To think men just aren't worth it?

[Culldesack]

They play it cool by being psychologically wired Differently to women. They can shag you then not be interested until the next time. We shave our bits for them, cook them a romantic meal etc, but they still play poker face. Meanwhile, women analyse every bit of the conduct. I just think now, at middle age, I'm happy to forego a relationship and live alone.

The thing is OP, no one finds doormats attractive. You’d think that having someone always loving, always putting you first would be something sought after but it actually comes across as needy and turns people (especially men) off. They soon learn that they can treat the doormat as badly as they want and they’ll still be there waiting for them, ready to lavish them in praise and ignore any wrongdoings. They use the doormat as a “for now” partner until they find something better as they get much more out of the arrangement than they put in.

I think our society raises men to be more secure in themselves and confident that if their needs are not met in one place they will be met elsewhere. Not something to aspire for but a personal right. Conversely, women are more likely to be anxious attachment types and want to cling on to any partner they get, turning them into doormats.

If you want to break out of this, you need to not be afraid of ending a relationship and being alone and have strong person standards (e.g. I don’t like cooking so I’m never going to cook for you no matter how many times you ask).

We shave our bits for them, cook them a romantic meal etc

Do ‘we’?
My DH always does the ‘date night at home’ cooking.
He works away a lot and I still shave… it’s just for me 🤷‍♀️

There are plenty of great guys out there. Why do let the not so great ones string you along and waste your time? If on the first date you experience the ‘poker face’ just say ‘thank you, next.’

I have little sympathy in all honesty OP - you are responsible for yourself and if you can’t muster a basic level of self respect then what do you expect? Not all men are nice, big surprise. Not all women are nice either, that’s just life - it’s got nothing to do with ‘wiring’.

I hear you OP.

Relationshios are tough & everyone here gaslighting by saying from the fact that you groom yourself that you’re needy, desperate etc your not.

Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus & it makes relationships difficult.

Not to say good men aren’t out there but it’s not easy. And I personally wouldn’t want to be in any of my friends’ marriages - none of whom are particularly happy but now completely codependent/kids/finances etc.

Someone may come along but do you, & just think fuck em they don’t deserve you!

So much smugness and victim blaming on this thread!

Op ignore them.

Men are mostly shit in my experience and I've had experience of a lot of them.

Being single is what I'd recommend to young women today.

Nope, I have never felt subservient to any man, they treat me as an equal or off they go. The vast majority of men I have met are lovely, the wankers… are with women for which I do not feel
much respect either…

I absolutely love being single tbh. Can't see it changing for many many years.

Yes single is cool.

I think you've hit the nail on the head

You’re going for the wrong guys. My DH is quite simply, amazing, and not how you have described in your post at all. He was v upfront about how he felt about me, there were no games. He made me feel great from Day 1 and has never wavered 5 years on (and a baby).

I had dated some bell ends before him though! Then I decided I’d had enough of London men and dated a guy from a rural area. Total game changer. Was so refreshing to be with someone so respectful and honest, while also being v handsome, funny and successful. His friends are all fantastic human beings too. So so sooooo happy that I casted my net wider than my usual tedious, from the same mould, ‘catch’.