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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Calling grandparents by their first name - do you?

28 replies

WeAreAllLionesses · 28/08/2022 13:20

DS (age 19) and I picked up my mum (mid seventies) yesterday and then drove to his gf's house. He got out of the car and his gf came out to say hello (first time she'd met DM).

DS said, "GF, meet my Gran". We all chatted for a bit and I then drove off with just DM for our day out.

My mum rang me later and asked if, as DS was now adult, he'd prefer to introduce her by her name, not as Gran in case it sounded childish.

DH, DS and I thought that was a really odd suggestion!

YABU he's adult and you call grandparents by their first name

YANBU nope, still Gran / Grandpa / Nana / Grandad / Nanny / Grandfather/ Grandma etc here whatever the kids' age!

OP posts:
Keyansier · 28/08/2022 13:21

This is utterly bizarre.

tealandteal · 28/08/2022 13:23

My DH calls his grandmother Nan but I call her by her name.

Nephthys21 · 28/08/2022 13:40

Disclaimer, my grandparents died young, so I didn't have this stage.
But would it not just be like introducing your parents to friends as an adult i.e "this is my mum, Fiona." Since your friends would refer to them by their name if talking to them?

Tilly4321 · 28/08/2022 13:44

My sister and I have always called our parents (60s hippies) by their names, and now their GC do too.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/08/2022 13:44

You can introduce someone as your grandmother as well as use their name, which is what my children have done, but my kids have always called their grandmothers "gran", not by their first name.

"Sara, this is my grandmother, Harriet", or "Mrs. Smith" depending on how formal you are.

939300EJL · 28/08/2022 13:44

My children have always called their Granmas ..Grandma R and Grandma A and would now as adults refer to them by their christian names . Unfortunately neither grandfather were alive when the children were born 😓

Malbecfan · 28/08/2022 13:47

DD1 introduced her bf to my dad saying "this is my grandpa". DF said "please call me [DF's name]". Both use their first names. My DH calls my DF by his first name as I did with his parents.

Ayupchuck1 · 28/08/2022 13:49

my grandad was always referred to by his (middle) name, not grandad - my parents asked him before i was born what he would like to be called. My nan was always referred to as Nan (different side of family)

to be honest I’d not really thought about it until now - probably is a bit strange to some but worked perfectly fine for us as a family!

Cheerybigbottom · 28/08/2022 13:56

My husbands grandma is in her nineties and everyone calls her grandma, even me.

My ds's two grandmas are nana Jean and nana Jacqui so we refer to them like that when speaking about them but just call them nana when with them.

We would introduce them as our nana jean so people would know their name.

leafpickerupper · 28/08/2022 13:59

I inherited Dh's Grandad on marriage. I asked him what he would like me to call him and he said Grandad like all of his grandchildren which I thought was completely lovely.

Just because someone is an adult doesn't mean a Grandparent stops being their Grandparent. I never had Grandads as both of mine had passed away before I was born. My children got to have a Great Grandad. It was wonderful.

WildWombat · 28/08/2022 14:01

Surely you only call your own gran 'Gran', not somebody else's? So your DS would be fine to keep calling her Gran but his girlfriend should call her Pamela or whatever. That's how I read it anyway.

ManateeFair · 28/08/2022 15:17

Well, he introduced her as ‘his’ gran, which she is - I don’t think it implies that he’s saying the girlfriend is meant to call her Gran, does it?! He should have told the girlfriend the gran’s name but also the gran could said ‘Lovely to meet you, I’m Jane’.

Or is the grandmother suggesting that her grandson addresses her by first name himself, as well? Because that would be quite weird to start calling her Jane now after calling her Gran all his life.

StopFeckingFaffing · 28/08/2022 15:27

I don't think it's unreasonable that your DM would prefer to be introduced using her name rather than just 'Gran' when she is being introduced to third parties who she is likely to meet again

"this is my Gran Sheila" would have been a more helpful introduction for the GF surely?

Catch21 · 28/08/2022 15:29

Agree with pp. It's fine to still call her Gran, but maybe he should have used her name when introducing her to someone else.

DillDanding · 28/08/2022 15:33

Well, she’s not going to call her ‘gran’, is she?

it’s perfectly appropriate for him to introduce her by her name, us ‘this us my gran, xxxx’

SenecaFallsRedux · 28/08/2022 15:34

WildWombat · 28/08/2022 14:01

Surely you only call your own gran 'Gran', not somebody else's? So your DS would be fine to keep calling her Gran but his girlfriend should call her Pamela or whatever. That's how I read it anyway.

This was my thought, too. My teenage grandchildren continue to call me by my grandmother name, but they introduce me to their friends with my name.

Goldunicorn · 28/08/2022 15:47

I"d still assume your DS calls his gran "Gran" to her face and when speaking about her, I"m pushing 50 and I still refer to mine as "granny".
But, fair point to consider what the gf calls her .... "gran" maybe isn't right from the first meeting, she can say "your gran" in conversation with your DS but at some point gf is going to want / need to say "good morning [boyfriend's Gran]" and it would be good to put a name in there ;-)

TeenDivided · 28/08/2022 15:50

The Gran should have said to the GF 'Nice to meet you, please call me Rebecca'. I think it is up to the Gran to take the lead in what she wants to be referred to as.

LosingTheWill2022 · 28/08/2022 15:54

I read your OP as she was just saying your DS can introduce her to his adult friends using her first name? She wasn't asking DS to use her name.

wackamole · 28/08/2022 16:17

It doesn't sound like anyone's suggesting that your son address Gran by her first name, but rather that he introduce her as his Gran/grandmother, but also specifiying what she'd like a new person (girlfriend or friend of her grandchild) to call her. It's perfectly normal that the grandson might introduce his grandmother: "this is my Gran, Mary Alice Smith" and the grandmother would immediately say "please call me Mary". I'm not sure why the gran is telling you this, rather than telling your son or just speaking up at the time with "please call me..."

FinallyHere · 28/08/2022 16:19

wackamole · 28/08/2022 16:17

It doesn't sound like anyone's suggesting that your son address Gran by her first name, but rather that he introduce her as his Gran/grandmother, but also specifiying what she'd like a new person (girlfriend or friend of her grandchild) to call her. It's perfectly normal that the grandson might introduce his grandmother: "this is my Gran, Mary Alice Smith" and the grandmother would immediately say "please call me Mary". I'm not sure why the gran is telling you this, rather than telling your son or just speaking up at the time with "please call me..."

This ^.

Marvellousmadness · 28/08/2022 16:23

Your mum sounds.. uh... like she lost the plot

I wouldnt indulge
She IS your sons gran!!
She could have just followed up by saying: just call me insert name (to the gf)

Is your mum turning in one of those old and bitter people that hate everyone/everything

AnotherEmma · 28/08/2022 16:23

I address my family members as Mum / Dad / Grandma / Grandad.

I have two Grandmas so when talking about them (without them present) and wanting to specify which one, I say "Grandma [first name]".

If introducing any of them to someone, I would say "This is my mum/dad/Grandma/Grandad, [first name]."

That's normal surely?

latetothefisting · 28/08/2022 17:07

Keyansier · 28/08/2022 13:21

This is utterly bizarre.

Bit of an overreaction?
I don't think ds necessarily needs to start calling his gran Mary himself, but agree that as pps have said the best way is to introduce someone by their relationship to the introducee, followed by the name the person would like to be addressed as. "Emma, this is my gran, Mary." "Gran, this is my girlfriend,Emma." "Emma, this my old school teacher Mrs Jones," etc

Otherwise the way he did it how is the gf supposed to know how to address her? Which if they are just having a 5 min chat outside isn't a problem but if the relationship gets serious and for example she spends Christmas or a holiday with you, she needs to call her something, she can't just say "do you want a drink ds's gran?" "Thanks for the present ds's gran!"

Mosso · 28/08/2022 17:24

I call my grandparents by their first name, and my DCs call them by their name too.

It's normal to me. I expect my grandkids (if I have any) will call me by my name too.

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