Is this behaviour OCD or normal?

[Rapples]

After posting recently about some of my own weird behaviour, I'm wondering whether I have OCD (DH is certain I do). On the NHS website, it says "Women can sometimes have OCD during pregnancy or after their baby is born. Compulsions could be things such as repeatedly checking the baby is breathing." To me, that's very normal. I spent 9 months making a human, I'm obviously going to check they're breathing! We have a mirror in the car so I can see her in her car seat so I check she's breathing every couple of minutes, if she's on me then I can obviously feel and hear that she's breathing. If she's in her next-to-me crib then I'll watch her or, if the lights are off then I'll put my hand on her chest and I sleep like that.

This is normal, right?

Please forgive the clumsy use of the word "normal"

I would say this is normal. I still sometimes do this with ds who is 6yo. My dh can't sleep next to ds, he wakes up throughout the night checking on ds, making sure his face isn't covered with the blanket or he's not at the edge of the bed. I'm not as bad as that, but to us this is kind of normal?

But what does it make you feel if you don't check?

I have diagnosed OCD and I'd have horrible thoughts to go along with it so I must do it x amount of times before it feels 'right'.

I feel worried that she's not breathing - I think, if left long enough, it could get to the point of serious panic. I don't worry if I'm not with her though (for example if DD is with DH), I assume he's checking she's still breathing. I don't need to check more than once per occasion if that makes sense. I check she's breathing and then carry on - a few minutes later, I'll check again.

It can be a symptom of PND. I was so bad that I was afraid that bumps on the pavement would give him a brain injury while I was wheeling the pram. I don't think I slept for about 2 months. Was the birth and pregnancy straight-forward?

Also is this your first baby? Are you with her Dad still?

@Chowbellow I'm not that bad - I don't worry about bumps in the pavement. I do worry about DH not supporting her head properly but I think he's just gotten used to throwing DS around and has forgotten how to hold a newborn. I don't have that issue with other people (because they support her head properly!). Second baby, I was the same with DS though. I can't remember what age I stopped constantly checking his breathing though. It must've been by the time he was 6mo because he moved out of our bedroom at 6mo. I'm still with DH.

Probably perfectly normal instinct then. If it's not interfering with your life, it's not problematic. If it is interfering with your sleep, or the baby's sleep, or your mental health, then it's problematic.

Repeatedly checking a baby's breathing can be a symptom of postnatal OCD or PND but no, it doesn't sound like OCD (I have severe OCD and have read a lot about it and had years of treatment).

OCD is very distressing and interferes with your ability to function normally in at least one area of your life. Being cautious with a newborn isn't OCD unless you are repeatedly checking and feeling distressed, asking someone for reassurance, checking a lot after 6 months and/or have a lot of disruptive intrusive thoughts about your baby falling ill or similar.

I wouldnt say that having to check your baby is breathing every 2 minutes is normal, no.

Especially if you panic if you cant do it.

I don’t think you have full blown ocd but I also do not think this is normal

No, checking that she is breathing every couple of minutes is not normal. You don’t say how often you check with your hand on her, but if it’s similar, that’s not normal either. I’m not sure it’s OCD but I think it’s overly anxious.

I think you have to remember that mental illnesses are comprised of behaviour patterns we all have - it’s only the level of distress caused, and the impact on ‘normal’ functioning that tips them in to mental illness. If you felt you had to check your daughter’s breathing every 5 mins through the night to prevent some catastrophe happening, that would put you in the OCD category IMO. I think where you’re at is on the slightly-anxious side of normal.

I did this for the first few weeks. How old is your baby?

You're misunderstanding.

The post isn't referring to checking on your child. It is referring to compulsively checking on the child and having an intense fear that the baby isn't breathing and not being able to physically stop yourself checking the baby even when you just checked the baby a few seconds previously.

I have OCD and also suffer with anxiety. I had severe post natal anxiety and I obsessively checked my child's breathing, to the point where it was interfering with my day, I couldn't get anything done, was intensely fearful, and the anxiety was really ruining my quality of life. Luckily it passed after around 6 months but the first few months were truly awful, so terrifying.

So yes, of course a normal parent checks on her child, but this is clearly referring to OCD behaviour and so doesn't mean healthy, normal concern for a child.

I don’t think you have ocd. My daughter has ocd and it’s a mixture of intrusive thoughts that lead to heightened anxiety which leads to her doing to compulsions to stop the intrusive thoughts and stop bad things happening. It’s very distressing and intereferes greatly with her life.

I think what you’re displaying is heightened anxiety. OCD term is used very freely with people who don’t understand the actual cycle of ocd.

I’m not lessening your experience of anxiety, you may need help and support to get through it but I don’t think it could be classed as true ocd.

I remember checking my DC’s constantly to see if they were breathing also. Now, in hindsight, I was very low during the post natal period. I wouldn’t class it as depression but definitely very low and I think was driving my checking at the time.

Literally every two minutes through the day? No, that's not normal. It's unlikely to be OCD unless you have intrusive thoughts and compulsions, but it certainly indicates an extreme level of anxiety and your DH is right to be concerned.

I don't think it's usual to check that your child is breathing every few minutes, no. Doesn't necessarily mean you have OCD, but it does seem quite anxious.

I still do this with my dc who is 8

I don’t think you have ocd. My daughter has ocd and it’s a mixture of intrusive thoughts that lead to heightened anxiety which leads to her doing to compulsions to stop the intrusive thoughts and stop bad things happening. It’s very distressing and intereferes greatly with her life.
It could be post natal anxiety, it doesn't sound like OCD.

Every two minutes?

Surely sleeping with your hand on her chest will make it harder for her to breath? I wouldn’t do that.
But, I had Postnatal anxiety and set my alarm to go off every 45 mins 24 hours a day to check DD2 was breathing.

As I said earlier, I don’t think it’s ocd but would be worth a chat with a gp maybe. Seems like anxiety or possibly depression.
Best of luck and I hope everything settles for you.