Do I have PND or am I just starving?

[Rapples]

Asking here because, to be frank, if I contact my HV or GP they'll 100% say it's PND because they just adore diagnosing it and I'd like to get a more balanced perspective. They'll also just suggest we stop breastfeeding because that's their fix for everything and I don't want to stop - it's what we want to do.

I have an emotionally unhealthy relationship with food, I always have. Food makes me happy and I don't think I really feel hunger in a traditional sense, just cravings. For example, if I want to eat a steak then I'd genuinely rather not eat than have something else. If I do eat something else, I'll feel just as "hungry" afterwards - I could eat something else until it hurts and the "hunger" would still be there and just as strong. I'm a healthy weight and have tended to eat a balanced diet, but definitely not a good emotional attachment to food. If I celebrate something, I celebrate with food. If I'm sad or hurt or tired, I get the most overwhelming urge to eat (my stomach physically aches and I get dizzy) - but, again, only the specific food that I want.

During my pregnancy, I had HG. DD is a month old now and I weigh over 10kg less than when she was conceived. DD is EBF and has suspected allergies so, because she wasn't gaining weight from being sick, the GP advised that I cut out certain foods. The vomiting has stopped and she's now back on track weight-wise. I have a crazy over supply of milk and I'm expressing twice as much as she needs.

But I feel so sad - and my stomach hurts and I feel dizzy. But, I can't eat any of the foods that I want to eat, so even if I eat, I'm still "hungry". I can't see much point in eating at all. So, I can't determine if this is PND or just my issues with food combined with a lack of sleep and burning a bunch of calories when breastfeeding. I'm missing the majority of PND symptoms (I'm not struggling to bond with DD and I adore her, no insomnia, no panic attacks, no thoughts of harming myself or DD etc) - just intense sadness and hunger.

Anyone have PND or emotional issues with food who can relate to any of this? Or is this just normal hunger from breastfeeding and not eating enough?

OK, that's essentially eating like you're celiac and with damage to the part of your gut that digests lactose + a cows milk protein allergy. I have to do that.

And having to do that is a huge change that leaves you wanting things you used to have - whilst also making it incredibly easy to lose weight whether you want to or not, as it automatically eliminates 98% of food in the supermarket (less in the Co op as they tend to use GF ingredients in their non breadcrumbed items such as sausages and burgers).

First of all, gluten free pasta is brilliant. The Garafaolo ones that contain corn, brown rice and quinoa are the closest of all IMO. They're also very readily available, followed by own brands and Barilla/De Cecco (the latter being my favourites).

Schar pizza bases are the most like a thin and crispy, but it is true that bread products are nowhere near as good because the trick is balancing different GF ingredients to get a similar structure and taste - although the Warburtons Tiger and Sourdough Farmhouse are a very close approximation.

For dairy, it's a bit harder. Some of the cheese substitutes are OK - the Violife blue cheese one doesn't look right, but the taste is spot on and the feta is pretty close; but the period of not having them is key to appreciating them the most.

If it turns out to be more a cow's milk protein thing than lactose, then that'll open your world up a lot, as there will be goat and ewe's milk cheeses, yoghurt and milk available. The advantage of it if it's lactose related is a) you could have lactase tablets or b) concentrate upon lactofree or inherently low lactose items such as hard cheese and yoghurt.

Leeks are interestingly, high in Magnesium, Copper and Potassium. So is chocolate. And there's a lot of potassium in Quavers and magnesium in Feta. So craving those things isn't really as random as might appear at first. Check your multivitamins to see if they contain Mg, Cu and K; odds are that they won't and certainly not in appropriate doses for somebody who was malnourished from HG and is now BF a child.

It absolutely makes sense that you're losing weight and feeling sad and like crap. It's a massive adjustment and not anything like an ED or weird relationship with food.

There are GF and DF puffed snacks in the Free From aisles. There are vegan Sheeze flavoured GF crisps. There's pasta. There's chocolate orange flavoured snack bars. You can make chicken balls yourself from a batter made with corn/rice/GF flour and cold water. If you get Tamari, you have soy sauce as it used to be made without the sodding wheat.

Yes, you've lost some things that were easy at present - if/when you decide to end BF, you can go back to them or you might find that you actually feel better for it as you are - but that doesn't mean you have to be hungry and sad. Rice gives you a good carb supply and is cheaper than always going for the GF subs. Potatoes, too.

You're not weird. You're hungry, still not getting everything you need and not quite into the swing of adapting meals into what you are able to eat.

Would you be able to eat the things you are craving if you were not bfing? If so I think you might need to think about stopping. With all these mental and physical problems you probably should do everything you can to take care of yourself.