To have an unreasonable rant about friend making me feel shit?!

[justhavetokeepgoing]

Sorry I’m typing annoyed. She’s the type that sent me photos of her new car whereas I buy a new car and just live my life without informing people.

I’m feeling super low today. And she’s text me showing off that her and her boyfriend have gone to a place that I found and told her about.

I’m not gate keeping the place. She can go there. I just don’t see why she has to message me whilst she’s there just to make sure I know.

I know I’m being unreasonable. I’m just spinning into a deep depression again and I keep that to myself because it’s no one’s burden but mine. It just makes me feel ten times worse when this happens.

And I know I’m being unreasonable and I’m probably the shit friend.

I just needed an outlet for my selfish rant.

You're allowed to be unreasonable in your own head (and on MN anonymously!) and we all have jealous, irrational, annoyed feelings, so don't give yourself a hard time about that.

You're self-aware enough to know you're heading into a depression cycle - that's a huge plus factor. I was in my thirties before I got a handle on that. What strategies do you find helpful in staving it off? I find when I'm on the way down that I have to become really anal about things like personal hygiene, eating properly and going out for walks every day. It doesn't prevent, but it helps.

Hmm. I think if someone had recommended somewhere to me then I wouldn't think twice about sending them a pic saying 'we went here!'. The car thing, again my friends and I usually share that stuff with each other just in a 'I am so excited!' way.

Do you feel like she's doing it just to rub it in? Is she that kind of person? Or is this more a reflection of you being unhappy and not really to do with her? Sounds like the latter, in which case and we are allowed to think unreasonable things when we are struggling.

Yab a bit unreasonable but i think that it's the depression talking. Dont compare yourself and stay off socials.

She probably is just showing you how lovely your destination suggestion is .

You know you’re being unreasonable and that’s why you’re ranting here. It’s hard to be happy for others when you’re finding things tough so rant away, seethe in private and pretend you’re happy for her You just might make it if you fake it.

yeh, good advice not to compare. I do get it though. I mostly feel ok and then I am occasionally reminded of the promotions/extensions/holidays that seem out of my reach. It is not that I wish the person didn't have them but it just reminds you that there are things you've failed to achieve or get for yourself. It's not a great feeling. I don't wander around feeling like this 24/7! But obviously a friend who has just got a wonderful promotion or met a really great man - it just reminds you for a split second that that stuff wasn't available to you, and it hurts, for a minute. It's NORMAL

Sorry you’re not feeling great OP.

To be fair, if a friend recommended somewhere to me & I went I’d probably message them because they’d been kind enough to recommend it, so kind of a ‘thank you for letting me know about this place’

Are you getting any support for your depression? Having a self awareness of how you’re feeling is a really good thing, I hope you can use that to keep on top of things.

I went to the shops to buy myself a nice dinner and then went I got home my phone went with her message and photo. And I pathetically had a cry about it.

She knows I’d love to go there. I think that’s why it hurts. Just forever seems like she’s rubbing it in my face. Like it’s a competition - one I can’t and don’t compete in.

She’s out down all the men I’ve ever been with because I think she prefers me to be single.

I don’t know. But thank you for being kind.

You told her about it so it makes sense to me she'd message you in a kind of ooh thanks for the recommendation type way.

Oh sorry I think I misunderstood. If she's taken him somewhere you'd love to go but haven't been then yes that's a bit off of her.

she’s text me showing off that her and her boyfriend have gone to a place that I found and told her about

Is she not just texting her friend to tell you she’s at a place you’ve previously discussed? It’s hardly showing off

You are entitled to be unreasonable if you wish.
Please get yourself some help, if you haven't already. You are worthy of support.

I get it though. If a friend told me about a place they’d really like to go to but couldn’t and then I thought it looked good so went. I’d be conscious of how I told them.

I would mention it the next time I saw them, I don’t think I’d be taking photos of myself whilst there to send to them. They could be more tactful.

Hi OP, I know what you mean. Don't beat yourself up about feeling the way you do. Is this a good friend or is the friendship going downhill overall?

Sometimes people do little things that bug us because we're sort of fed up with them in general, or because they are not behaving like good friends should.

It seems to me that this is all about herself. Did she ask how you were doing?
I notice that some friendships that might have been good at some point become superficial and toxic over the years. It's nobody's fault, it's just that keeping a good solid friendship over a long period of time is hard work and people usually don't do hard work.

Maybe it's time to set some distance. When the friendship dynamics become toxic for whatever reason, it is better to take a step back and take stock. Maybe this friend is not someone you need at the moment.

Sorry you sound very down.

Hopefully it helps in the long run if I tell you I think yabu, that the things you are reading as being shitty behaviour, can also be interpreted as innocent friendly stuff, ie "thanks for the recommendation, I value your opinion" vs "look where we are you absolute loser"

Be kind to yourself and step back from that friend a bit if this is triggering you xx

The OP didn’t recommend it though.