To think my work are being unreasonable?

[while]

I'm a social worker, have been for 12 years. About 4 months into my first (and current) social work job my dad died. So I had to take the appropriate time off work to deal with that and sort out arrangements. Work were very accommodating. Afterwards I went back to work and business resumed as normal.

However, my stepdad died suddenly last Sunday. I was closer to my stepdad than my dad. My stepdad raised me and although I loved my dad very much, he wasn't around much due to his own issues and I was only really involved with him at the end stages of his life.

My stepdad was amazing, he loved me, even though I was such a shit to him and my mum, he was just always there, always loving me. Him and my mum had a son together and he honestly treated me and showered me with the same love he did my brother. He was an amazing man and I am blessed to have had him in my life.

Obviously I'm heartbroken and trying to also help my mum and my brother and make funeral plans. My work is saying though that I had leave for my dads funeral and they are suspicious this isn't genuine.

They have said I can take annual leave rather than grievance leave. AIBU to think this is bonkers?

Background- I've been working in that department for years so of course I've had sickness etc but nothing mental or out of the ordinary

I copy pasted this from ACAS website:

If the person who died was not a child or dependant

There's no legal right to time off in these circumstances.

Regardless of whether an employee has a right to time off, employers should be compassionate towards a person's individual situation. The person who has died might not have a biological or legal connection to the employee, but might still be closely connected to them.

Check your bereavement policy

If your organisation has a bereavement policy, it should say:

when leave for bereavement could apply
how much leave your organisation provides
if leave is paid, and the amount of pay
This might be called 'compassionate', 'bereavement' or 'special' leave.

www.acas.org.uk/time-off-for-bereavement

I think that's totally unreasonable of them. Surely it's not uncommon for people to have step-parents they love. I'd just tell them that he was your dad in every way and your grief is equal if not more as that felt about your father.
It's pretty backward of them actually. What if your parents were gay? Would you only be allowed an absence over one?

Why do they think is not genuine?

I think they are being unreasonable and don’t see how anyone can think they’re not unless there’s more to it.

I work in social care and got grievance leave for the funeral when my partners nan who raised him died, without sounding crass she was a lovely lady but she meant nothing to me, she was already rapidly declining when we met so I had no relationship to her really. Seems old that they would make you use your annual leave for it.

Sorry for your loss. How long ago did your 'real' Dad die and how long did you have off. Company's don't have to give you any time off for bereavement as it's not an official thing. How much time would you be expecting off this time. In my previous job I got 3 days off when my dad died.

Check the organisation's policy and what you're entitled to. Go to HR if your manager won't budge and if you have a union rep it might be worth getting them involved.

I think given the nature of your job, it’s ridiculous because social services should be the FIRST to acknowledge non-nuclear family setups and the importance of these relationships in people’s lives and outcomes.

So yeah it’s quite shit especially as you’ve been there twelve years and it almost feels like they’re implying if you’d moved jobs you could have done it, but IDK that you could do anything about it because it sounds like they’re following the letter of the law, albeit they are not being compassionate.

What does your contract/policy say re bereavement leave?
You aren't automatically entitled to any time off, and some places don't offer any paid leave for non dependants. You might get a day or two paid,I remember my previous employer was 2 days including time for the funeral, but it will be stated in the relevant policy.

Is there any reason they'd have to be suspicious? A dad then stepdad dying years apart isn't unusual, unless there's an underlying issue.

Tell them you're too upset to work effectively a go on the sick for a month. I'm so fucking fed up of this shit, you give and give and are expected to act like a robot.

Could the problem be that you have said that your 'dad' has died and they remember your 'dad' dying? Do you need to explain to your employer what you have explained here i.e. that it is your step-dad but he raised you as his own and you were closer to him than your bio dad? Getting signed off sick is an option.

I think the special leave granted for a close family member dying is only a couple of days, and most people get signed off sick instead. (I work for a Council). Sorry for your loss.

How much time did you take off for your dad’s death?