To think I'll never afford a second child

[LittleMissPolly]

Very happy with my dp with a lovely 4 year old dd. I was 22 when we had her & lived with my parents. Now we're in rented accommodation & just about make ends meet. Even when she goes to school I just can't imagine affording to be on maternity leave or the horrendous childcare costs. We'd love a second child so much but the numbers just do not add up, & the way things are I can't see them ever adding up.
Of course we are very grateful & lucky to have one healthy & happy child, but how do you accept at the age of 26 that this is it. Feel so sad that child bearing days are over because you just can't afford another one, when your body clock is still ticking and you'd both really love another child

Bump

But this is not necessarily it, no more kids
however pragmatically yes you to be able to afford rent,adequate lifestyle
someone will rock up telling you love is enough. and enriching… well it all depends. If you’re willing able to tolerate being skint & harassed wit h 2+ kids

I'm sure you've assessed everything already but is there any potential to increase earning power? If not now then even in the future? It's really difficult because it's rarely black and white, so much could change (as morbid as it sounds you could potentially inherit?) and at only 26, I wouldn't draw a line under it completely.

It is really painful and hard to have to be faced with this possibility. All I can suggest is really evaluate how much you want a second child. What are you willing to sacrifice? Would it be moving to a cheaper area? Taking a career break till free hours kick in. I understand it isn't as simple as increase your income but is there any long-term plan that could help make this possible? Additional training, studying or total career change.

It is really rubbish. Just making ends meet is not fun and seeing other people with their 2 child or more families can feel like a kick in the teeth. All I can suggest is looking into ways to make it more of a possibility. Like the ones I suggested above. I've been where you are, I feel your pain 💐

I just applaud you for being sensible cause there's so many people out there making kids even though they can't really afford them.

Well at 26 you still have plenty of time. Can you increase your earning power? Can your dh?

At your age I could barely afford a pot to piss in, certainly not a child. By my mid 30s dh and I could afford 2 children. Circumstances change and not always for the worst.

You are only 26, most people I know were still broke and living in house shares at 26.

Just because you can't afford another child now, doesn't mean you always won't be able to.

You've got hopefully at least another ten years to have another. A lot can happen in ten years.

My SIL had her first child at 22, middle child 8 years later and youngest another 8 years later.

Ah OP I was similar to you I had DS at 24 but then when he was 3 DH died unexpectedly. We were TTC when he died.

So I was 27 and one and done. I'd never now afford another child and even if by some miracle even though I'm in my early 30's some magical man came along, I wouldn't have another because of the age gap.

It takes time, it does. You sort of grieve for the children you know you'll never have, your clock keeps nagging at you which gets annoying but it is what it is.

But I'm now at a point where I adore having one. A) the cost, B) I never have a favourite I only have the one, C) he gets my undivided attention and we have a great bond. D) he enjoys a wealth of activities because it's just him and there's no major diary management of different clubs for different kids.

I genuinely feel it easier to invest emotionally and time management in to one.

It's ok to be sad, it's ok to wonder what if, it's ok to change your mind.

But please don't worry if you do just have the one. Time is a healer.

Please don't be despairing about this: you're very young and had your first child much earlier (by more than 10 years!) than anyone I know. Most of us can't afford one, never mind 2, children in our 20s. But as other posters have said, things change rapidly. If you love being a mum I would focus on the child you currently have AND on your career (young enough to retrain or do another qualification if you want). There is no reason why you shouldn't have another one or two children in your mid 30s (I was 36 when I had my first).

Would it be different once your little one starts school? You're still so young, I hady 4th at 42 so you never know what the future holds