She’s only with him because…

[Cherchezlaspice]

Inspired by another thread. People don’t earn their looks, they say nothing about them as a person. So, when dating, why is being selective about looks/appearance seen as acceptable, but being selective about career prospects and material success a negative?

I think it’s interesting. People will go ‘she’s only with him for his money’ and that’s apparently a bad thing. Nobody goes ‘she’s only with him because he’s handsome’ because that’s somehow fine?

‘I’m really attracted to men with brown eyes/broad shoulders/bald heads’ = perfectly acceptable for some reason

‘I’m really attracted to men who earn over £100K = not acceptable.

Why?

I don't think either are ok to be honest.

I'm not with my husband because he earns over 100k (he doesn't!)

I'm.not with my husband becuase he is good looking (he's not!)

I'm.with him because I love and adore him. He's my soul mate. We've been together over 15 years and married 12. We have two boys together. I see us as growing old together.

Personally, I think marriages based on money, status or looks will either not be happy long term or will not last long te

term.

I know a couple of rich men with trophy good looking wives. Both wives have admitted domestic violence but stay for the status and to send their children to private school. It's up to them, but I'd rather be poor and happy and not have to go to bed in full make-up.

Oh, I totally agree with all of this. There’s lots that goes into a healthy loving relationship that involves neither looks nor money. Not my intention to dispute that at all. Your marriage sounds lovely. 😁

@TiredzzZZ

That is very black and white thinking. I was initially attracted to my husband purely for his looks. We were both 16 and he was definitely a catch amongst my circle because he was fit. Lots of girls fancied him. The reason why we are still together is because he is a great dad, kind and respectful. If he had been neither of those things we certainly wouldn’t have lasted for long. It would have been a teenage romance that fizzled out somewhere along the line.

I might have fancied the pants off him but I wasn’t willing to sell my soul for a handsome face.

Having said that even now the very foundation that would be on my criteria is someone who I was attracted too. Not necessarily the most handsome guy in the room but I’ve got a high sex drive and so for me personally that’s the foundation I would need to build from. I would be living a lie else.

I'm just throwing this out there without a great deal of thought, but I think people who tend to go for looks are probably more sexual, whereas those motivated my money are less so.

I’ve really enjoyed this. It’s nice to just bat around ideas without the usual MN rancour. 😂

I’m off to brunch, now. Have a fabulous sunny BH Sunday, everyone!

@Charlize43

You said it a lot more succinctly than me. I have friends who aren’t that fussed about sex. Makes more sense for them to put more eggs in the financial basket…. !

This is exactly what I say to those ridiculous men who complain about women being 'gold diggers'. How is choosing women for their looks or body types less superficial?

I believe that on incel sites and similar they are obsessed with hypergamy (marrying up). They believe all women want is a man with money, while at the same time ignoring the fact they only want to go with good looking women.

I agree the good looks are a sign of healthy genes and is an attractor in both sexes. But in centuries past when any women not working class didn’t have her own money, then survival for her babies may have been on the money her husband had.

Perhaps the patriarchy is responsible for demeaning hypergamy and favouring marrying for looks? Or am I overreaching?

Just remembered a really really old joke told about a beautiful young blonde woman married to a much much older millionaire.

”and they call HER dumb!”

I know someone who married for money but she wasn't happy really and it was more that he had a good job and regular bonus payments ( at the time ) to fund nice holidays , they were not mega rich at all , but he had more than she did. Some people are gold diggers , they just would never admit it I suppose , but it's a definite thing they look for.
A few people I worked with couldn't bear the thought of going out with anyone who wasn't slim or pretty. I think looks can be more important to some than personality too, they want the trophy wife or boyfriend to look good
It's all about the image for them maybe.
People are complex characters.