Sorry this is going to be long....
I'll set the scene by explaining that I have twins in reception. Last year they were at the school nursery and I was fortunate to bond with a few mums (about 7 of us), and we did the whole Playdates, birthday parties, hen nights, ann summers etc. (I know it sounds cliquey, but to be honest there were other mums I bonded with outside the clique too.) Anyway, things were lovely, no bitchiness or anything..
until...
This year, our kids all started reception. They were all split between 3 classes, but we all remained friends at the school gate. The trouble all started when we had a parents night at the end of last time. One of the mums was really upset because she felt that the teacher had nothing good to say about her son. To be honest, he is incredibly naughty (my children don't like him although he is in a class with my son), and I could kind of agree with the teachers comments, but empathised with the Mums tears.
Just before Christmas, the teacher called her over to say that her son had been spitting and she had warned him that if he did it again, he would have to sit out of an activity. The boy proceeded and the teacher explained to mum that she had carried out threat. Mum was furious and felt son really was being picked on, so saw deputy head. The deputy head spoke in defence of teacher, and also said that the son was quite naughty. Once again, mum took it that son was being victimised.
Anyway, sorry if this gets confusing...
It was my twins birthday party yesterday, and I invited the cliques kids, aswell as some others they had bonded with. One particular little boy is new to the school and a real sweetie, an old fashioned little character who is good friends with my son, and we have been to his house. I am the only one in our clique who knows this boy and his mum, and they are a lovely, shy, inoffensive family.
Anyway a few days before the party the defensive mum, claimed her son was too scared to come to the twins birthday party as he was being victimised by the old fashioned boy and they had had an argument at school about who was going to the party. She had written a long letter to the school and the deputy head approached her and said that the other little boy was lovely, it was a silly argument, all the boys were now friends, and birthday party arguments were very common. But mother was now fuming, in her eyes son was victimised by teacher, deputy head and also the other boy.
The twins birthday party was on Sunday. The enraged mother sent her thug of a husband along. The little nice boy was with his mum. The thug dad walked round glaring at the nice boy and telling his son to give him a slap. Another mum in our clique (a foster carer who I would expect to be more diplomatic) started stirring things up, saying nice boy was a bully.
Nice boys mum stood on her own most of the time, and seemed really upset. My husband kept an eye on the situation, and said the two boys in question didn't go near eachother, and there was no bullying.
Just as we sat down to eat, the "victimised" child threw a paddy. Another friends 16 month old son had hit him. Thug dad started going "Why you crying, is it that bully, I've had enough of this, he needs a slap". The nice boy once again had not touched him.
There was an awful atmosphere, that my mum and sisters and other mums picked up on and were uncomfortable. And I felt so sorry for the mum of the nice boy as she and he had done nothing. And of course thug dad did not say anything to her face, just made all these comments.
I came home and spent the evening crying. The bottom line is that the so called victimised boys mum is making him a victim. She can't handle the fact that he is naughty and won't take criticism. She has now made a really nice boy a scapegoat as nobody knows him and he's easy to bully.
I did ring the nice boys mum and apologise, and she started apologising to me (which choked me even more as none of it was her fault)and some of the other mums also told me how bad they had felt yesterday and they had read the situation as I had.
So am I wrong to feel so angry at somebody who is supposedly meant to be my friend..and whose husband created an atmosphere at a kids party? My sympathy and empathy has flown out of the window, because I believe that their son is not being victimised and actually by making him out to be a victim, they are being devious and vindictive.