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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel sad that my daughter has seen one friend during the summer?

26 replies

Pinacolada55 · 27/08/2022 10:23

I know it depends on where you live /if both parents are at work etc but I know these people well and they are not working over the summer.

So we are approaching the end of the summer holidays. I have a preteen son and an 8 year old daughter. My son has one friend who lives close by who he goes out with on his bike/to play football most days.
My daughter doesn't have anyone to play out with as there are no other children living close by (even though we live on a housing estate!)
She has about 6 close school friends who we see out of school and for playdates /sleepovers etc during term time. But they all go quiet over the summer. She has met up with one friend for a couple of hours in the entire 6 weeks. She really misses her friends and I've asked all of their parents if we can meet but to no avail.
Weve had a lovely summer and have kept busy and had lots of fun but I wish she could see more of her friends.
Her dad keeps getting on at me because our son gets to play out and she doesn't, but what else does he want me to do?!! I've tried to arrange multiple times and noone will. The friend we met up with said they hadn't seen anyone else either and the others aren't meeting up with each other. Seems strange to me that they don't seem to want their kids to see their friends!
Hubby is even suggesting we stop our son from playing out because it's unfair on our daughter!! Wtf!

OP posts:

AnnaFri · 27/08/2022 10:25

YANBU to be sad but it's unfair to lay blame on the friends parents

They're probably busy, on holidays, spending time with family, other friends from outside of school or clubs etc.

I rarely saw school friends in the summer holidays as that's when I'd spend time with friends not from school, or family etc.

MbatataOwl · 27/08/2022 10:36

Is there a holiday club your daughter could go to so she can at least have some fun with other children?

kitcat15 · 27/08/2022 10:41

My GD age 6 had only seen one school friend once during school hols for a play date…. Just been too busy….had 2 holidays…been camping…a mini festival…been to stay with family….had family visit….been the beach ….country parks…spent lots of time with cousins and grandparents….this is what summer holidays are about….plenty of time to see school friends when term starts again

Comedycook · 27/08/2022 10:44

I have a boy and a girl. My DD is 11. She hasn't seen any friends either. She only had a small group of friends and I either don't know their mothers well and/or they are all busy. When my ds was 11 he would play a lot of football in the park so saw friends all the time. If he hadn't been into football I think he also prob wouldn't have seen anyone

Beautiful3 · 27/08/2022 10:57

I have the same problem. I've been inviting the same friend over for the 9 year old. No invites back. Think people don't want kids in their homes?! Eldest has plenty of friends to hang out with (12). Youngest asked to join a holiday club, we looked into it, and couldn't afford it. I know-it- sucks.

harrystylesbeard · 27/08/2022 10:59

My kids have seen none of them. They are ok!

MRex · 27/08/2022 11:03

What do the other parents say they're doing? If they're working, maybe there's a summer camp? We've had DS in a half day summer camp a day or two each week, most of which had a classmate or two in and they all just mix in together nicely, regardless of who is usually a good friend.

We've had a few play dates and failed to set up a few others because of holiday clashes. It might be worth having DD think about some acquaintances who could be invited to an activity; if 5 friends aren't enough then my approach would be to make 3 more. Also there might be some friends outside school, does she have a regular club with kids you could invite over?

Derrymare · 27/08/2022 11:35

Firstly your dh needs to shut up. I used to worry about this all of the time with my ds but these years will pass and your dd will come out unscathed with her own social life that she will arrange herself. My son spent alot of time on his own and is now at uni always going out with with friends. Please don't worry she is gonna be fine.

Diamondwhiteandthe80s · 27/08/2022 11:46

i could have wrote that myself with my 10 year old daughter. We both work, partner full time, me 9-3 Monday to Thursday. So they went to the grans during the day. My mum can’t really do much as she’s struggling to walk and in her 70s, so they are left on the iPads most of the time till I get home. Kids 12 and 10. We can’t afford holiday clubs. I only earn min wage. I feel so quilty over the hols. We are Scotland so back at school now. I’m trying to get my daughter into a few clubs eg guides but she’s so shy.

Original poster

Pinacolada55 · 27/08/2022 11:58

There is one holiday club in our town, its expensive but it's also sports, and my daughter hates sports so she doesn't want to go anyway, as that was my first idea.
I am absolutely sure that the parents are just busy. There's no ill will involved or anything. I'm a sahm /housewife so obviously I have a lot of time on my hands and time to think.i just find it difficult to belive that during a period of 6 weeks there isn't one day that they could see a friend?

OP posts:

SpinningFloppa · 27/08/2022 12:10

My kids haven’t seen any friends in the holidays, thinking about it neither did I growing up but we lived on a large estate so there was so many kids that it didn’t matter, now I live on a main road in London so no kids play out here so I do dread the holidays as it’s such a long time to go without seeing other kids.

SpinningFloppa · 27/08/2022 12:11

Same in my area all the clubs are sports based (football) and my kids hate football so haven’t wanted to go.

abovedecknotbelow · 27/08/2022 12:12

Dts are 11 and they've only seen one friend a couple of times, I think that's normal, we've been away, mates have been away at different times, parents working etc

ThinkingForEveryone · 27/08/2022 12:17

You said it yourself OP, you are a sahm with lots of time. I work ft so I don't have any extra hours in the day just because it's the summer holidays! The odd week of annual leave I take is spent mostly taking the kids out for the day or seeing friends I don't normally have time to see. I would have to turn down playdates this week for that reason.

lollipoprainbow · 27/08/2022 12:17

Mine hasn't but then she doesn't have friends either, I'd be so happy for her to have one close friend at school let alone 6!! She's autistic so friendships are major issues for her.

Prinnny · 27/08/2022 12:19

Instead of asking parents to meet up could you offer to have the child for the day? If they’re at work and you’re at home it might be more successful!

NotAHouse · 27/08/2022 12:21

Same situation here. Can't help but be irritated that my DD has one particular close friend whose mum has managed to book up the entire summer, and cancelled a scheduled playdate due to tiredness. Especially worse as my DD is an only so doesn't have the safety net of siblings to play with.

NoSquirrels · 27/08/2022 12:23

I am absolutely sure that the parents are just busy. There's no ill will involved or anything. I'm a sahm /housewife so obviously I have a lot of time on my hands and time to think.i just find it difficult to belive that during a period of 6 weeks there isn't one day that they could see a friend?

There probably is ‘one day in 6 weeks’ they could see a friend. But it’s really hard logistically over the summer holidays if you are a working parent. Like, REALLY hard.

Maybe you take a week’s holiday and go see relatives. Then you take the second week as a family holiday away. Then their other parent has the kids for a week and - speaking for my DH here, but he’s typical of quite a few blokes I know - he’s not in the market for arranging or hosting play dates. Then you put them in a camp for a week, and send them to grandparents a bit. You juggle the rest of the time with odd days off here and there and feel guilty you’re at work so you try to make the days you’re not at work special by doing a day trip.

All the rest of your kids friends are on the same kind of schedule but opposite weeks. It’s exhausting to even try!

2Rebecca · 27/08/2022 12:24

Age 8 children mainly play out with local kids if there are any. If there aren't then if no local holiday club they entertain themselves or their parents take them to the park etc presume that's what you've been doing. I agree that in a couple of years she'll be able to organise herself a bit better

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/08/2022 12:27

I was expecting you to say you had an only child.
i think you’re expectations are very high. I’ve seen a couple of friends with their children but haven’t arranged any play dates from my eldest’s class friends because time runs away. I work- she’s been in camp with other kids- we went away- my youngest hasn’t been well.
i don’t think kids are constantly with their friends in the hols.

AgnestaVipers · 27/08/2022 12:29

We have one neurotypical child and despite her efforts to arrange sleepovers/play dates, nothing has materialised. Her friends seem to belong to parents incapable of letting their children have normal lives. It's pitiful.

GiveMeNovocain · 27/08/2022 12:33

Dh and I work full time so dd is booked onto camps etc well in advance. I don't have free time to do play dates or meet for a coffee and use my leave to go on holiday. I don't have free days except at the weekend and they tend to get booked up

SpongeBob2022 · 27/08/2022 12:35

I don't have an answer really. I think some kids don't see any school friends and some see a lot and neither is right or wrong and depends on circumstances.

If they are working then offer to have the child round rather than meeting.

Your DH shouldn't moan at you. What does he expect you to do.

I have one week off to go on hols and then I take a week's worth of random odd days throughout the rest of the hols and send the dates to the SAHMs I'm friends with at the beginning of the hols so at least there's a chance of getting together. It's a shame they can't do that.

RayKray · 27/08/2022 12:39

Mine have only seen one friend each too I think. We've been busy doing other stuff, going on holiday, and others have been busy when we've been free.

I agree with the pp re inviting them round rather than meeting up. Meeting up is much more effort, and then I have to consider one child being left out. And I don't always want to spend time with another parent in all honesty, that can be hard work!

I do know of mums from school who meet up to spend time which each other, so their kids are in theory seeing 'friends' but I'm not always convinced it's the kids' friends so much. For me that's not a great solution either, as the kids aren't getting a say in who they spend time with.

They see each other so much anyway, I think it's nice to have downtime/family time/sibling time too.

But obviously that's me, and it's an issue for you, so I'd try inviting them round rather than a meet up.

Original poster

Pinacolada55 · 27/08/2022 12:54

As I said in my op, the parents of these children are off work all summer (they work in schools) or they are sahm's like myself. That's why it bothers me more. Those with working parents it is completely understandable that they aren't free.
I just wish there was a child that lives close by that she could play with. We moved here from a main road as we thought it would be better. We are right next to her primary school and on an estate and there are no children for her at all. A couple of older ones (teens) and a few babies just been born.

OP posts:

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