your partner stirring things. The bottom line is she asked you to go with her, you couldn't afford it so said no. That's the end of the story as far as you're concerned and any speculating beyond it is just looking for drama and upset. Likewise with the halloween thing, you weren't in fact invited and it was rude to make an arsey comment about not going when she was telling you about something she's presumably looking forward to. Look, I know sister relationships can be tricky, and obviously your history with your mum is a huge issue and you're not wrong to take a hardline. But it sounds like you generally get on with your sister so live and let live. This isn't about you and isn't worth extra upset.